Dear Leigh,

I'm a big believer in the proposition that everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion. Therefore, I generally approach the answers I write for Love & Learn as mere suggestions that readers can take or leave.

But not this time. I was in a position almost exactly like yours a few years ago; I made a massive mistake, and I paid for it dearly. No, this response contains no opinion, because there is a 100% right answer to this situation, and so I beg you to listen and listen closely.

A Case Of "The Grass Is Greener"

This is a classic case of "the grass is greener," a struggle between the comforts of familiar love and the excitement generated by the prospect of new and improved love.

It's a shockingly common sentiment among young people in love, one that, to my discredit, I once shared. As you may have read in my bio, I was in a perfect relationship. I was in love and on top of the world. My girlfriend was an ideal woman: a warm person, a caring partner, a tender lover, and a tremendous friend.

I loved her more than anything, but I was young. It was my first time at love, and without a frame of reference, I didn't realize how lucky I was to get it absolutely right the first time.

You WERE too young. 20-year-olds don't know what love is.

I, like you, wasn't sure about marriage, because I feared I was too young and naive to even consider it.

I, like you, started to feel the fizzle fade from our sex life. I, like you, looked at the world outside our relationship and was excited by myriad possibilities.

Ending It With My Soul Mate Was A Huge Mistake

I made the same choice, but I'm glad I did.

I chose option one: I broke it off with her. And do you know what? It was the biggest mistake I have ever made. It was a move which has brought me nothing but pain. It is a choice that I regret daily, every time reality taps me on the shoulder and reminds me that all those "other" options don't seem half as good in real life as they did in the picture on the menu.

This Is A Once In A Lifetime Love

Look, you have found a soul mate, someone who you love dearly and who deeply loves you. Despite the fact that such relationships are commonplace in books and movies, the reality is that that kind of relationship is extraordinarily rare, less than once-in-a-lifetime.

Consider yourself lucky you were able to find a soul mate so young... some people live until they're 100 and never find something like you have, and like what I once had. Consider yourself warned that it isn't likely that you'll find something like this again.

So, you worry that the sex is becoming uninteresting? Are you longing for the days when you first started becoming intimate with each other, when each encounter was an exciting lesson filled with sensual discovery? Think that if you satisfy your lust for something new you will be happier?

Well, think of this: let's say you follow your lust... sure, it'd be exciting, but guess what? That sex will get stale and unexciting, too. I've had a lot better sex since my breakup than I ever did with my ex-girlfriend. But I'd gladly trade a lifetime of great lustful sex for one night of run-of-the-mill sex with my soul mate.

Lusting Doesn't Mean You're Not Ready To Commit

Does your wandering mind mean that you're not ready for commitment? I don't think so. The human mind is prone to flights of fancy. You can see evidence of this each time you go to a restaurant. You select your meal, but you still eyeball other people's dishes as they are delivered to the table, and you think: "I wonder if I should have had that instead." That sort of thought doesn't mean that you're any less ready for the meal you committed to... you're just indulging your natural human curiosity. That curiosity will never fade, whether it be with meals or with love.

Stay With Your Fiance

Take it from me. Stick with your fiance, because love like yours is rare. Don't cheat on him, because that would be just as bad as--if not worse than- breaking up with him. Accept your thoughts as a natural part of commitment, and seek the novelty you desire in the familiarity of your fiance. There's always a way to keep old love new... it just takes some creativity.

Alfred Lord Tennyson once said, "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." Sounds like a nice consolation, but it is faux wisdom. Obviously, Tennyson had never truly loved and lost.

Please, heed my advice. Don't learn my painful lesson the hard way. Best wishes for a happy future.

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