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Dear Panel, If you have sex with a guy that you are not even going out with, but you still like him and he likes me to! Is that OK if we did?!! – Krystal Female, age 13, Raleigh |
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You're 13 – you shouldn't be having sex at all! |
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You're 13! You shouldn't even be thinking about that! NO. |
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Dear Panel, Is it OK to be really jealous, and how to I believe in myself? – Danny V. Male, age 22, Canada |
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Probably not, and tell yourself that you are very real. |
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Dear Panel, My boyfriend and I broke up one year ago, but I am still in love with him very much. He and I decided to stay friends after we broke up. We were constantly keeping in touch in mail and phone over the past year. At first, he was really nice to me. Now that he is dating again, our situation became really bad. The worst thing that happened was that one of my co-workers (who knows the story between me and him) actually broke into his e-mail and sent a message, which was really bad, to his current date. I did not know of the instance until my ex called me that his email account was hacked. I tried to explain to him that I had no knowledge of the instance. He does not believe me, which really, I don't know... Over the phone, he said that he won't be friends with me anymore. I feel so sad for the past months. I don't know what to do. Should I stay away from him forever? But he is a really nice guy. I really want to work out one day that we can just be friends. I want to call him, but don't know if it is the right thing to do anymore. Do you think it is possible that if we meet up and have a talk in person, it will help? I really want to just be friends with him. It's been 2 months since the instance. I am troubled. – Vicky Female, age 25, New York
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You know, even I don't believe that your co-worker hacked into his email on her own. How would she know how to, unless you gave her the passwords?
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He won't believe you, and is seeing someone else. Move on! |
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Dear Panel, This is the third time this has happened! I like a guy, I find out he likes me back, and I get really excited and when we meet or go out, the feeling kind of goes away and I get scared. Then the guy just makes me annoyed, even though he's not annoying. Why? What does this mean? – Marie Female, age 18, Canada |
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Does "fear of relationship" mean anything to you? |
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Hope you like cats. |
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You are either a nut job, or haven't found the right guy yet! |
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Dear Panel, I have been in love with one of my friends since 2 years ago. He's cute, and he was dumped by my 2 best friends. I felt terrible 'cuz I love him more than anything in the world. I want to start a relationship with him, it's just that I'm afraid he'd say "no". Can you help me?? – Dana Female, age 14, Mexico |
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Talk to him about it, tell him how you feel. |
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Get your 2 best friends to ask him for you. |
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Dear Panel, I am AV. I am studying in college. I am deeply, truly, madly in love with one of my very close friends! She is D. She is also in college. We met through a common friend and got along pretty nicely. She is very cute! There are a few guys who have also proposed to her, but she said "no"! And she tells me she doesn't love them! Initially it was very exciting –
we used to talk on the phone every day. We used to meet everyday and
we used to e-mail each other every day. She did not say no straight away! But said she "did not think so" at present, and that I was her good friend! She said that she didn't know about the future. Our friendship was affected! I was
really really disappointed as I don't know why I always felt that
she loved me and I could see it in her eyes! I was disappointed by
her reply! She is possessive about me and she
wants me to love her, but even I want that she Until when should I wait? I can't think
of anyone else in my life! It has been about nine months since I proposed
to her. We still get along pretty well, but I want her to be my girlfriend,
not just my friend! What do I do now? – AK Male, age 21, India
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I think it's a matter of control, and she has it. Think about that over some chocolate ice cream.
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Dear Panel, I told my really great boyfriend that I think I'm falling in love with him and he said that he really likes me, but he doesn't know if that's what he's feeling, What should I do? – Adrienne C. Female, age 16, USA |
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At age 16, I'd settle for him really liking you. |
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Dear Panel, I'm currently a student at a university, and I'm taking this seminar, which is being taught by a student earning his doctorate (about eight years older). Since there is no chance that he would be my teacher again, do you have any advice on getting to know him better? I'd like to keep in contact after the class ends. Do you think there's any way we can be friends? Would it be inappropriate to drop in to say "hi"? He is young and seems as laid-back as the students. Thanks. – Stricken Female, age 18, New York
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I guess there's nothing wrong with dropping by to say "hi". |
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Be friends – don't cross "friends" line until after the seminar. |
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Dear Panel, My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. About 3 years ago we were out to dinner for the first time in a few months. He had 2 jobs and besides sleeping and eating at home, we had maybe 5 hours a week together to talk. Anyway, a pretty woman caught his eye. I tried to ignore it, but after we returned home, it blew up into a fight. After a few days we talked about it and I explained to him that he has 14 hours a day away from home to ogle. I would appreciate that when we are together so few hours a week, I would expect his full attention. He agreed that it made sense. But since that talk, it has become so obvious to me that he has taken that knowledge and now uses it against me to deliberately hurt me when we are out together. He tries to make the situation look completely innocent. No, I am not imagining things – I have studied his behavior to MAKE SURE that I am right! I have tried to pretend like I don't notice because it is the reaction that he wants. Psych 101 says to not give a reaction, and it will stop. That is difficult to do when he just tries even harder. This Sunday is our 10th Anniversary, and we were going to go to dinner. I have decided to cook at home as I am afraid it is a setup. He knows that the worst, most hurtful time he could do this, would be this very day! What does this say about how he feels about me? What does this say about me for staying in this hurtful relationship, besides being in love? Please help. – Angie Female, age 36, USA |
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You should be worried about plenty more important things than him ogling. Like spending more than 5 hours a week with him.
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It says several things:
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If he is KNOWINGLY (from his perspective, not yours) doing something to hurt you, then you are being emotionally abused. You need marriage counseling either way. |
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What does Psych 101 say about working your husband to death? |
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Dear Panel, I am a 18 year old male and because of that, my eyes have been opened to the idea of "random-sex". I am no longer jailbait, and being that I was blessed with decent appearance, dating older females is not a problem. So, my question is this: – Nathan N. Male, age 18, San Antonio, TX, USA |
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Do the words "meaningful relationship" mean anything to you? |
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Dear Panel, What does statutory rape mean? What age does it concern in Hawaii? What if those couple is caught together? – Angel Gurl Female, age 14, Hawaii |
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If this question is more than hypothetical, you should be talking to more than Love & Learn.
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If you're BOTH 14, it's not statutory rape; it's just stupid. If a couple is caught having sex, it could be embarrassing to everyone involved.
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Dear Panel, How do I get a older boyfriend that I like a lot and find him great to have? – Hawaiianchick Female, age 14, Hawaii |
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Start with a boyfriend your same age, and experience life with him. |
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Aren't you the one who asked about statutory rape? Please, don't go trying to get an older boyfriend using sex. You don't know what you're doing. |
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Dear Panel, I am seeing a married man, who has a kid, and he is is the process of getting separated. But my parent/family don't know about him, as they are pretty old fashioned when it comes to this. I am 22 and he is 33. Do you think I am making a mistake, or should I for once keep myself happy instead of everyone else? – Bobsy Female, age 22, Ireland |
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You should for once keep yourself happy instead of everyone else. But this isn't the way to do it. |
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What goes around comes around, Bobsy. Obviously, your family has taught you better than to be dating a married man in the first place. But since you're already in this mess, I think you should cut it off until he's actually divorced. I don't think the age is an issue, but beware – he may trade you in for a newer model in a few years. |
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Dear Panel, I'm in a relationship right now and I'm a very paranoid person. I'm a very deep thinker of things that happen in my relationship. How can I help prevent my problem? Also, for the last 2 months, it seems to me that things aren't what they used to be. Does this mean she wants to break up, or that I'm paranoid? There are other things that go on between me and my girlfriend that cause me to wonder. Right now I'm just going with the flow, bottling up these paranoid feelings I'm having. How can I tell if she really loves me? I would appreciate any of your thoughts. Thanks. – Mike Male, age 17, North America |
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The truth about life is that things are never what they used to be, and yes, you are paranoid. Get over it. |
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Just because you are paranoid, doesn't mean she isn't about to break up with you. |
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Dear Panel, I am Stacey, and my boyfriend's name is Mark. We had been together for about a year and a half, and we've lived together for the past year. I have never been married or had children, both of which I want. He on the other hand has been married and has 2 children. His ex-wife cheated on him for the last 2 years of their marriage and he says he'll never marry again. He used to hold things that she did to him against me but we have talked about that and sorted through it and he longer does that. His response of "Never" getting married again has changed to "We'll have to see how things go". I'm 25 and he's 33. I would like to do these things before I'm 30 (be married and have a child). How can I get him to stop being afraid that I will do the things she did, and get him to propose? – Stacey Female, age 25, USA |
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You can't. If marriage and kids matter more to you than he does, give him a deadline and be prepared to leave him if he can't meet it. |
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Why don't you just get someone who isn't damaged goods? |
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Find someone who's not afraid, and doesn't hold you accountable for past happenings not involving you. |
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Dear Panel, My boyfriend has a habit of forgetting to wear his seatbelt and driving too fast. This worries me, and I remind him gently about his seatbelt and let him know I care about him and worry about his safety. He knows he shouldn't speed, but he does when I'm not in the car. I think his actions are linked to his low self-esteem. Is it fair to expect someone to change their unsafe habits if they worry you (i.e. before entering into a lifelong commitment)? Or should you abandon the cause and find someone whose life is more together? I'd feel terrible giving up on my boyfriend because his life isn't perfect, but I also don't want to get hurt myself. What do you think? – Jenna Female, age 20, Eastern USA |
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It depends. If the worst thing about him is his driving, you insist on driving when you're together and consider yourself lucky to have found the (almost) perfect man. But if his life isn't together, you've got way bigger issues than seatbelts.
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In the way of things, seat belts are fairly trivial, and nagging can be major. See if you can find a balance. |
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Keep the boyfriend, but don't get in the car with him. |
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Dear Panel, Me and this boy have been seeing each other off and on 8 months. Then we had trouble and didn't talk
for 4 months. Then we hung out and we have been good. One day he tells
me he likes me, and 2 days later he tells me he doesn't care about
me. Please help! – HURT Female, age 16, USA |
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Call it off and find someone steady. |
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Dear Panel, In August, it will be three years for me and my boyfriend. We lived together the first year and he cheated on me. We were apart for about 3 months and worked it out. He treats me good and we get along very well, but he has done a few other things such as called ex's and I have found out. Now I am working on the trust issues with him, but the real problem is, he does not include me in the long picture. He has never came out and said he doesn't, but he looks for houses and has said he does not plan to have me living there with him. For the past two years we have been staying together but keeping our own places. I know he cares and says he loves me after I say it first. But does this man not really want me in his life for good if he can't see me in his future after three years? He has been married and says he doesn't want to make another mistake with getting married again. I do not know if I am waiting around for nothing or if I should move on. – Should I Stay Or Should I Go Female, age 33, West |
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If you trusted him and believed him, you would know that you are waiting around for nothing. Move on.
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Dear Panel, I am really loose. – Loalo Female, USA
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So? |
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Sorry, that's the last question
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What do you think of these Snappy Answers? |
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Love & Learn: Relationship advice from a panel of non-experts.
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