What's Up Bob?

A couple of issues to address here. First, let's look at this jealousy thing.

Let Go Of The Past

If it truly stemmed from being cheated on 10 years ago, then put this into perspective. At that age significant milestones of maturity included figuring out which cap to wear to class and how much beer can be consumed while being held upside down. To be mature enough to manage the hormones darting through their pants is a bit of a stretch.

Not that that's an excuse to cheat, and you certainly got the short end of that stick, but don't let it eat you up. (BTW, you should have kicked her to the curb early, and I'm sure you know that now, but you were just as young and naive as she was.) People that age screw around and screw up. But then they grow up...and with luck they are mature enough to understand the value of a meaningful relationship.

Expect that level of maturity from a woman, and keep looking until you find her. Expect a woman to believe that openness and honesty are key ingredients to a successful relationship. If that quality is in someone, then the jealousy bit shouldn't be an issue.

Now, about your Carnivore e-mail monitoring tendencies. I can't say that was a bright move, but it was your jealousy getting the better of you. Fix the jealousy (that's solely your deal) and her constitutional rights should be observed.

Telling Her Will Only Create More Problems

You're wrong. Honesty IS most important. He SHOULD tell her what he did.

Should you give full disclosure that you did this? I know I just told you about openness and honesty, and if you want to be Honest Abe then go for it, but you'd probably create more problems for yourself than you'd fix.

That aside, the problem at hand is that she is using another emotional channel besides you to express a certain side of her, thereby violating your newfound litmus test. You felt that way independent of your e-snooping, all you've done was prove it.

Tell Her You're Uncomfortable

But he shouldn't be uncomfortable. It's not real.

Be honest with your feelings and expect her to do the same. Tell her the e-chatting with this Internet Romeo still makes you uncomfortable. Ask her to curb the gaming and spend more time with you.

You got it right earlier, the jealousy is HIS problem, not hers.

If she doesn't, you'll be stuck in a morass of jealousy which will probably drive you nuts in the long run. You shouldn't have to deal with that. Find someone else. It may be tough love but you need to look out for your own well-being first, then find someone who complements it.

And incidentally, I've seen way too many episodes of "CSI" to believe that the man on the other side of the modem is who he claims to be. He's probably one of those kids 10 years younger than you, screwing around and screwing up.

Hope this helps. Maybe a virtual hug is in order.

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