Dear Susie,

Absolutely - if the two of you are willing to go to therapy and work through
this together, there is no reason why you can't have a healthy and loving
relationship.

Admitting Your Faults Is the First Step Toward Making Amends

One of the most important things I noticed about your letter was acknowledgment. I know from my own experience of being in bad relationships that it is important for the person who has been hurt or treated badly to feel validated. If you have acknowledged your actions towards this person and offered them a sincere apology, then you have taken the first steps towards making amends.

Don't Let It Become A Pattern

I would, however, caution you not to fall into the cycle of wronging your boyfriend and then apologizing and then wronging him again. This is a definite lose-lose situation that will, ultimately, lead to the demise of your partnership.

It is very important that you not only recognize your pattern of behavior but that you work very hard to change it, which is why I was also glad to hear that you are in therapy.

Work At Being A Happier Person

I would encourage you to take this time to work on yourself, regardless of the current status or impending expectations of your relationship.

I know a positive exercise that will help.

Try to work through the issues necessary to become a happier and emotionally healthier person or you will have nothing to offer your partner (or anyone else, for that matter) in the way of a fulfilling relationship.

Without a doubt, therapy can definitely improve your life and your relationships.

Start Communicating

You're jumping the gun. She's not ready to work on the relationship.

My main concern for your relationship is that it sounds as if a lot of anger, bitterness and resentment have built up over time. The two of you are going to have to stop blaming one another and begin truly communicating as a couple.

In fact, in addition to both of you being in individualized therapy, perhaps couple's therapy would also be helpful.

If this is what you both truly want out of a value you have for one another, not just because you are afraid of being alone - then I truly admire your desire to work it out despite a troubled history. Often, I think many people are too quick to walk out on a relationship when it doesn't just "come easy".

Good luck to you!

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