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Dear Stephanie,
Before I answer your question I must say that I am the type of
person that will always read between the lines whenever guys say
when the words "we have to talk". In this case those words
could have been uttered by him when he was breaking up with you.
To recap, you were with this guy for a year and then out of nowhere
he goes on a spiritual journey, asks you to convert, and then says
he feels deep down that you aren't the one for him?
He's Looking For A Way Out
Now in my mind that sounds a little fishy. If you had been going
out for a year then he knows what your views are on religion.
He might have been wanting out of the relationship so he became
"religious" and he knows that you wouldn't convert so
he "had a vision and a gut feeling" that the two of you
should break up. That's my first gut feeling of it all.
But now let's look at the situation from strictly what you told
us. Your boyfriend asked you to change your spirituality and you
said "no". He wants to be a strict Christian. I understand
that there are some people that will only date people that are their
religion and have the same degree of their faith, but I don't feel
that should apply in this situation.
Religion Shouldn't Come Into Play
You were dating for a year, so he knows you more as a person. He
knows your likes your dislikes and your views on things. He knew
how you viewed God and yet because you would not change the way
you practice, he left you, knowing all the other things about you
he was with you for since the beginning. Why weren't those characteristics
about you a factor for him? I'm sorry, it still sounds to me like
he wanted out.
You Shouldn't Change
To answer your questions, no, you shouldn't have to change.
Let's say that you did change. Honestly what would the reason have
been? It would have been for him. You wouldn't have been happy (well
in an extreme case you could find happiness in it but I doubt that
would be your case since you said it scared you). And you would
have been in the relationship under false pretenses. That's not
a great way for a relationship to be.
Take Time To Think
What should you do? What should you say? Take a few nights to yourself.
You said it's only been a few hours. If you pull a band aid off
quickly there's a stinging feeling left behind. You still feel the
sting. Take a couple of days to clear your head (as I'm sure you
would have since it took a week or so to get this response so I
hope you cleared your head if you talked to him).
Find Out Why He Really Broke Up With You
If you were to talk to him, I personally would ask him what the
reason was for breaking up with you. Make him say specifically what
it was. Then ask him why he was with you for a year and then he
doesn't want to be with you anymore. If he loved you, then religion
would not stand in the way of being with you.
Get Over Him
My advice would be to take a couple of months off and get over
him. If he can change on a dime that quickly then who knows what
else he'll change his mind on. I know it's hard, I've been there
before.
Good luck.
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