Dear DP,

I'm getting a little rusty with math in my old age, but let's figure this out.

You're 29, She's 19

You are 29 now. Your wife passed away tens years ago, which would have put you at 19 or so. Now you are 29 and you have feelings for her little sister who is 10 years younger than you. So when your wife died, she would have been around 9.

According to you, you've "grown in love with her more and more over the years". So you have been falling in love with this GIRL, since she was 9? And that's not even HALF the problem!

You Do Deserve To Find Love

I understand that widowers have to find a new life without their spouse. My mom died when I was 4 and my dad remarried a couple of times until he found a good match.

Snap Back To Reality

It sounds like you have tried to create a good life with your girlfriend and two kids. (I certainly hope neither of them are NINE!) Age problems aside (NINE?), you need to snap back into reality and look at what you have.

You're right. This guy is in a fantasy land.

Just because you have developed a good relationship with this GIRL over the years and she has served as perhaps some kind of support to you, doesn't mean that you should attempt to be with her.

This Would Jeopardize Your Relationship With Her Family

It wouldn't jeopradize anything. Her family would be happy.

I mean, see this for what it is: This is your deceased wife's little 19-year-old sister! And yes, you would be jeopardizing A LOT by going this way!

Figure Out Why You Like The Sister

WHY are you attracted to her? Does she remind you of your former wife? Does she bring comfort to you? Does she relate to you? You need to pinpoint EXACTLY why you seem attracted to her. And physical attraction IS NOT enough of an excuse to bring two families lives to a dramatic head. You need to figure out what you want.

Don't see this as a contest between your girlfriend (who it's not working out with) and your former sister-in-law (who it would NEVER work out with).

Part Company

Part company with one or both of them and go find a new life. You are still young and should have no problem finding women who are of legal age and are not related to you. Sorry, that's what it adds up to on paper!

Be practical here, buddy. Save yourself from more pain!

–