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Dear Torn,
This is a hard question to answer because I have the feeling
that some important information is missing.
Under normal circumstances I would say that it is unreasonable
of your husband to expect you to give up an innocent friendship
with someone you have known all your life.
Since you love each other and have a "wonderful, open relationship",
why hasn't he told you why he feels uncomfortable, now, after all
these years? Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
You're Marriage Isn't Solid
If your marriage was as solid as you say, he wouldn't be suspicious
of you every time you leave the house, especially if he thinks
you are hanging out with someone that he must know is and always
has been a good friend to you.
Why is he all of the sudden finding you untrustworthy?
It's one thing to think you are, perhaps naively, spending
too much time with a male friend, it's totally something else to
think that you are telling him you're taking the
kids to soccer practice or whatever but are really lying and meeting the
friend.
Are You Hiding The Truth?
Now let's play devil's advocate. Someone may have a secret.
I don't know if it is you or him, but it is messing up your relationship.
If you and your friend are really innocent in your hearts and actions,
OK.
If you're not, it is cruel to make him feel crazy like this when
you know damn good and well that he's on to you. Come clean, or
just leave the friend alone.
Maybe your husband has the secret. In my experience, the most suspicious
people are the sneakiest. Maybe he is projecting his guilt onto
you, or doesn't want you to have a friend who might be able
to help you figure out that he's dirty. Take a closer look at that.
As usual, the real answer is more honest communication between
you and your husband. It's not always fun or easy, but you simply
cannot get around doing it.
Good Luck,
– Patra
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