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Dear Frustrated,
It's understandable how your boyfriend's use of other women's images
during masturbation disturbs you, from what I understand, that's
not an uncommon feeling/reaction.
However, it doesn't sound as if he uses pornography because he
somehow finds you inadequate.
Men Are More Visual Than Women
Men are more visually based sexually than women are. Men prefer
strip clubs, whereas women tend to prefer romance novels and more
psychological means of being 'turned on.'
For your boyfriend, he probably feels it's easier for him to view
a picture and feel sexually aroused than to use his imagination.
For men, the left side of the brain becomes less active during sexual
encounters, and our brains prefer to think of little outside of
the current task. It becomes easier for us to focus on direct visual/tactile
stimulus. It's just one of the many differences between the sexes.
He Doesn't Want To Use You As A Sex Object
There are probably some psychological reasons too. It could be
that he prefers looking at these women because inside, he respects
and cares for you too much to think of you only as a sex object.
He's not tainting his mental image of you by not thinking of you
as a sexual object, and not as a real person that he knows and cares
for.
Use It Together
Maybe try doing as you said and offer to view some material with
him. Try to turn it into something that will reach a middle ground
with both of you.
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