Dear Lucia,

It sounds like you are totally in love. And why not? He's your best friend. Relationships are the best when they spring from friendship. It skips that awkwardness of getting to know one another and goes straight to falling in love.

Keep An Open Mind

It does sound like you've got a little bit of confusion going on, but it's good that you don't have harsh feelings about it. Having an open mind is the best route to take.

17 Is A Confusing Age

True. Sometimes it takes time for people to admit they're gay.

It does sound like your boyfriend is a little confused. Being 17, it's not a surprise. It's usually at that age that most gay or bisexual people go through the stress of figuring out their sexuality, and then they go through more stress by trying to decide to tell anyone, or keep it bottled up inside.

That doesn't mean that your boyfriend is one of those people, but he does show some signs.

Anyone Can Be Aroused By The Same Sex

We all know that gay men are aroused by men, but did you know that a lot of straight men can get aroused by men as well? Likewise, straight women can get aroused by other women. It's all in a matter of presentation. 

 Why do people watch porn? Because it arouses them.  Do they sit there covering their eyes when they see someone of their sex naked on the screen? No. They watch it just as intently as if it were someone of the opposite sex.

It's all a matter of being in the moment. When your sex drive is in full gear, your mind starts to take the place of the person on screen. You imagine that you are them, and it arouses you. Therefore, in a sense you are aroused by the same sex, even if you are straight.

Now that we understand sex drives, we'll go a different direction. Being aroused and being attracted are two different things. Arousal occurs when a person is thinking sexually and gets "in the mood." Attraction occurs when a person finds a connection with another and wants to draw closer.

If He's Attracted To Guys, You Have A Problem

If your boyfriend gets aroused by men, then you shouldn't find that a threat. Now, when he gets attracted to them, THAT is when you should be concerned.

He Should Be Over His Shyness

There are other aspects to look at, however. First, he doesn't kiss you or tell you he loves you.  While that could be a sign of shyness, he's 17. He should be over that by now even if it is his first relationship.

Also, he has talked with you about being in relationships with guys. The mere fact that he has considered it could be a sign.

I think that the fact that you wrote to Love & Learn tells me that there is something wrong and you need to figure it out before your relationship goes any further.

Talk To Him, You're Best Friends

I disagree. She shouldn't force him to talk.

You need to sit down with your boyfriend and tell him what's going through your mind. You are best friends. You should be able to talk about anything. Since it sounds like you've brought it up before, it shouldn't be a problem.

Let him know you are there for him and you are concerned, not angry or upset. Above and beyond, keep your open mind and never let him feel like you are attacking him.

He Needs Your Friendship

You're right. She should support him.

If he is gay or bi, this could be a very tough time for him and he needs your support. Love comes and goes, but friendship lasts a lifetime.

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