Snappy Answers April 17, 2001

April 17, 2001: Here are 40 short answers to 15 of the questions that we found in our mail box.

For more serious answers, please click on any of the other questions on the main page.

Dear Panel, Why do men say they need space? – Deniese Female, age 19, USA
	Because they do.
	Because they don't like you. At all.
	Some men don't know how they feel about something and they need time alone to think about it.
	Because we want at least half the bed for sleeping.
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Dear Panel, Me and my boyfriend met in a chat room and have been dating for 4 months now. We are from the same state but I had to go out of state because my parents had to leave for business purposes, so I just left to stay with my uncle until my parents get back. Anyway, now after 4 long months of waiting, my Mom finally decided that I can go back but just for a while – just 10 days. So far so good but the problem is that I'm going to be staying with my aunt and she is very strict she doesn't like me around boys at all so it would be very hard for me to go out and see him. I really don't know what to do. We both waited for so long and it just hurts me a lot that I might not even get to see him at all during the time I go home back to NYC. I just need advice on what I can do to let me go out and just see him at least for just 2 hours. That would be enough for me as long as I get to see him. I don't care in how much trouble I will get. So please help me. Do you have any suggestions on what I could do to get out of the house? Please, it's very important for me. I don't know how I would feel if I would not see him. I'm already depressed over this whole situation. I cant spend a day without thinking about him and how I'm going to see him. So please help me. – Sexynrich Female, Age 16, USA
	If your mom allows you to see boys, talk to her, explain what you want, and have her talk to your aunt.
	Invite your aunt out on a date to the zoo with the chat boy.
	Tell your aunt that you're going out with girlfriends. Good luck!
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Dear Panel, How do I get my ex boyfriend to give us another chance? He does want to be together but he says we fight a lot! But I think together we can work things out! – Dianne Female, age 19, Puerto Rico
	Show him all the happy couples you know who also fight a lot!
	You listen to too many NSync ballads. Listen to your ex boyfriend instead.
	It takes two to make a relationship. What part of "ex" don't you understand?
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Dear Panel,

How do you know if a boy likes you and wants to go with you? How do you know if he's still interested in his ex-girlfriend?

I ask him what's up with me and him. He said he don't know.

What should I do?

– ZEMETRA WILLIAMS

Female, age 16, USA

Keep on asking other boys until one of them knows.

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Dear Panel,

I am a 16-year-old sophomore in high school. I currently work at a McDonalds about 5 miles from my house so I happen to go there a lot, even when I'm not working, just to see friends or whatever.

Sweety is a co-worker of mine at McDonalds. He's 16 (almost 17) April 1. He's dropped out of school but is planning to go back next year.

Then there's my ex. He broke up with me a couple months ago after a year and a half relationship. I thought he was over me, but now I'm not so sure. He says we're just good friends, but he throws it in my face – he has a date for prom. Plus last night he dragged me out on the dance floor of a local club for a slow dance. I admit I'm not completely over him either.

Well, all 3 of us went to a party a couple weeks ago where there was a lot of alcohol. I got there really early so I was drunk before the real party even started. My ex told me the next day that I was hanging all over Sweety right in front of him. I tried to explain that I would never hurt him like that and that I was drunk. He was like, "Whatever."

Well, it also happened. I slept with Sweety at the party, and there was protection, I was told. So I hurt my ex pretty bad because Sweety told him we slept together.

Again, all 3 of us work at McDonalds.

But when I slept with Sweety, I barely remember it because I was drunk; he wasn't. This is off the subject, but is that considered rape? Anyways my ex is upset I think because the whole time we went out we never had sex because I took my virginity serious. And then I go and lose it because I was drunk.

A week later, we go to another party, but this time my ex is wasted and I remain sober. He tells me he left me only because he was confused and some other stuff. I've also been hearing that Sweety likes me but yesterday some other friends and us went out of town but he barely talked to me. Then last night my cousin asked him if he liked me and he just looked at me and smiled, but didn't say anything.

Does Sweety like me? And what does my ex think?

– Confused 9909

Female, age 16, USA

Don't drink.
Make some new friends at Burger King.

You have a severe attitude problem. Get a life, Jayne.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the future of America.

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Dear Panel, I am Nicole, the best friend of the girl in the story and a really good friend of the guy. Girl: Meagan, would give anything for love, love rules all in her life. Guy: Corey, had ADHD sweet, but, can't handle temptation. OK, Meagan and Corey (we are all 16) have been dating for 17 months on and off and she lost her virginity to him. She is a Christian and he belives in God, but neither of them are real religious. Anyhow, they were in love – it wasn't just a high school thing, it was real – but her parents didn't want them together and they broke up and then they didn't talk for 3 months and they got back together behind her parents' back and went out for a month like that before she got caught (and I was caught with her because we skipped school to go over to his house and we got suspended). Now, me and him are really good friends. i mean, I've only known him for a month but, we hit it off amazing. Me and her have known each other 6 months and you could swear it's like were joined at the hip. Right now Meagan is the only one i can trust out of everyone i know and vice versa. Just tonight though, Corey (he has a record of cheating on her) met a new girl and he likes her and he doesn't know what he wants now. After just telling Meagan last night that he thinks she's the one and he wants to have kids with her and get married. I mean, it's like all he wanted was to get her into bed, and he did. Now, they're breaking up because, he's stupid and can't handle the temptation of another girl. He told her he doesn't know what he wants and this was all after her parents told them they will do everything to break them up. He got all depressed and this is what happened. Help! That's not even half the story but, I don't know what else to say. What advice do i give them? – Nicole Glass Female, age 16, Minnesota
	Honey, no advice is necessary. They're young, not pregnant, and broken-up. That's where they should be.
	Tell her that boys are like buses: another one will be by soon.
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Dear Panel, I've got a good one for you: I'm interested in two guys, and they're both married. They're also both good friends of mine. One of them happens to be my boss. The other is a co-worker who has children. I know better than to pursue a relationship with either of them, but I genuinely ache for them. Moreso for my boss, who I'm actually in love with. I really only have a "thing" for the other guy. Is there any way I can ease this ache, without losing the friendships? Also, I think the co-worker (the one I only have a thing for) may like me too. Is there any way I can find out for sure? Is it even worth finding out? – Torn & Twisted Female, age 18, from " the dry part"
	Where do you work?!? TEMPTATION ISLAND?!?
	Find a new ache, e.g.: Hit your hand with a hammer.
	If this is a "good one", what would be a bad one?
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Dear Panel, I really love my boyfriend. I know he loves me too, but he's not very romantic. Is it normal for the guy not to be overly affectionate, or romantic? Is there any way I can make him more romantic? – Blue Female, age 21, Canada
	No.
	Try liquor.
	Try doing romatic things yourself, and maybe they will rub off on him.
	It's normal for me, but then I'm not dating a 21 year-old.
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Dear Panel,

Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost a year. It's the first real relationship I've ever had. Unfortunately we have two different schedules. I work the normal 8 to 5. She works at night.

Right now I'm struggling with not being able to see her as much as I want. I hate complaining, because its her job. It's so difficult to get home from work and not be able to be with the one you love. I care for her so much but I'm scared I will drive her away. I just don't know how to deal with not being able to see her.

I've talked to her about it several times, but I don't see any change with our schedules in the near future. I wish I could make her understand how I feel.

– Hate Being Apart

Male, age 23, Wyoming

Hmmmm, try this one: arrange YOUR schedule to match HERS.

You've still got the weekends – relax and enjoy them!

Sleep deprivation...love...sleep deprivation...love.... How can you tell the difference?

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Dear Panel,

I am a 36 year old woman. I have been married for 13 yrs and have 2 children. I love my husband and see myself married to him for the rest of my life.

My problem is that I am pursuing another man and I do not know why. He is a co-worker. I am happy when he pays attention to me and wants to be with me. We go out to lunch or meet after work occasionally. And I am sad when he seems to ignore me. I am not having sex with him, although we talk and talk and talk and "make-out" sometimes.

I am intelligent and in a professional position and cannot figure out why I feel and act like such a school girl. My emotions are on a roller coaster ride. What is wrong with me??

– Missy

Female, age 36, Southern California

Nothing's wrong with you that some will power and a good therapist can't cure.

You crave attention and the flattery of being desired. Happens to lots of women, especially moms. Talk to your husband about how to get it from HIM for the next 50 years or so.

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Dear Panel, I hope you will respond to my help for request. I am an active duty military member in the United States Air Force. Three years ago, I was stationed in Japan, and I met the most wonderful girl in the world - Aiko. We were magnetic. After about a year of being two peas-in-a-pod, we decided to get engaged. One year ago, I was sent (here) to Texas. Aiko and I were physically separated, but remained engaged. We talked on the phone every day ($$$) and frequently exchanged long love letters. In November, I made a one-month trip to reaffirm our relationship. Last week, she cheated. She said that she never wants to talk to me again, but I have been able to get her to agree to remain my best friend. We've had some long talks the past few days. I've got some male competition, and I want (need) to win her over. I'm six thousand miles away from her, and he's in her bed. Whatever can I do? – Shocked and Sincere Male, age 22, USA
	Not a damn thing.
	Concentrate on not crashing the planes you fly, and thank you for serving our country. Oh, and Aiko? Accept that you've been replaced, and move on.
	She may be the most wonderful girl in the world, and probably the best one in Japan, but she's NOT the best one in Texas. Find another.
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Dear Panel,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 years. We're in love and very much enjoy each other.

The problem is: I'm planning to start law school this Fall and I don't know where I'll end up. He's considering a Ph.D. but both of our plans are so up in the air, I feel at a loss as to what's going to happen with us.

How should we approach this?

– Go the Distance

Female, age 23, USA

One day at a time.

Doesn't grad school involve RESEARCH and PLANNING?

Dr. Sensitive says: Excuse me?

A lawyer and a fake doctor: it's a match made in heaven.

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Dear Panel,

Me and my boyfriend are going out for three months, already working for our 4th.

– CInderella

Female, age 22, Canada

Congratulations.

And?

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Dear Panel,

I started college early this year. I have always thought that this guy in my Geography class is cute but never got the chance to talk to him until my teacher assigned us to be in the same group until the end of the semester. That was when I got to know him.

We got along pretty well and he sometimes shows interest in me. I mean, he would hold my hands and he once kissed it. He also told me that he would like to kiss me. Sometimes, he would ring me up to go for lunch with him. He also did ask me out for a date to the mall. Yep, he said it – a date.

I don't know what this means, but my friends say he MIGHT be interested.

Unfortunately, he so seldom calls me to chat. Probably only once or twice. He also never compliments on me (he only complimented that I have nice pink lips, that's all). But he always compliments the other girl in our group, but never treats her the way he treats me.

Does this mean that he isn't interested at all and was only flirting?

Do all guys call if they are interested?

I am beginning to really like him. He's driving me crazy. Please help.

– Ms Sunshine

Female, age 18, Sydney, Australia

Ask him if pink lips are good.

Guys generally call if they're interested. Unless they're shy or confused. Have you let him know you like him?

You obsessive types always attract the passive-aggressive jerks.

Generally, when a guy says he wants to kiss you and asks you out, he likes you!

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