| Dear Tinia,
Get Out
If you are going to take anything away from my response, let it
be this: GET THE HELL OUT OF YOUR SITUATION!
From reading this e-mail I think you already knew that answer,
but at the same time you failed to grasp why, and the harm you're
putting yourself in.
Bottom line, learn to un-love this guy. (In fact, I don't really
believe you love him beyond an infatuation, so it should be easy.)
He Won't Jeopardize His Life For You
Do you possibly think this guy would jeopardize his job, wife,
and two kids, to run off with some booty-on-the-side he's only known
for two months? That's a pretty big expectation for him, and odds
are he's not man enough to take it.
 He
Will Continue His Cheating Ways
For the sake of argument, let's say he DID. He ditched his family,
and he's in a blissful relationship with you. What's keeping him
from cheating on you? How do you know that those late nights at
work isn't just another booty call? You couldn't trust him farther
than you could throw him! He's inherently broken his trustworthiness
by sleeping with you while he was married.
This is not the kind of drama you should deal with in a relationship.
Get yourself out of this situation. Clearly and cleanly break it
off with him. You don't owe him a reason; if he asks, just point
to the ring on his finger.
Find Another Job
Also I suggest you find another job (or another boss to work for);
for beginners, this has "sexual harassment" written all
over it. Furthermore, and allow me to be blunt here, Paul views
you as a second class citizen. If he had to choose between you or
his wife/kids/job, where do you think his loyalties lie? But right
now he's probably thinking he can have his cake and eat it to, as
evidenced by his continued flirtation with you at work.
This guy is a miserable failure at being a husband, father, and
boss. Tinia, could I be anymore obvious? Get rid of the guy!!!
The reason why I said that this was harmful to you is because,
let's face it, YOU put yourself in this situation. There is definitely
a low self-esteem issue at play here, and it only gets lower by
putting yourself in the arms of a committed man.
Become Happy With Yourself
There's no quick way for you to get past this. It's not a switch
you can turn on at will. My advice to you would be that you need
to be happy with yourself before you can truly be happy with someone
else. Find things that YOU enjoy doing, regardless of your company.
Take a trip, find a hobby, read, whatever - with your friends or
just by yourself. As long as it brings YOU true fulfillment.
Take some time to heal from this. Once you've "discovered"
yourself, it's a lot easier to know what you want (single boy) and
don't want (married boy) in a relationship. Had you had this stable
emotional base, Paul wouldn't have even been on your radar screen.
So, to recap:
- He's a creep. Lose him.
- Find happiness, sans boys.
- Then, look for SINGLE boys.
Hope this helps. I'm off like a prom dress.
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