Snappy Answers September 5, 2001

Dear Panel,

I like this guy. He just broke up with his girlfriend for me, but he wanted to mess around with me when they were together.

What should I do?

– Val#4

Female, age 18, USA

I'd think this guy is good messing around material but probably not good boyfriend material.

You remind me of the old joke: a man leaves his wife for his mistress, finally. When he asks to marry his mistress, she says "Are you crazy? I'd never marry a man who cheats on his wife."

Dear Panel,

How can you tell if a guy that you make out with really likes you, or is using you for sex and pleasure?

– Deena

Female, age 15, USA

You know he likes you when he wants to hang out with you, even if you don't make out.

You can assume that he is using you for sex and pleasure.

Dear Panel,

I am confused.

Yesterday, I was at my boyfriend's house and we went to the movies. We held hands (and stuff LOL) and now today he is like, blowin' me off.

I think it is 'cuz his friend is there at his house, but he really puts me down.

– Tina G.

Female, age 13, New York

Tell him to stop.

Dear Panel,

My boyfriend want me to kiss him.

The problem here that this will be my first kiss and I do not know how to kiss him.

– SSS

Female, age 19, Israel

Close your eyes, pucker your lips, let him take over.

19 and your first kiss? That's wierd.

Dear Panel,

I am a young woman with an extremely demanding career that takes up most of my time. As a result, I feel that the little free time I have should be devoted to my close friends and my family.

However, I'm concerned that by doing that, I might be closing myself off to a good romantic relationship – at this rate, I'll be an old woman before I get married!

Is there a way to find a better balance – to give time to the people who are important, but also be available to date?

– a Spinster in the making

Female, age 23, Midwestern USA

Yes, there's a much better way. Do what you think you should until age 30.

Then devote all waking hours to a romantic relationship before you're an older woman.

When someone comes your way who you can't get your mind or your heart off of, you will make the time. Your work may suffer a bit at first, but soon after a balance will be reached.

Dear Panel,

How can the merciful kind wife like me ..keeps her love with her husband?

– no signature

Female, age 24, Egypt

Huh?

Dear Panel,

i am 22 years old and my girlfriend is 17 we got kinda close and we mad love and i think she pregenet. i want to marrie her do i need her mom to say yes or can she charge me with Statutory rape

– Lisandrills

Male, age 22, New York City

Learn how to spell
Learn how to use contraception
Learn how to take responsibility for your actions.

You need only your girlfriend's consent to marry you. Having sex with a 17 year old is not statutory rape in the state of New York.

Read others' reactions

Dear Panel,

Me and my ex-fiancée had been dating for only 2 months before we got engaged, and short after found out we were going to be parents.

Almost immediatly after finding out the news, my ex changed, pushing me away. Last week we got into a little fight and she said we should separate. Since then she has told me we weren't gonna get back together, then last night we talked for three hours on the phone and she said we might get back together, but she doesn't know what she wants.

Being only 18, I'm sure she is confused, but I don't know what to do. I want to be with her and have a family. Can you help me?

– Confused in TX

Male, age 22, Texas

You're right. She's 18 and she's confused. Young girls tend to be fickle in that way.

I guess she doesn't want to grow up and have this family and this husband before she enjoys being a kid.

If you've made your interests clear and she insists upon stringing you along, forget it. No matter what happens, though, please continue to be a good father to your child.

Dear Panel,

Are you still considered jail bait once you turn 16?

– SW

Female, age 15, USA

It depends on who's trying to bait you.

Yes, if you live in Arizona, California, Colorado, Delaware, Florida, Idaho, Illinois, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, New Mexico, New York, North Dakota, Oregon, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, Washington, Wisconsin and Wyoming.

Dear Panel,

Is it legal for a 15 year old to date a 19 year old in New York or Minnesota if we DON'T have sex? But, is it legal for us to kiss?

– Young And In Love

Female, age 15, USA

Why is the 15 year old dating the 19 year old? Don't you have any other hobbies you can pursue instead?

Dear Panel,

My girlfriend of 5 months still talks with her ex boyfriend that treated her wrong.

Should I worry about a old spark lighting back up the fire, or just keep my mouth shut????????????

PLEASE HELP ME

– Iron Lung

Male, age 17, USA

I'd keep my mouth shut, but my eyes open.

Whatever happens will anyway. Why stress it?

Dear Panel,

I dated this guy for about three months and then he told me he loved me. It kind of freaked me out, never having been told that before, and I didn't respond, so we broke up.

Well, for the past year and a half, we've been together on and off. This time, we've managed to stay together for an astounding 6 months. The problem is, we can't admit, to others or ourselves, that we're together. For all practical purposes, we are. We go out together, we spend a lot of time with one another, and we're neither one seeing anyone else. It's like we're committed, but we don't want to admit it.

Are we both totally screwed up?

– Seeking A Shrink

Female, USA

Yes. Seek therapy.

But don't admit it to anyone but us.

Dear Panel,

What should I do if she says she "needs a break from me, but doesn't want to break up"?

Sincerely,

– Confused

Male, age 25, Texas

Use the time off to read lots of Love & Learn answers, and learn how we read between the lines.

Dear Panel,

I fell in love with an African-American. Everyone likes him except for my father.

He's everything and more. I sometimes think I would marry him in a couple of years. What can I do to satisfy my dad and my boyfriend? I don't want to loose my honey.

– Torn Young Professional

Female, age 23, USA

You shouldn't marry your father, even if he's everything and more.

Keep seeing your boyfriend, and hope that over time your dad will come to like him once he knows him and realizes how much you love him.

And if not, you'll have to choose your own happiness over pleasing your dad. It's your life, now.

Also see: "Should I contact her after 25 years?"
"Am I good enough for their son?"
"How do I avoid losing her?"

Dear Panel,

I have met a guy through the Internet.

We have been chatting a lot on the Internet for the last 3 months. And I love him very much. We will meet very soon.

And we have talked about having sex with each other on our first night. I am still a virgin (I am in my late twenties). What would you advise both of us, so that we can make this night very special?

– Mad In Love

Female, age 27, USA

It might make it more special if you could be sure he's a guy before you meet.

I would advise picking a different night than your first to be sexual with each other – or else you may find it special in a way you really regret later.

Do it blindfolded, or you run the risk of getting to know him.

Read others' reactions

Dear Panel,

I am in grad school with a girl who often disagrees with whatever I say in the classroom setting. If I speak up and say "Tax cuts for all are good", she'll raise her hand and say "There should only be tax cuts for the poor", and I feel like she sometimes does so only to spite me. It's very frustrating. :-)

Moreover, whenever she's around while I'm talking to our fellow classmates, if I look at her in the background, she almost always rolls her eyes as if to show disapproval of most everything I say.

Nevertheless, there seems to be this unspoken attraction between us – just something in the way she looks at me, and probably in the way I look at her.

Today, she whistled at me, albeit jokingly perhaps, when she saw me from her apartment as I walked across the parking lot. (We hadn't seen each other until today since school got out about a month ago.) What's going on here? Does she like me? :)

– HPS

Male, age 23, Virginia

She might like you, ask her. Some people do weird things when they like someone.

My usual answer to anyone under 15 is that she likes you if she punched you in the arm. Maybe that applies here, too.

Dear Panel,

I'm a teen and have never gone out with a guy before.

I was wondering what do you say on the phone when you call a guy?

Thanx!!

– Gurl611

Female, age 14, USA

Same thing you say when you call a girl:
"Hi. What's up?"

Dear Panel,

Should I go out with my best friend's ex first lover?

– Lizzy

Female, age 16, USA

Ask your best friend.

Also see: "Can I date my best friend's Ex if they still have sex?"
"Should I go out with my ex's best friend?"

Dear Panel,

Okay, I love this guy named Adam and he loves me, but I don't know how to break up with my other boyfriend.

– Kari

Female, age 14, USA

Tell him that you love Adam. That should be good for a start.

Dear Panel,

I am 18 years old and I live with my aunt and uncle I have 2 brothers and 1 sister.

I am going out with a 20 year old who sleeps around, is stuck up, lazy, and annoying.

And my ex who treated me like an angel wants me back. He is 18 and he is in college and he goes to church and he is has a great personality. I love him still.

I just don't know which way to go and how to tell one of them "no".

Who is the best for me?

– Kari

Female, age 18, USA

You're kidding, right?

Dear Panel,

I am a 18 year old female, and I have blond hair and green eyes. I am very outgoing and I love to see people happy.

He's a 20 year old man, who moved here from GA. He's only been here about 6 months. He left his family and friends as long with his old life behind. He also is a very outgoing person, who loves to see other people happy.

The Other People

• The girl he cheated on me with, a 16 year old, who had a boyfriend of 1-1/2 years.
-• My old roommate who wanted to kill him because the girl was her boyfriend's niece. She also went to his house and threatened him and had the cops called on her and made it where I can't go back over there.
• The 16 year old boyfriend who told me and my roommate about my boyfriend and his girlfriend.

How I Met Him

About 3 months ago, I was kicked out of my house. A few days after that I met the man that I think that I want to spend the rest of my life with. We started talking and getting to know each other better, and then got into a relationship. At the time of him and I, I was very scared and lonley. I was just kicked out of my house and had little to no contact with my family. Being alone and hating it, I clung to him as if I couldn't live without him.

This past Monday, he cheated on me. It was just a fooling around, but still it hurt. I stuck by his side that night after all the pain that he caused me and was there for him and wanted to stay with him and try to work things out. We stayed up until about 5 the next morning talking about us and then went back to his house and stayed the night.

The next day, he got his sister-in-law to break it off with me because of the things in our lives that our going on and the added drama from me, wasn't going to help him get his life back on track.

What should I do, drop him altogether? Or wait it out and see if I still want him after time off?

– Choley Chole24

Female, age 18, North Carolina

All this stuff makes my brain hurt. Here's what I get out of this:

You're a messed up woman with a messed up life. Some guy you think you love, but who you're really just clinging to because you're so needy, just dumped you. And you want to know if you should drop him? Too late! You've been dismissed.

Please, get help from someone stable. You really need some.

Dear Panel,

Where do women like to be touched?

– Dan

Male, age 25, NJ

In a jacuzzi in the Ritz Carlton in Hawaii.

IIf you're their boyfriend: just about anywhere.

We aren't all the same.

Dear Panel,

This guy is an absolute jerk, but I am so obsessed with him, the only times it's worth it is when I'm in bed with him. It's pretty mindblowing.

How do I walk away? I have already dated 2 other guys.

– I-in Dallas

Female, age 29, Texas

Wait for him to suck you souless until there's nothing left and then you'll have nothing to live for.

Have a nice day!

Put your clothes on and leave.

You need a battery-operated solution.