| Dear Flirting,
Funnily enough, I have a friend who sounds very much the same.
She has confided with me in the past that she feels as though she
has to put on a front to others to prevent herself feeling insecure,
but unfortunately she only attracts negative attention from others
by appearing to be too much of a flirt and show-off.
The first thing I think you should pay attention to, is your motives
for being flirty. It appears you must be, to some degree, too flirtatious
if many people are noticing this (however if the comments only come
from girls who have crushes, it could well be jealousy remember!).
So, why are you being flirty? I can think of three possible reasons:
you are insecure and feel the need to put on a front (not necessarily
consciously - like my friend above), you actually fancy some of
these guys and therefore flirt to gain wanted attention and maybe
more, or perhaps you just want, as you say, to come across as fun.
You're Insecure
Lets take the first option - insecurity. If it is this, then you
need to look past "how to flirt", and more into "why
am I insecure". This is a more complex subject and you would
be surprised how many people are insecure in some way or another.
And, just as there are hundreds of reasons for insecurity, there
are hundreds of ways in which it can show. Perhaps for you this
is the over-flirty attitude.
Now, if you are actively thinking "i want to come across as
fun" then it is possible that you think you are NOT fun, and
you have to do something to ensure that you ARE. This is the insecurity
idea again.
If it is this reason why you are flirting, then you need to remember
that really if you try too hard, you won't get. Therefore if you
keep trying too hard to be fun, you probably won't be.
Focus On One Guy you Really Like
Instead, relaxing and being yourself will get far more positive
results. If it is the second reason, that you fancy some of these
guys, then I suggest finding one you like a lot, and focusing your
attention on him. That way you won't seem like such a general flirt,
and also the guy in question will be a lot more likely to realise
you like them and then hopefully something will come of it.
To answer your question though, its tricky. Some people are really
flirty, and I have encountered many of them. I will be honest with
you, I have in the past been out with my boyfriend and had a few
of the flirty kinds being too friendly with my boyfriend, and admittedly
I will get annoyed very quickly and usually take instant dislikes
to them. You need to be careful that you aren't like this at all.
Unfortunately, being too flirty with lots of people can look slutty,
and it can earn the distaste of others if its overdone. Don't get
me wrong, being friendly and cheerful is never a crime, its just
if you take things a bit too far then it is going to get on a few
people's nerves. For example: the odd compliment is cool, so is
a nice smile, perhaps a friendly pat on the arm. These are things
which can be friendly flirting.
Be Friendly, Not Flirty
Then other actions, like batting your eyelids, flicking your hair,
pressing yourself against people, throwing compliments left, right
and center, and generally looking seductive are much more sexy flirting
methods, and unless you fancy the person its not a good idea to
do them!
In any case they should be kept low-key because if you attempt
to flirt in that way with someone who may not be interested you
will also make them feel very uncomfortable in your company, which
would then defeat your object.
If you are just trying to be fun I suggest just sticking to the
friendly methods because too much of the sexy flirting with too
many people will come across giving others the wrong impression,
as you may have seen.
I am sure you have nothing to worry about regarding being friendly.
If you are in a group of 10 or so people and you haven't noticed
any nasty attitudes towards you, then I would take a safe bet to
say they are your friends and there is no need to impress any more
than being yourself.
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