Dear Panel,

I am 15-years-old. I have liked this guy at my school since the first day of freshmen year and it is now the end of my sophomore year.

I have tried many ways to get this guy to like me. At the beginning of this year he sort of liked me. We hung out and became friends like I wanted to. It was great. Then it kind of died off.

Our Friendship Died

I was upset when he "turned me down" in a way. I didn't know if he liked me or not. I knew he didn't want a girlfriend, and that made me sad. So in a way, I felt like I had no other way to get close to him than to have sex. I knew it was a big step.

Then I was talking to one of my friends I had just met, and he is good friends with the guy I like. So I told him my situation and he is a very mature guy, and gave me advice.

He Refused To Sleep With Me

We jokingly talked about this guy and how I should just ask him if he wants to "hit it and forget it" and of course he also is a good guy. He refused.

That made me upset. So we went on for a little longer not speaking, that broke my heart. Gradually we began speaking, I knew it was his decision because after he turned me down (him being a guy, I thought he would WANT to have sex, and that was the only way for us to be closer) he began to talk to me again. I was really happy!

I Tried To Get Over Him

Then last week, I was like, you know what forget about him, he doesn't want me and that's it. So I went to my friends house and we got drunk, it was sort of an escape for me, so I could let out all my emotions. I was sort of over this guy.

Then at my friend's house there was another guy, and we messed around that night, but I know I hadn't lost my virginity to him, which I sort of wanted to just to get it over with. Lately that's all I've been thinking about. I really wanted to lose it to this guy I've liked for 2 years but he totally turned me down, which broke my heart. Last weekend was nothing, and that guy also after we messed around turned me down.

So as you can see I'm in a huge state of depression or what one would call depression. I haven't felt really depressed because I have friends to comfort me, and it brings the discomfort of all these guys away.

I say if it weren't for the occasional good times in life, I wouldn't be able to live anymore. But I know that's not what God has planned for me, so I shouldn't commit suicide. I try to live a Christian based life, but as a teenager it is hard.

We Started Talking Again

Well anyways back to the main story, this guy I've like for a long time, started talking to me again last week, and there is no possible way I could just ignore him. I know he messes with my mind a lot, mainly because I guess it is fun to him since he knows I like him so much, guys are such a$$holes.

In the beginning of this week he said he maybe could take me to school, which he didn't, and that didn't bother me. I once again tried to give up on him, I figured he would never come around to his since and see who I really am. But then there was yesterday, the day before that he had invited me to his friends house, but I didn't have a ride, so I was once again left sad.

Then yesterday he invited me to his house (what's up with this guy messing with my emotions?) which I couldn't refuse. I was soo happy that he hadn't given up on me like I most likely would have on him.

I Know I'm Obsessed

So I asked my mom to take me to his house to hang out. I was finally happy, not totally satisfied because I still know I will never have the comfort of say he is "mine". I guess I'm really obsessed with him, and I wouldn't deny that. I really like this guy and know that he is the one I would want to have premarital sex with, if it is with anyone. He is the one that I want to lose my virginity with. No doubt about it. I don't know why I feel this way, but I just do.

Anyways, last night when I was at his house, we did IT. I was relieved that he would after he has done nothing but turn me down. It made me really happy even though it hurt. I'm just glad I lost it to him and not some other loser.

Should I pursue him? How could I keep him now?

Female, age 15, Florida

Lefty, Sabine, Miss Kitty, and Sara answer this question.