Dear Happily,

Right, wrong...who cares? You are in a situation that many people find themselves in after years of day to day living with their partner.

You are not alone in this, but it is time to make some important decisions that will affect your life and the life of your husband. You didn't mention whether you have children. That is a very important factor as your decision will affect and probably disrupt their lives in ways you can't begin to imagine.

If It IS Just About Sex, Learn To Communicate

If it is just the two of you, you must decide if you truly feel nothing for this fine man. If this is simply a case of, you don't feel the way you think that you "should" feel during sex, or you're not attracted to him physically, this is an issue that can often be worked through and dealt with through good
communication and perhaps (and I highly recommend) a third party, i.e. therapist or counselor. They can lead you successfully through the tools of good communication.

Sex is simply a part of a relationship. It can be a scapegoat for other feelings that may be missing in your marriage, so it's important to sort through what is truly the problem.

Surely You Feel Something

I'm sure she DOES love him.

If you have been with a man for 13 years, it is difficult to imagine that you don't feel something for him that perhaps can be ignited, or at least appreciated for what it is.

I agree. She should get counseling.

Again, you need a third person to help you sort through these feelings and perhaps help you mend a relationship that has tremendous potential.

If you feel nothing for this man, it is time to tell him that you have some empty feelings to discuss and see if the two of you can come to an understanding and solution.

Talk To A Counselor

I would not do this hastily and I would not do this without first talking to a counselor of some sort who might be able to help you get clear on what exactly is missing, or perhaps not missing after all. It is difficult to be your own Sherlock Holmes.

Don't make any rash decisions. Get some help sorting through this. Please keep us posted on how things work out. Deal?

– Miss Kitty