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Dear Frustrated Girl,
It sounds like your mother is having a hard time letting you grow
up. I mean, you're 23-years-old, a full-grown adult capable of living
and growing independently, and yet your mother is exercising a great
amount of control over your life.
Your Mother Is Selfish
You may call it love, and in many ways, her behavior is borne of
love, but it's also born of selfishness. Parents who are often overprotective
once their children are capable of exercising autonomy are, in many
ways, trying to live life through their children.
Perhaps your mother is upset with some of the choices she's made
in her life, and wants the opportunity to go back and make different
decisions for herself by going through you. You cannot let this
happen.
Now, that's not to say that parents cease to become important in
our lives. After all, they're the ones who raised us and instilled
values into us. Their approval is significant, but not absolute.
What your mother must understand is that while she brought you
up under her value system, you have personalized that for yourself.
What she values in a mate may differ vastly from what you value,
and that is something she must understand.
You're In A Loving, Happy Relationship
It sounds like R is a decent guy, and from what I can gather, it
sounds like you have a very healthy and loving relationship, certainly
one that you do not wish to lose. You say you have the support of
the rest of your families, so why let one dissenting opinion stop
you?
 Your
Mother Has To Realize You're An Adult
Your mother needs to understand that you are an adult, and that
you are in love, and that's something that you've had to find for
yourself.
Help her to understand that even if she's right and being with
him is a mistake (which I doubt), it's a mistake you have to make
on your own. Sooner or later the training wheels have to come off.
Ask her to understand what he means to you, and if she continues
to be selfishly stubborn about R, then that's her problem. If he's
truly the one, go for it.
True love is very special and extremely rare. Don't let someone
else ruin it for you by trying to dictate your life.
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