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Dear Shane,
First and extremely important, is your outlook on a couple things.
You DO NOT need this girl to make it through the academy. You shouldn't
need ANYONE to make you happy. You need to be happy with yourself.
Personally, I think the fact that I just got into the Air Force
Academy would be a pretty good start at being happy with myself.
It is never a good think to be reliant on another person to make
you happy, because you begin to depend too much on the person, and
if you "lose" them in some way, you won't be able to function.
You Don't Need A Girl To Succeed
YOU DO NOT NEED THIS GIRL TO SUCCEED AT THE AIR FORCE ACADEMY!
In fact, she may make things WORSE for you. You are going to be
tearing yourself up the entire time thinking about whether this
girl is being a "slut" or not, and you are not going to
be able to focus.
You Can't Change Her
So you have realized that you are going to be unable to change
her? This is good, because trying to change someone is a black hole,
especially when it comes to changing someone in a relationship.
You get sucked in (much like you are) and you can't get out. So
if all of your efforts to change her don't work, then stop and save
your energy.
The next hurdle is love. This is not love, in the way that love
really is. You guys have a love relationship that isn't love of
the person, it is love of the convenience. She needs you for your
support, and you need her for hers.
You don't love each other the way people should, you love each
other for the "happiness" and security you get out of
having the other person.
You would not talk the way you do about her if you TRULY loved
her. And this is true with most high school relationships. Been
there, done that, and trust me, there is better love and better
women the older you get.
If You Do Fail, Your Life Won't Be Ruined
A little off subject, but this "Getting into the Academy is
the first step to my dream of becoming an astronaut, so I can't
possibly fail, or my life will be ruined" is bullshit.
Why? Because you may get there and realize that it ISN'T what you
want to do, and because you have built it up so much, you cannot
possibly let it go. I wanted to design cars, I went to the best
school for automotive engineering, and after interning and seeing
what I was going to be doing, I realized I wanted to do something
else.
Now I am working on a business degree in Florida, and I am happier
than ever. Such is life. It will throw you more curveballs than
you can imagine. But it is OK for life to not go as planned, as
long as you make sure you keep going.
Staying With Her Will Make You Miserable
So, here is the answer to your question. It is hard to be "completely
happy". Staying with this girl is not going to make you completely
happy, it might just make you completely miserable. She does not
seem as though she would remain loyal to you, and hearing that she
has cheated on you is going to be much worse that ending it.
I know you feel that the "love" will help you get through
the academy, and that you won't make it through without it, but
you will, trust me (you are not too far off of where I was two years
ago before I left for school). I have come through with so much
more.
It all won't be peachy, and there will be times that you really,
really miss her and things won't be going well, but you will get
through them.
End It
So I would end it, and keep your distance. Go to the Academy (keeping
in mind that failure is not the end of your life) and do it by yourself,
for yourself.
Best of luck Shane, I hope it all works out for you. Make sure
you work on your confidence in yourself (which I am sure the Academy
will greatly help) because confidence in yourself is the key to
having the belief that you can do what you want in life.
Sincerely,
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