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Dear Confused,
Statistically speaking, your friends and family may be right when
they say those kind of relationships "never work,"
and there are undoubtedly many more that agree with them, but
given what you have explained about your long history together,
as well as how determined your boyfriend seems stay with you,
I think there is a more optimistic side to be seen.
First of all, family members and friends (especially those with
firsthand experience) can be a great resource as far as advice goes
and should be at least listened to--they're only watching out for
us, after all--but everything essentially boils down to what you
and your boyfriend feel.
Since you were best friends before you dated, there is probably
a lot of emotional attachment and that fulfilling sense of intimacy
that nobody wants to let go. These are things in your relationship
that can't be felt by others; in other words, only you feel what
you feel for him and their thoughts on your relationship are just
that: their thoughts.
Weigh The Benefits
Secondly, weigh the benefits. You've got a couple things to take
into consideration here. Yes, college can be a very good thing,
the next necessary advancement in our lives and careers, and going
to two colleges that are separate both geographically and in size
is going to be a major stressor in your relationship,
guaranteed. Speculate on what's going to happen if you were to break
up with this boyfriend who is such a close friend to you as well.
What else is out there? Who else is out there? Will you find something
comparable to what you have now? Answering questions
like these for yourself is going to reveal how much value you really
place on your relationship with this guy.
You have options, of course, one of which would be to ditch
your college and stick to him wherever he goes, but you would
only be 40 miles apart, so I'm not going to suggest anything that
drastic.
Stay Together
If this relationship is everything you and your boyfriend (hint,
that means both of you) believe it to be, I personally think you
can be happy staying where you are, attending your school, writing
to him, and arranging time to spend together on the weekends
and such.
It Will Take Work
And overall, if you want to stay with this wonderful guy of yours,
it's going to take work, sacrifice, and compromise for the
both of you. It will be hectic scheduling--that's just the
way college is--but even if you both went to the same school
you'd still experience difficultly finding that free time away
from demanding academics.
I believe things like this can work, but they have to be made
of something substantial to start with. Your situation and background
with your boyfriend sounds very similar to how my girlfriend and
I were before we fell in love, and right now she lives 6000
miles away from me but we couldn't be more into each other.
Yes, geographical distance and living in different places can
put a heavy strain on any relationship, but closeness is a
feeling between two people that they share intimate knowledge
of each other and that is something that transcends your location.
Talk To Him
Talk these things over for him, and between the two of you the
decision should be made about what you are going to do. You
may be just the one percent that makes it out of all those
"long-distance" relationships, you know? And that
in itself is a very special thing to share with someone you
love.
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