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Dear Kurdt,
I totally understand where you are coming from.
I myself am in quite the same situation with a girl who lives 1,300
miles away from me. I am a 20-year-old kid, and I will be the first
to admit that I don't believe I know what love TRULY is, but she
is definitely the closest to anything I have had before. She fits
what I look for in a girl better than anyone that I have met. But
our lives are going down different paths right now, and one of us
would have to change them considerably to be together, and that
is not a good idea, for us or for you.
It is never easy, but you have to consider both of your situations
from all aspects and go from there.
First thing, she may not tell you about her true feelings or want
to let them out because she realizes the two of you will not be
able to be together with your current situations.
Distance Keeps You Apart
You are in school, and I take it you are going to be in school
for a while longer (you didn't state this fact, so this is a guess).
This means that to be together, either you have to drop out of school
(not a good idea), or she has to move to school with you.
If she would be going to school there as well, then it wouldn't
be too bad. But if she has a plan, and you have a plan, breaking
them for each other can be a bad thing.
College Is A Time To Date
Now, I take it you are probably like most 20-year-old male college
students and that you enjoy hanging out, going to parties, and meeting
ladies. These are all learning experiences that are invaluable in
molding what you are to become. They teach you about yourself and
your likes and dislikes.
Especially if you date girls and realize what you like and don't
like about them, then you can have a better idea of what you look
in girls in the future. Having a serious girlfriend can sometimes
curtail these experiences.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that it is BAD to have a girlfriend
in college, but the way you talk about this girl (all very familiar
things to say and feel ;-), it would be a very SERIOUS relationship,
which I honestly think most 20-year-olds are not ready for.
You said sometimes you think you love her, and others you aren't
sure. Well, this is totally fine and you should have to feel this
way, because you don't truly know yourself or your life enough to
make an educated decision on spending the rest of it with someone
else.
Don't Say Anything To Her
As for telling her how you feel in August, I would recommend against
it. I know it is EXTREMELY hard to not express your feelings, especially
if the person is right there, but if you are going to be apart again
after you tell her, I don't think it is a good idea.
It will just weird out things between the two of you and bring
out feelings that can't be realized. She knows how you feel, she
hasn't forgotten, and she will always remember.
Everything happens for a reason. Maybe now is not the time for
the two of you to be together. That time could be down the road,
when you have learned more about yourself and your desires in life.
Do what makes you happy. Just don't make your happiness reliant
on another person, find it in yourself.
Sincerely,
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