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Dear Hopelessly In Love,
Your Relationship Faces Some Tough Obstacles
I'm going to have to assume that your boyfriend is approximately
your age, because you didn't tell us how old he is. It makes a difference.
If he's 22 like
you are, a five-year relationship means you two got together when
you were 17. Just going by the numbers, you two were probably the
first really serious
relationship either of you had.
Long Distance Relationships Should End After High School
This is a prime reason why I don't believe that high school relationships
should carry on through long-distances into college.
I would guess that your boyfriend doesn't want to get married now
because he doesn't feel it's the right time in his life.
You're 22 now, and YOU feel ready to tie the knot.
Your boyfriend has been with you since he was 17, and at the rather
young age of 22, he's being asked to forsake all others and be with
one woman for the rest of his life.
He's Wondering What Else Is Out There
I have to guess that he's not eager to take that leap because in
reality, you are the only woman he's had a deep relationship with.
He doesn't know what else is out there.
And he is thinking to himself, "If I get married now, I won't
ever know what it's like to be young and unattached. I've never
gotten the chance to sow my wild oats like everybody else seems
to be doing. I love my girlfriend very, very much, but how do I
know if she's the one for me if I've never really been with anybody
else?"
He has a choice to make; you can't make it for him.
He May Regret Marrying You
No one knows for sure if the two of you will end up living happily
ever after. But if he marries you now, there's a good chance he'll
regret not having experience with a wider variety of women.
He May Regret Not Marrying You
On the other hand, if he doesn't marry you now, and the two of
you go your separate ways, he'll have the chance to go and sow those
oats -- but he may regret not having married you now.
Perhaps if the two of you had met now, instead of five years ago,
he would be at the right point in his life to eventually marry you.
This answer is based on a bit of guesswork, but I suspect I'm right.
If you do wind up marrying him, you need to be sure that he has
thought about these
issues and discussed them with the people he trusts or with a therapist.
He should NOT marry you until and unless he is able to resolve
how he feels about this issue.
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