Reader Bella responds:
I agree that attempting to FORCE a person to do (or not
do) something is almost always counterproductive.
Winnable Ultimatum
However, there IS a "winnable" ultimatum –
the one that two people work out together.
As in "I need for us to be monagamous. Do you see
that happening, and if so, under what circumstances?"
To which the partner has the opportunity to frame the requisites
for change. As in "I don't feel ready, I really enjoy
getting to know new people. I don't envision being monagamous
with you unless I date everyone else in Minnesota and decide
you're the best there is."
Providing a Timeline
This provides the platform for a timeline: "So, there's
1.2 million datable women in Minnesota. You think you can
have dated them all and have your decision back to me by
my next birthday?"
– Bella
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