Hi KK,

First off, I wish that I could be encouraging. I know how important it is, in a relationship, for the parties first to become close friends. These are the people that we always HOPE will be the ones we will eventually share our love and our lives with.

He Doesn't Get It

Unfortunately, there are many people who just cannot permit themselves to enter into an interracial relationship because of the pressures resultant in doing so, from friends, from parents, from society as a whole. We've come a long way, but, we still have a long way to go.

Although your friend says that this is the ONLY thing keeping him from a relationship with you, it is a major thing. Your race (as you say, "what you are") is a major part of WHO you are. It seems that he can accept you, as a friend, but is not comfortable with taking the friendship any farther.

In order for a relationship to flourish, both parties must be willing to accept each other for WHO they are. How people feel about interracial relationships is not something they are born with, it is something they are taught, through society, through their parents.

He's Not Ready To Stand Up For You

For a couple to enter into an interracial relationship, both parties must be strong enough to face the consequences of what society, their parents and even their friends might think about their choice. Your friend is not at that point right now. He is still very concerned with what his friends think and is not willing to "risk" their friendship for a relationship with you.

Right now, your boyfriend is at a point in his life where his peers (and what they think) is very important to him. Later on, when he is older, he may be able to make these types of life decisions on his own, in a more mature fashion. Then, again, he may not. Some people allow others to influence them in everything they do.

Cherish The Friendship

Wake up! It's not a real friendship. He doesn't really like her.

If you are as close friends as you say, cherish the friendship. Most people can count on one hand the true, lasting friendships that they have developed throughout their lives. Maybe, though you go separate ways in later life, you will remain good friends and will be able to call upon each other for support and love.

What you need to do is to make a decision here. Is having a relationship with this man more important to you than the friendship that you have cultivated? If it is, I would advise you to find love elsewhere.

But KP, why she would even want him as a friend?

If the friendship is as dear, as you say it is, accept it at face value and be happy with it.

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