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Dear Flirting,
It sounds like you have more than one problem. On one hand, you
find yourself being friendly and getting in trouble for it and on
the other hand, you find boys responding to your friendliness and
you have other girls resenting you.
The first thing that I think you need to keep in mind is that relationships,
especially at your age, when hormones are racing, can be very intricate
and complicated even when you don't mean for them to be.
Girls Get Nasty When They're Jealous
In addition, girls and guys tend to find themselves competing with
one another and usually the girls who are getting the attention
from the guys are labeled as sluts regardless of whether or not
their actions deserve to be labeled as such. Unfortunately, people
can get very jealous and they often allow their jealousy to make
them malicious and they say things that they don't mean.
Don't Change
If you feel like this is you, then I say that you have no need
to change your behavior but rather just be aware of the situation
and try to stay clear of those girls who are jealous.
However, having said that, if you are feeling guilty or even ashamed
because you feel like your reputation has earned itself- in other
words, you are a bit too friendly and outgoing, then there are a
few things that you can look out for when you are around these guys
and girls.
Do you find yourself at the center of attention all the time? Are
you there because you are constantly trying to be there or is it
just because the guys seem to be attracted to you? If you realize
that you are constantly calling attention to yourself, take a step
back and remind yourself that its ok not to be in the spotlight
all the time.
Do You Dress Like A Slut?
If you feel that the guys just seem to be more attracted to you,
ask yourself why. Is it because your clothes are too tight and your
bikinis very skimpy? Or are you blessed with a pretty face and slim
figure? Sometimes it is not your fault, as I have said before, that
others are attracted to you.
Avoid Physical Contact
As far as general advice for NOT being flirtatious, I would say
the following: Try not to use your hands and be too touchy, if you
find yourself tapping people, touching their arms, pushing them
gently, etc. this can often be explained as flirtatious and a lot
of girls find this both threatening and aggravating.
In addition, try to be aware of your facial expressions- do you
bat your eyes? tilt your head? make eyes, etc.? Once you have diagnosed
your flirtatiousness, or lack thereof, then you can find a way of
toning it down.
Remember, guys find quiet, friendly, mysterious girls too.
Good luck- always remember to be yourself.
– Foxy
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