Dear Panel,
I am 20-years-old and have been in a committed
relationship for 9 months now and very happily, might
I add. Mike, who is 24-years-old, is trying to make
a living here in Vancouver to be with his friends and
to be with me.
The Network Of Friends
Mike, has a best friend whom he's very
loyal to, named Bob. Bob's girlfriend Jen, is also my
friend and is a cousin of my best friend, Lisa. All
of these people, I consider loyal and trustworthy people.
I Found Out He's Getting Married
I had recently found out from my best
friend Lisa, who had found out from her cousin Jen,
who had also found out from her boyfriend Bob, who happens
to be my boyfriend's best friend... that Mike had told
Bob he took an offer from his boss, which involved going
overseas to a foreign country to marry a girl, in turn
for a rather large sum of money.
The purpose of the marriage is so that
this allows the foreign girl to come to Canada legally,
and in turn he would get money out of it.
He's Never Mentioned It To Me
I'm upset that he made the promise without
my consent, and to this day he still has not told me
about this, for whatever reason I don't know.
His Friends Think He's Not Ready For
A Relationship
Another thing is that Bob has also told
Jen that he thinks Mike and I wouldn't last long because
he feels that Mike is "not ready" for a long
term relationship. Which I think, really means he still
wants to play the field.
We have had several issues regarding
this "not ready" topic in the past, but have
been able to overcome it. Although I still fear everyday
that him being not ready will end our relationship any
day.
Confronting Him Would Cause Complete
Chaos
Now, normally of course this problem would
be easily solved by confronting Mike about what I've
heard. However, all the information I've been told from
Lisa is meant to be classified and not to be mentioned
to Mike, otherwise it will definitely cause a chaos
and possibly end a few relationships just because of
that.
Now I don't intend on spilling this to
Mike because I've promised Lisa, but how do I go about
resolving this issue without telling him what I've heard?
I've spoke to him on the same night to ask him how he
felt about our relationship, and we both agreed that
things have been going exceptionally well for the past
while.
Should I End It?
My main concern now is if I should disregard
what has been said, and continue on with the relationship
being being aware of the facts I've heard, or should
I end this relationship immediately? My explanation
for ending the relationship would be that I feel he
is not ready to be with me yet, and that I think we
should go our separate ways. Or else there another solution
to this?
Should I end the relationship based on
what my friends are telling me?
Female, age 20, Vancouver
Bailey,
Indigo,
and Shaggy
answer this question.
