Mr. Sensitive said:

There is nothing wrong with ultimatums, as long as you don't tell the other person that you have made one. In other words, you can give yourself a deadline: "If things do not change by summer, I am out of here."

A Reader responds:

I agree because I think this is the appropriate ultimatum.

The situations where an ultimatum is necessary are usually ones where the change required is also fairly big. If it is big enough to end the relationship in case of no change, then one would have to qustion their choice of partner.

Changes don't just happen overnight, and when they are made for another person they are usually temporary and hard to maintain. The ultimatum would be to see whether the situation requiring change is caused by temporary factors or is caused by the other person's being who they are.

So the ultimatum is basically for oneself.

– Twilight

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