Dear Elizabeth,

Making friends shouldn't be hazardous to your marriage; but there are two hazardous things you have done.

The first is being deceitful to your husband. The second is getting into the position where another man is in love with you.

I don't buy that he just "fell" in love with you - you leave out your role in the relationship almost completely, and I doubt it was one sided.

Come Clean With Your Husband

You need to be up front and honest with your husband about what has happened, the friend you made, and acknowledge if you have made any mistakes of judgment or action.

Not necessary. She should just forget the dying guy.

Once you have reestablished honesty with your husband, please do some research into support groups regarding terminal illness.

I'm happy for your friend that he found someone to confide in and share his last months with; it just doesn't sound like he has found a very appropriate outlet for the need to leave something behind.

Help Him Find More Support

You said yourself he made the choice to distance himself from others; he can undo those choices and find someone (many people!) with a little more history in his life to share his last months with.

The more people he has to help and support him the better, particularly if those people have known him a long time and can help him feel at peace with the past as well as the present.

You Shouldn't Be His Sole Support

Wrong. Her husband should come first.

I don't mean to say you can't or shouldn't be there with him; being able to help someone in their last months of life is honorable. But it is not honorable for him to expect someone he just met to be his sole support.

And it is not honorable for you to play Florence Nightingale at the expense of relationships you have spent years developing, particularly with your husband.

Find a way to develop a healthy friendship with this person (and I think a support group can help here) that is a friendship, not a dependency and not a love affair.

– Judith