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Dear Zorro,
You're Not A "Good Fit"
I'm not sure exactly what you mean by "chemistry," but
it is my experience that the body does not lie. If the sex goes
bad, or never takes off, something is not quite right.
Some people are just not a good fit (so to speak) as lovers, even
though they may be compatible in other ways.
Every relationship has its own character and path, which doesn't
always fit neatly into social categories such as friend, girlfriend,
or wife.
Why not just let every relationship be what it is? Even though
it is standard operating procedure in our society, I think it is
folly to try to have all your needs met by one person.
Nurture A Friendship With You Ex
If things are fine with the woman you hooked up with, both in and
out of bed, what's the problem? Can't you continue to nurture a
connection with your ex that does not involve sex?
And if that is not acceptable to her or you, why not just let it
go? You can't have everything all the time. Sometimes another person
meets some of your needs perfectly, but if the terms of your relationship
are not acceptable to her, there is nothing you can do.
It sounds like you become dissatisfied with relationships by measuring
them against some standard, such as Ms. Right, future wife, someone
who meets every need. That may indeed be what you are hunting for,
in which case neither of these women appear to fit the bill.
I have never met Mr. Right and am not sure he exists. Every relationship
involves compromises, and there will always be certain aspects of
it that are not perfectly smooth, ask anyone who has been married
a few decades.
Nobody Is Perfect
We are all human and imperfect, and our luck and timing are rarely
100
percent click. I like this quote from M.P. Follett's "Creative
Experience," and try to let it guide my decisions: "No
human relation should serve an anticipatory purpose. Every human
relation should be a freeing relation, with the 'purpose' evolving."
In the long run, "chemistry" is only part of what you
have with another person. It's up to you to decide how important
that element is.
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