Dear Bob,

Just how accidental was finding that letter? Well, my first thought is, you're not a very nice person for having set up a monitoring program on her email.

Chill Out

But let's not start there. Let's start with the jealously thing. You're right. You are incredibly jealous, and you need to chill out.

Wrong! His behavior will lead him to cheat eventually.

If she hasn't cheated on you and you've been dating for 2 years, it's likely she won't cheat on you.

Jealousy is a common emotion in a relationship. You must remember that there is a whole range of emotions in a relationship that don't much come into play in a healthy persons everyday world: jealousy, insecurity, indecisiveness, and others that I'm sure I've experienced. Because they aren't part of the everyday, we have more trouble handling them.

Yep. And in order to trust, he has to let go of the past.

You seem to have a trust issue going on here, and you've let one apple spoil your whole bunch. There is a huge amount of trust that goes into a relationship.

It seems like you almost want her to break your trust to justify your jealousy. You're looking for justification, and you're frustrated that you're not finding anything in the real world. You've only found something in the virtual world. And you know that the Online World is not the real world. Remember that!

It's Not Real, It's Not Romance

Right. The flirting is just part of her online identity.

We can be anyone we want online from who we really are, to pretending that we are spies for the CIA. She is flirting with people who aren't necessarily real people, and you know it.

I disagree. Internet flirting does have meaning.

In order for those people to be real, you have to know them in reality, you have to meet them. Not talk to them online, not play games, not write notes, not even talk on the phone. Meet them. Face to face. And she has not. And flirting is not romance.

Stop The Monitoring

I suggest that you drop the monitoring thing right now. You're invading her privacy, and in every relationship there is an Me/You/We factor. She needs her own space, you're invading it. The same way that I'm sure you would be
furious if she was reading your email and monitoring your online activity.

I think that you're overanalyzing everything and that you need to calm down. In your letter you are putting your impressions into our picture of her, when you said "(because of guilt and that she cares about me)". I don't doubt that she does care about you, but to assume that she's doing something
out of guilt?

You sound a little controlling to me. Maybe she's not telling you the "truth" because there is no "truth" to tell. What I would say you need to do, is back off, relax, flirt with her, and don't be so darn jealous.

– Jennae