Dear Panel,

I am an 18-year-old girl who has had a couple flings (no sexual intercourse but they we were sensual).

My current boyfriend is my best friend, which is a blessing. He is 17 and has less relationship experience than me. He's amazing, he plays the piano beautifully and is so funny, no one relates to me like he does. We constantly push each other's limits but love each other.

We're Best Friends

We have been best friends consistently for about 2 years now, and since January became romantically involved. It feels right so far, it feels like it was only natural for our relationship to go this way.

He's Effeminate

He is fairly effeminate, which has never bothered me, until I wondered if he was gay, and that he wasn't attracted to me. He usually doesn't tell me that he loves me until I say it first, and he rarely kisses me until I kiss him first. He isn't afraid to get close, but that's all he does, he doesn't try to do anything very sexual, only affectionate.

He Looks At Guys

I realize that this may be because I am his first real girlfriend, this is his first relationship. Once he told me that he likes girls, he's aroused by them, and that he also likes to look at guys. I guess he says he masturbates thinking about both sexes, mostly girls though. He also said that he doesn't like talking to guys, and for that reason he doesn't want a relationship with one.

He Says He's Straight

He tells me he's straight, but I don't know if I believe him if he likes to look at guys. I think he might be bi, which is fine, but if he's gay I will be a little sad because that means he's not attracted to me. I think he's confused.

I never had a problem defining my sexuality. The way I see it, I don't not like girls. If a girl was groping me I would think, "hmm, I wish she was a guy, I think I'll tell her to lay off." In any case, I will be there for him no matter who he is attracted to, he is my best friend. And if I weren't in love with him romantically, I would hardly care if he were gay or not.

Is my boyfriend gay? Bisexual? How do I find out?

Female, age 18, Alaska

Sara, Kalia, and Foxy answer this question.