Dear Frustrated,

You're an interesting case: On one hand (no pun intended), you understand your boyfriend's perfectly healthy and normal tendency to occasionally play a little backstroke roulette.

But, on the other hand (again, no pun intended), you object to what your boyfriend is thinking about when he's wrestling with the bald-headed champ.

I can understand how you might feel hurt, though, but it's all a big misunderstanding.

Men And Women Are Different

What you must understand is that men and women are two
different creatures, with different modes of thought, and two different mental fuels when getting their fill at the self service pump.

In my discussions on the subject with significant others, I've found that women tend to think about sensual details while pleasuring themselves, such as a fiery glance or a kiss on the back of the neck. Imagination is all you need.

Guys Need Graphic Images

Guys, on the other hand, are more explicit in their thoughts.
Sensuality be damned: we want graphic imagery when masturbating.

I mean, have you ever seen porn? There's no story, very little dialog, and it's chock-full of close-ups of various parts of the human anatomy.

Right. And he doesn't wat to use her as a sex object.

It really, truly is just imagery, just fuel for the fire, because guys lack the creativity to conjure up such images with their imaginations.

Now that I've explained that little mystery, let's discuss its implications on your sex life.

It Doesn't Mean He Doesn't Want You Anymore

So, you don't have sex as much as you used to near the beginning of the relationship. Three words: Join the club. His taming the trouser snake has nothing to do with you having less sex, and the fact that he does smack around the one-eyed monster every now and then doesn't mean he doesn't want to have sex with you anymore.

You're bound to have frequent sex at the beginning of a relationship before settling into a more normal routine; that's just the normal course of things.

He Won't Stop

The bottom line is, whether you like it or not, your boyfriend--like every other boyfriend, fiancee, and husband on the planet--will continue to watch porn while he peels the carrot, and if he has to do it behind your back, he most certainly will.

Get Over It

So get over it. Those images may be a fleeting fantasy, but there's no reality to them. You are, to him, both a fantasy and a reality, and no magazine or tape could ever replicate that.

I agree. She just has to accept this.

The sooner you accept this simple fact of life, the sooner you can quit stressing about it, and get on with your relationship.

Use It Together

By the way, I think that your idea to look at porn together is a fabulous idea. I'm sure your boyfriend would be most amenable to such suggestion.

This answer needs to go into the Love & Learn Hall of Fame.

But tread carefully: He needs to keep some of that world for himself, because no matter how much sex a man is getting, and no matter how satisfied he is with that sex, he still has the PERFECTLY NORMAL need to play a little 5-on-1 every now and then.

– Shaggy