| Dear Chaz,
Well, pal, all I can say is, don't let something called standards
or good taste stop you. But by the way, that is exactly why this
is a bad ideal.
You Are Related
It doesn't matter if you are not blood cousins. It would not matter
if she was your 4th cousin 30 times removed. It would not even matter
if she was your father's brother's sister's cousin's uncle's roommate.
She is family and family are out of the general dating pool for
good reason.
Let us pretend that such a thing is not taboo for a moment. Let
us pretend that such a thing is not against all etiquette of conventional
society. For that matter, let us pretend that the whole ideal does
not make this panelists skin crawl. Let us examine the situation
logically.
It Will Create Major Weirdness
First of all, There is the weirdness it would create in your family
environment. How do you honestly expect your mother and stepfather
to respond to such a situation? Some people think that stepparents
are not worthy of inclusion into the parental picture.
Speaking as a former stepparent, these people are wrong. He may
be just your stepfather, however, he and his family are worthy of
respect from you. That is R-E-S-P-E-C-T, meaning they should be
treated according to the same kind of conditions you treat those
you consider to be your "blood".
Your references to him as the "guy your mother married a
year ago" certainly illustrate your true feelings, or lack
of them, for him.
I doubt the man would be pleased with you trying to date members
of his family. Marital relations is still technical relations, as
you say. They may not always be bound to the unconscious stipulations
we place on our own genetic kin, but they are still relations. With
this in mind, dating your cousin is dating your cousin. Dueling
banjos anyone?
Don't Put Her In That Situation
Also in your letter, you fail to mention her feelings in this situation.
What if she doesn't share them? What if you place her in what can
potentially be an extremely uncomfortable situation for her (to
say nothing about everybody else)? That isn't fair at all. She shouldn't
be made to suffer because you can't control yourself.
There is also the matter of the age difference. It's not a massive
span yet enough to open up a whole new chain of headaches for you.
18 may be classified as a legal adult, yet 18 year olds aren't really
adults yet. When you add up all of those negatives, you fall dangerously
far from a positive. Remember that.
You're Immature
There are boundaries within families for good reason. I stress
the word family because I think it's something you should familiarize
yourself with. No offense, you seem awfully immature for a 24 year
old. You are old enough to know better.
It's right that you don't tell her. In fact, forget about it. If
you absolutely have to have a relationship with someone, I suggest
you seek other potential partners besides your teenage cousins.
Try living in the adult world for awhile. After all, you are one.
–
|
