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Dear Leigh,
There are many responses that are bubbling to my brain as I read
your letter, but the one that is the most prominent is this fact
-- you are not ready for marriage and it is best not to go through
with it unless and until:
- You figure out a few things
- Let some time go by
- Have more personal experiences
- Allow yourself to mature and grow
- Learn to reprioritize when it comes to lust, love, marriage,
soul-mates, and happiness.
You Don't Have To Get Married
I don't say this with any harsh feelings. You are young and are
quite normal to have the urges you are having right now. Can you
love someone and not be ready for marriage? Yes. Can you be connected
to someone in a profound way, know that you want to spend your life
with them, but not be ready to make a legal and physical commitment
to them? Absolutely. Do you fall into both of these categories?
No doubt.
To marry now would be a mistake. Take it from a female who has
been 20. Very few 20-year-olds are ready to make the commitment
you are considering.
Lust Is A Big Red Flag
Lust and feelings of sexual attraction for another do not necessarily
mean that you don't love your boyfriend (fiance, soul-mate, etc.).
However, it is a red flag (and a big one) that you need to slow
down and have some experiences and do some soul searching before
you tie yourself to one person for the rest of your life.
A large percentage of marriages that take place when the people
are in their early twenties do not last. That's a known fact. Don't
be one of those statistics. Be smart. Learn to communicate now,
learn to make some good sound decisions, and don't rush to the alter.
If you do, we will all hear the sound of hearts breaking in a very
short while. That is not a pleasant sound.
Talk To Him
It might be a good time to have a talk with your honey and assure
him that your love and feelings for him have not changed, but that
you are not ready or interested in walking down the aisle right
now. You need more time, and this doesn't mean you don't care about
him or that he doesn't mean the world to you. Be smart. You sound
as if you are.
Keep us posted on how things work out. Deal? I'm rootin' for you
both.
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