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Dear Lexie,
First can I express how sorry I am to hear that you have been such
through traumatic events in the past. You are extremely brave to
be able to talk about it and seek advice, and even stronger to be
able to enter a relationship with another guy. I am sure you know
that you have many people (family, boyfriend and Love & Learn!)
to support you and help to you overcome your fears.
You Don't Have To Do Anything
The first thing to remember is that if your boyfriend asks you
for sexual activities and you aren't ready, you don't have to do
anything with him. If he loves you then he will wait, and even more
so in this situation.
He Doesn't Mind Waiting
If he pressured you all of the time, then this would indicate
that he probably only has one thing on his mind. Your boyfriend
has waited for almost a year, and from your question I am assuming
he is still waiting patiently. This tells me that he is a wonderful
guy who is understanding and likely to be trustworthy. He obviously
loves you for who you are, and not for any other reason - after
all, if he was only after sex, would he wait a year? I very much
doubt it.
You say other guys follow you around. Well, it is natural to be
creeped out - and if you notice a certain person acting in a way
which is making you nervous, then tell someone you trust, and
perhaps something can be done about it.
Ignore These Creeps
If it is just the odd guy here and there, then try not to worry
as much. Most guys can't process thoughts past the end of their...nose..
and when they see a pretty girl and can't help but stare. Try to
ignore it, but if you feel unsafe then be sensible about where you
go - don't go out alone at night, for example.
Again it is important to say here that, the fact that your boyfriend
is staying with you for mental relationship reasons shows that this
is what is important to him, and this is why he likes you. No doubt
he finds you attractive, but your personality is the most important
thing to him.
 Take
It SLOW
So, if you feel you want to start getting more intimate with your
boyfriend, then do so, but at your own pace. Explain to him how
you feel, if you haven't already, and that you want to take things
slowly to start with. Just because you do one thing, does not mean
you have to go all the way, or even halfway. Do what you want to
do, when you want to.
Once you get used to being more intimate with him, I have no doubt
that you will begin to feel more comfortable with the idea of getting
close, and by the time you have explored all areas of sexual activity,
you will feel a lot less insecure.
Having sex for the first time with a boyfriend is a big step to
take, and unfortunately more so for you given the bad memories attached
to it. But try to put the past behind you and remember that your
boyfriend loves you for who you are, and not your body.
Happiness Is Waiting For You
Insecurity is difficult to overcome, I know this from my own experience.
But you will feel a great sense of relief and happiness when you
realize that you are no longer scared and can finally let go and
have the fun that you deserve.
As I said before, anytime you are unsure or scared you have plenty
of options to find advice, so please don't feel alone. You are a
beautiful girl, no doubt as a person as well, so you deserve
to have a good time - don't let your fears take that away
from you.
Take care and good luck with your relationship (take it slow!),
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