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Dear Susie,
You speak of being with your partner for 7 years and you have shut
yourself away from everyone and everything for the past few years.
He Has Showed Love And Devotion
I personally think the fact that he has stayed with you while you
basically treated him like dirt as you put it, says a lot for his
love and devotion to you.
According to your letter, you told him it was over after he came
back from holiday and not long after that he slept with someone
else. What did you expect him to do? You had told him it was over
and had been treating him like dirt for quite a while. His self-esteem
was probably pretty low coupled with the fact that you hadn't had
a proper sex life for a very long time.
Sex is a very important factor in a healthy relationship. Basically
for the past few years you have shut him out completely and are
then upset when he finds comfort with someone else after you have
ended the relationship. I understand that you're upset and hurt,
but it seems to me that he has stayed loyal to you in this relationship.
Let "The Other Woman" Go
I don't think questioning him about the other woman, sober or not,
is either healthy or wise. You will only end up making things harder
on both of you. You both need to let the other woman go in order
to move on. Don't continuously question him about her, this will
only hinder you both in building a new relationship.
In order to make this relationship work it is going to take a lot
of time and commitment. The fact that you expected everything to
return to normal straight away bothers me. It doesn't sound as if
you relationship has been normal for quite sometime.
I think he wants to make the relationship work based on what you've
told us. After all he has stayed with you and has agreed to work
at it.
You Would Both Benefit From Counseling
Being depressed can place a strain on any relationship. I do think
you are doing the right thing by seeking counseling. You have got
to figure out what is causing your depression. You've got to get
yourself straight before you can work on a relationship with someone
else. He needs to go ahead and get counseling as well. I also think
you both might benefit from couples counseling.
Do I think you can go back to learning to live with one another?
Well, in my opinion, that's not what you both need. You don't just
want to learn to live together, anyone can accomplish that.
Build A New Foundation
You need to work on rebuilding a solid foundation for yourselves
and your son. I do think you can build a great relationship as long
as you are both willing to try and put a lot of effort into it.
Relationships are tough. Both parties must be willing to compromise
and make sacrifices along the way.
Good Luck To You Both,
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