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Dear Georgia,
You are a smart woman. I can tell that immediately because of this
statement that you made in your letter: "I am scared I have
idealized the whole scenario."
That is exactly what I am going to address.
You, like many others many married folks, frequent chat rooms and
such on the Internet in search of the traits they are missing in
their mate or trying to fill up the hole of loneliness.
Everyone Wants To Know If The Grass Is Greener
It has become an epidemic in this country -- cruisin' for a brusin'...peering
over the fence at the greener grass.
It always appears that way, you know. I'm not saying you are wrong
in what your heart is searching for. This man, Jonathan, seems like
a good connection. What I can tell you is that everyone looks good
"on paper."
You don't really know someone until you have spent a significant
amount of time with them (months and months!) and the aura of newness
and excitement has been pushed aside giving way to what is truly
underneath the surface -- a human being. You are one of these human
types. So is your husband.
You Don't Know Jonathan Yet
Your new love, Jonathan, is also human, and believe me, there are
flaws there that you don't have a clue about yet. Consider what
you know, since what you don't know about him is not available for
scrutiny.
He May Cheat On You
He met you on the Internet. He is married and yet was anxious
to meet you, converse with you, have sex with you. If you left your
husband for this man, do you truly believe he would never do this
to you if you married him or were in a serious relationship with
him?
You have figured out what is ideal in a mate and when you look
at and consider this new man you, see this image, but...is the image
truly the man?
Chances are good that he is not going to live up to your expectations
over time. He will turn from a Prince, who is going to return you
to the comfort of your homeland and love you unconditionally, to
a flawed human being.
Boring Can Be Fixed
Before you make any major life changes, for your sake and the sake
of your children, slow down and consider what you are leaving (it
doesn't sound bad, it just sounds boring, and boring can be worked
on in a marriage), to what you might be getting yourself into.
If you are a gambling woman, you will jump ship. If you are a smart
woman, you will slow down and realize that you are trying to fill
the ache of your homesickness, which is understandable, with the
promise of a Prince Charming who may or may not be what he appears.
Give This Some Serious Thought
Put on the brakes. Think about this. Take some time. Consider that
you are making a decision, not only for yourself and your future,
but for your current husband, his current wife, and most importantly,
your own two
children.
Talk To Your Husband
Talk to your husband about your feelings of sadness and your longing
for returning to the US. Let him know how deep these feelings go
before you write him off forever.
Look hard before your leap, because often times you can not change
your mind in midair.
Let us know how things go.
– Miss
Kitty
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