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Dear Panel, I am a Baptist minister's son and I
have lately been wondering if it is truly a sin to have pre-marital
sex, or is it just not "PC"? I know and believe that being promiscuous is a sin, but in a commited relationship, is it wrong? – Nathan N. Male, age 18, San Antonio, TX, USA |
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I don't think so. |
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Think of the consequences, first. |
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I don't see nothin' wrong with a little (committed) bump and grind. |
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Obviously, the counselling hasn't worked – so just do it. |
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It's a sin if you believe it's a sin. |
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In your world, it is a sin. (Fortunately in mine, it is not.) |
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Dear Panel, OK, here goes: I used to work out in a gym in the early morning. I met a very pretty lady there, but I adhere to a hard and fast rule:
Anyway, ran into to her in the course of doing business, warm smiles etc. Sent her some flowers with an invitation to dinner. Was that bad form? – Terry Male, age 48, USA |
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Hey – they're your rules! Do you feel bad breaking them? Because it sounds quite nice and lovely to me. |
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Not if you actually ever want to date anyone, ever. How many women do you meet in your house and car, anyway? |
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Dear Panel, I think my fiancé is cheating on me. He denies it, but everytime we get in a fight he leaves for 2 or 3 days and gives me lame excuses about where he was. How can I catch him??? This is driving me crazy. I have to
know the truth! – Waiting Your Reply Female, age 32, North America
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I didn't quite catch WHY this guy is your fiancé. |
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Let's see, you want to catch him cheating... so you can break up with him? Why not save some time and just break up with him now?
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Even if he's bowling for two or three days, is that the kind of guy you want for your husband? |
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Must be nice to have a back-up chick every time things go sour. DIS-engage yourself; HE did. |
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You already know the truth – now break it off. |
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Dear Panel, I really like my best friend's ex boyfriend. She has a new guy, and I'm really good friends with her ex. Is it wrong to go after her ex? And how should I go about getting his attention? – JayJay Female, age 14, USA |
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I wouldn't say "wrong". I might say, "fraught with dangers and uncertainties".
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Seems like he's fair game. How to get his attention? If you're already good friends with him, it would seem like you already have his attention. How hard can this be?
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Ask your friend before you make any moves. |
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Also see: "Can I date my best friend's ex if they still have sex?" |
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Dear Panel, I met this girl over the weekend while on a trip, we exchanged numbers and now she has called 6 or 7 times. She lives 1400 miles away. Can you give me a little insight into what she is thinking? – Dumb founded Male, The real world |
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"Hmmm, I wonder what that guy I met over the weekend is doing? I think I'll call him."
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She's thinking she really, really likes or maybe loves you. And she wishes you weren't so far away (but really, she feels safer knowing that you're so far away and she may never have to try to have an actual relationship with you). Enjoy being someone's fantasy? Keep talking to her.
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Dear Panel, Is it possible to fall in love with a guy you have talked to over the phone for more than half a year, but never met in person? – CuriousFemale, age 21, California |
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Nope.
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Yes, but you're falling in love with a fantasy, not a real person.
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Dear Panel, I'm the one who calls him all the time, and I want it to stop -- he must call me as well. What do I do? Sit and wait for his calls, or what? – Worried S.A Female, age 24, South Africa |
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That's a good plan; just add in chocolate ice cream and time spent phoning other guys.
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A rule that I have fast figured out: When you BOTH exchange numbers, you BOTH sit and wait for the other person to call...and then no one calls. Either give him your number OR take HIS, but don't do both. Then the responsibility is obvious. |
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Dear Panel, I have been dating a 35 year old bachelor for 9 weeks. When he is with me he is very affectionate, but when he's not, sometimes he doesn't even call me. He says we are exclusive to each other and he has no desire to see anyone else, but he gets too involved in his work and forgets all about me and loses track of time. How can I change this situation? – Feeling Neglected Female, age 38, USA
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Which part do you want to change? |
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Change the man, change the situation.
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Dear Panel, I met a really nice guy when I spent a weekend at my father's house, and I've called him a few times on the phone. My question is because I'm older am I supposed to
ask him out, or because he's the guy, is he supposed to ask me out? – Gggrrr_chic_2005 Female, age 14, United States |
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If it were up to me, girls would always do the calling. |
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If you like him why don't you just ask him out? Jeez... |
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Ask him out!!! It doesn't matter who asks who out. Make it work! |
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Dear Panel, I joined a dating service about two months ago. I've been on about twelve dates. Only two of them were total wipeouts. The rest asked for my phone number, gave me theirs, and/or said they'd like to get together again. No second dates yet; not even a phone call! What am I doing wrong? Are they just not "that" interested, once they think about it? – What's up? Female, age 32, New York |
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Saying that they'd like to get together again sounds pretty good to me. Why don't you call them and get together again?
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Dear Panel, Why don't men and women like "nice" people as a potential love interest? Example, "You are a really nice person, but..." – Chipzey Female, age 20, USA |
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Because there's a whole lot more to love than "nice". |
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"Nice" is a code word. If someone tells you that you are "nice", you are either ugly or have a horrible personality, and that is the nicest way of saying, "Adios". |
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People like to be treated badly. |
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Dear Panel, I've recently suffered a great loss in my life. She's found somebody new (my best friend), and I'm still alone, though people tell me I'm good looking and I'm a really nice guy. I've done a lot to improve my self esteem and self confidence, and now that I have that, no one seems to want me. Why? – Zero the Hero Male, United States (GA) |
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Why would someone want anyone who sounds so down on himself? You say you've improved your self esteem, but I'm not convinced.
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Dear Panel, I have a question for all of you: Is there a time when you have to come and say you are in a relationship or not? Here's the story: I have been talking to a girl and walking around with a girl on campus a lot, and my friends stare, like "Who is she??" I have been hanging out or doing things with this
girl on campus, last weekend I asked her to go to a friend's birthday
party of mine, I sat next to her and intoduced her to my friends,
then one of my friends came up to us and ask if we were dating. Now me and her never said we were dating; we have
not gone off campus to do anything as of yet. We hung out that night
after the party in my dorm playing pool and ping pong with another
friend of mine. I did not want to embarass her at the party and say
we were dating. We IM each other a lot. She does go to my campus,
I hung out in her room last night and sit next to her, she seem to
enjoy talking to me and I am working alone tonight at my job and she
said she would IM me. Yes I do like her, but it is going well, I know her birthday too, I've been hanging with her for two months, again since I have limited experience with girls, it freaks my friends when they see me with a girl and especially with her. Should I talk to her about that??? What do you think? Love to hear from all you. – Darren Male, age 20, USA |
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Talk to her to define your relationship. FYI: From personal experience, your attempt to not embarrass her comes off as your own embarrassment and has probably hurt her feelings a bit. |
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It sounds like you two like each other. Try holding her hand or something small and see how she reacts. |
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Dear Panel, There is a girl whom I recently became friends with. I am really into her and would like to start dating her, I'm crazy about her. My question is how do I come up with striking converstation in order to intrigue her? Because sometimes when we are in the car together or just hanging out, silence fills the room. I want to make her laugh and just genuinely say the right things. Sometimes I just freeze up, you know. Any advice??? – R. Male, age 15, Europe |
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If you're in a car together and hanging out together, it probably already means that she likes you. |
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Read the newspaper and talk about what you've read. For example: "Say, who do you think really shot the Nepalese royal family?" It's a winning strategy. |
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Dear Panel, Why won't my boyfriend communicate with me when I ask him to let me know what he wants our relationship to become? – Anonymous Female, age 59, USA |
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I think it works better when you tell him what you want him to say. |
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My understanding is that guys are more often concerned about next weekend rather than the rest of their lives. Just enjoy your relationship as it is RIGHT now and let the rest develop. |
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Dear Panel, I've been in a relationship for over 5 years, since high school. My girlfriend and I now attend different colleges about 180 miles apart. Being away from home opened my eyes to many new things, and I'm questioning my current relationship? I've never dated anyone else before, and I am curious about "what else is out there?" I'm also afraid of losing my current relationship as I may not like what others are like? How do I tell if my current girlfriend is "the one"? – Ryan Male, age 21, Wisconsin, USA |
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How do you keep your cake after you've eaten it? |
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First of all, quit making statements into questions? Then, tell your girlfriend you think you should both date others. Then do it. |
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If you are asking, then she's not! |
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Dear Panel, My boyfriend and I have been dating for two and a half years. We moved in together about a year ago after college. We have the best relationship. We are each other's best friend and openly communicate our feelings at all times. We are financially stable. We have talked about marriage and he says that we wants to wait, even though he knows that he wants to be with me forever. We both know that marriage won't change our relationship. So, why should we wait? – Wait or Not Female, age 22, USA |
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Um...maybe marriage WILL change your relationship. |
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Because however perfect your relationship is, you're still pretty young, and why not wait a bit? |
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If marriage won't change it, what's the point of getting married? |
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Dear Panel, How do you say sorry after saying a joke that got her hurt? – Sorry Male, age 18, USA |
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How about, "My bad"? |
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Depends if you broke her arm, or her heart. |
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Just say it! |
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Dear Panel, I am a 16-year old girl about to graduate from high school. I have been corresponding with Rob, a 20-year-old first year university student who lives in Britain, for nearly two years. We met through my web page and have exchanged email as well as snail mail. We have never spoken in real time or met in person. I really like Rob a lot. We have a lot in common and are both poets. The problem is that he takes a really long time answering his emails. Sometimes I don't hear from him for months. Also, I have suggested talking in real time with instant messenger and he doesn't respond. I don't want to break off contact with him. How can I get Rob to be more communicative? – Sarah Female, age 16, NJ |
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You can't change people. Deal with him the way he is, or get over him. Your call. |
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You're wasting your time. Find another poet. |
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Dear Panel, Why am I falling for my bestfriend? I'm a girl, and so is she. Am I gay? – Leslie R. Female, age 16, NY |
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If you're attracted to your female best friend, then you're at least bisexual. |
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Given the itty-bitty, teeny-weeny, ultramicroscopic bit of data to work on, I'd say either you're either gay or bi. |
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Maybe. |
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Dear Panel, I used to work with a guy for about a year, whom I haven't seen for 5 months now. We used to flirt a lot, he really was lovely, he admitted that he would love to date me, but has a girlfriend. Its my birthday soon, a friend of both of us said he is going to be there. Apparently he is looking forward to seeing me again -- she said that he misses me. I really miss him, too. I keep telling myself it was just a crush, but we used to talk all the time and make each other laugh. I keep hoping that I will bump into him, or something, ANYTHING just to see him again. My friend said that its probably for the best that we don't see each other. He has told her he really likes me, too. It's not fair!!! – Jay Female, age 21, England |
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If someone told you life was fair, they were lying. |
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If he liked you THAT much, you'd know...He has a girlfriend! HELLO!!!!!!! |
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Move on! There are plenty of fish in the sea. |
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Dear Panel, I'm only 15, but I already had sex 5 times with 5 different boys. Last time he used a condom, but he broke. Now I'm pregnant. What should I do? – Please help me Female, age 21, Australia |
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The condom broke, or the boy? Don't sleep around, duh. |
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Talk to your parents, or someone who can help you. Like counselors or something. I'm sure there's something online that can help you find something in your area. |
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Dear Panel, What if you have sex with a girl that has shown you an ID that says she is of legal age and you have met her in a bar, can you still be charged with statutory rape? Seems to me the man would have to be a mind reader. Her ID got her into the bar, etc. Thanks. – Sky King Male, age 21, USA |
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Sorry, I'm not too good at these purely hypothetical questions. |
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If it ain't legal, don't touch it – be more careful! |
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If she is under the age of consent when you have sex with her, you can be charged with statutory rape, regardless of what her fake ID says. Your defense against the prosecution, however, depends on your state's laws and previous court decisions.
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Dear Panel, I am 19 years old. He is 24 and my brother's best friend. Well, I like my brother’s best friend a lot. He is very picky about the girls he likes. You know, they have to be skinny and very pretty. Well, he flirts with me quite a bit, and sometimes I feel he is interested, but because Im his best friend's sister, he won't do anything. Age really doesn't matter because my brother is seeing my friend who is also 19 and he is 25. I know that the guy I like used to think I thought he was cute, but I'm not so sure he still thinks so, and I know he doesn't have a clue that I really like him. How do I hint to him that I like him, or tell if he likes me? – Stuck Female, age 19, USA |
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Sit down and tell him that you would like to have more than a friendship, see if he feels the same way. If not – no biggie, there are a zillion fish in the sea. Keep Lookin'!
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This guy is just flirting with you because you are his friend's little sis. |
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Dear Panel, I am 17, and I have just met a 33 year old who, in my opinion, is perfect. Should I go for it? – Bittany Female, age 17, USA |
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Now, you know we're gonna say no, don't you? |
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If he was perfect, he wouldn't go for a 17 year old. |
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Wait till you're 18. |
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Dear Panel, How many men would really consider a long term relationship or marriage to someone infected with genital herpes? – Lost & unsure Female, age 27, Virginia, USA |
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How many do you need? |
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All the men who are already infected with genital herpes.
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According to stats I've read, one out of every six men already has herpes... (more...) |
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Sorry, that's the last question
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What do you think of these Snappy Answers? |
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Love & Learn: Relationship advice from a panel of non-experts.
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