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Laura,
First of all, I want to commend you for your insightful question
- but since you felt a need to ask it, I think you might already
know the answer....
You're Dependent On Him
In my opinion, instead of falling in love with another person,
many people fall in love with the "idea" of that person.
Often, this idea is only our perception of who they are (or who
we want them to be) and doesn't truly represent them as individuals.
As a result, this is usually a temporary fascination or infatuation
we have with someone else - it isn't love at all. More than likely,
you won't experience the type of love you are questioning for a
few years.
I have to be honest and say that I question your motives when you:
a) have tried to break it off but can't stand to go too long without
talking to him and b) didn't want him to tell you he loved you until
after you asked him to stop, prompting you to tell him (insincerely)
just to hear him say it again.
You Don't Love Him
It sounds to me as if you are dependent on his attention. To keep
him as a "boyfriend" because of this is unfair to the
both of you. If you want my cut and dry answer to your inquiry,
then - no, you don't truly love this person.
You Can Be Friends
That doesn't mean, however, that you can't be friends with him.
If you enjoy talking to him online so much, make it an online friendship.
Find out what purpose it serves you to keep him as a "fantasy
boyfriend" and find other ways to fulfill that need within
your self.
We all like people who make us feel good about ourselves, but we
shouldn't rely solely on them for that reason.
One more thing, Laura - as both a mother and someone whose current
two year relationship stemmed from an online encounter, I have to
tell you to PLEASE be careful of whom you choose to meet face to
face with from Internet chat rooms.
Good luck to you.
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