| Dear Trisha,
I'm sorry you have had such terrible occurrences in your life that
you actually wake up with panic attacks. I, too, was raised in a
rather dysfunctional home and used to suffer from panic attacks
myself, but my attacks were usually during the day and would often
subside with controlled breathing and relaxing.
I was glad to hear that you are in therapy - I know it made a huge
difference in my life.
Because of situations in my childhood, I personally, have entered
into many relationships with "emotional baggage" and have
found my partners to respond in different ways.
My Boyfriends Would Get Resentful
In my case, most partners were initially very understanding and
often tried to help me to the best of their ability - after awhile,
however, if I didn't appear to be "getting better", most
of my boyfriends would feel helpless and, often times, resentful.
I think this stemmed from them feeling as if they had to "fix"
a situation that, frankly, they couldn't.
In your case, Trisha, I do not know if your boyfriend has ever
been supportive of you but the fact that he gets almost "downright
nasty" is cause for concern. It could be that he simply doesn't
understand the magnitude of what you are experiencing and, therefore,
feels frustrated by it.
Sometimes, people get upset if they continually feel responsible
for "picking up the pieces" to circumstances that they
did not create. Please understand, Trisha, I am NOT suggesting that
this is "okay" - I definitely think he could be more sensitive
towards you. I'm merely attempting to consider the "whys"
behind his behavior.
 Talk
To Him
If you haven't already, take the time to talk to him about this
matter when you are not in the midst of an attack. Ask him what
it is that makes him angry. If he's describing sleep time as "his"
time, he may need more personal time of his own - perhaps making
him a bit more available to you when these attacks occur.
Because I also get an overwhelming sense that there is more to
the situation than what your letter contains, I would also consider
joint counseling with your boyfriend. I believe communication is
one of the top priorities in a relationship and therapists and counselors
can often be wonderful mediators for this.
Good luck to you,
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