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Dear M,
How did you know we were going to jump on you for meeting in a
chat room? Guilty conscience, eh? Just kidding.
OK, let's get to the real issue at heart: age difference. Granted,
14/18 isn't a huge age difference. You both are in fairly similar
places for awhile, ie. high school, living at home, etc.
However, when you advance past 18 things may become a bit different
as far as being able to relate to each other. Yes, your goals may
be the same, but you--at 18--are an adult and she, as you mentioned,
is a minor. We'll get to THAT problem here at the end.
You're Not In The Same Location
Now one big question that I have is what is the geographical setting
for this whole mess? I mean, are you in Hawaii and she lives in
Ohio?
You met in a chat room, so the possibilities are endless. I assume
if you have been hot for her for 17 months, that you have MET at
some point. Is this true?
If not, how do you know that this girl is even worth your trouble?
You can only know someone SO WELL on a computer, believe it or not.
Nothing is as real time as face time... (Yes, Love & Learn,
you can quote me on that one.)
You're 18!
All this aside, my main concern is this: you are 18. EIGHTEEN!
I know you think you are oh-so mature and worldly and what you want
now is what you will want 5-10-15 years down the road, but put all
this into perspective.
You have a really neat friend that you care a lot about, but there
is a whole world out there and you will never be able to see it
and enjoy it in THESE CRUCIAL YEARS if you have your tongue shoved
down a 14-year-old's throat or you are glued to your keyboard sharing
your fantastic vocabulary with her day and night. (Ennui??? Conflagration??
You are every English teacher's fantasy!)
You'll Miss Out
I will wrap this up, FINALLY, with a little anecdote. (See, I have
some words up my sleeve too!) I have a friend who started dating
a 15-year-old girl when he was 21. We all figured that it would
blow over soon. OH NO!!! He has been with her for like 5 years now
and for those 5 years, that bastard has not been able to go into
a bar with us because of her! And you better believe we are all
pissed!
As silly as this sounds, the point is he misses out on a lot of
things because she is in a different place than he is. Over the
years, their goals have changed, the personalities have changed,
and they have really wasted each others time...my 26-year-old friend
is realizing this now.
So understand, what you want at 18 isn't always what you want at
19, 21, 30.
4 Years Is A Long Time To Wait For Sex
Keep an open mind and get perspective on the matter. Talk to your
friends and family...get feedback and please, don't tie yourself
down because 4 years is a long time to wait for sex. There--I said
it.
Good luck!
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