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Dear Panel, I am in a long-term relationship and want to end it. I'm only 20 and want to explore my options in the world. Does this make me a bad person? – REESE Male, age 20, ND |
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From who's perspective? |
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In my book, it makes you a smart person. Just be gentle. |
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No. It just makes you available. |
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Dear Panel, My boyfriend is really mean to me and he often just says it's because he says he's tired but does that mean that he can be mean to me?? And also everything he says seems like he is lying. What should I do??? – Confused And Needs Help Female, age 17, USA |
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Isn't it obvious? Dump him. |
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Ask yourself if you really enjoy being with a mean, lying guy. If the answer is no, dump him. If the answer is yes, get therapy. |
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Dear Panel, I'm Catholic and I have been secretly seeing a Muslim guy. I love him so much, but our religions are getting in the way. Is there a way we can work this out
without losing each other? – Krystal Female, age 17, USA |
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No. |
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If you really do love each other then everything will turn out OK. |
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I'm thinking if you both become Jewish, religion wouldn't get in the way. But then you would have a whole lot of other things to worry about. |
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Dear Panel, I am trying to get to be closer friends with this boy. But for some reason when we see each other we have nothing to converse about! Help me please! – Lil Dee Female, age 14, USA |
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Maybe you wanna be close friends with him for the wrong reasons. If you have nothing to say to him and vice versa, where's the REAL attraction? |
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Dear Panel, My girlfriend and I are getting through our first year of college together. We have a long history together that started in the 8th grade and are well in love with one another. She however recently felt that she needed to take a break from this relationship and not want a boyfriend for a while. She says she feels too much pressure being in a relasionship and that we need time apart. Does this mean that she doesn't want a boyfriend or that she doesn't want me as a boyfriend and that she wants to see other people? Should I take this as a hint to start
seeing other people, or take a break myself and come back to her in
due time to see if we could eventually work things out? – Jessconfused Male, age 19, USA |
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Yes. |
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You're splitting hairs here. She wants to stop being committed to you. That makes you uncommitted as well. You can see others or not; so can she. At some point, you two will see whether you want to get back together. But for now, you're broken up. Deal with that. |
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Graduate from this relationship like you just did from high school! Move on. If it's meant to be, you'll end up in a lecture together. |
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Dear Panel, What do I do if my boyfriend is cheating on me? – Loren C.Female, age 14, Brooklyn |
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Tell him you know, and dump him. |
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Talk, and try to find out his reasons, and solve the problem! |
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Dear Panel, I'm a 19-year-old girl from Great Britain. For the past nine months (since I first met him) I have fallen deeply in love with a 37-year-old man who I have a great deal in common with (love of flying, challenges, travel). He has two children, a 3-year-old and a 5-month-old who I love to pieces. He is living with his partner (the mother of both) and they have been together for 4 years. I have spent a lot of time with the family and they don't seem to get on too well anyway, unless they are just very private people. He has been previously married for 5 years. We get on so well. I have had other relationships and seen other men, but I can't get him off my mind, and to be honest I don't really want to because he makes me so happy, and he makes me laugh and smile. What shall I do? Shall I confess to him so then I can move on with my life and get over him? Shall I just forget him and wonder for the rest of my life "What if I had told him?" Or shall I carry on the way I am and see what happens naturally? HELP ME!!! – Laura Female, age 19, Oxford, England |
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Keep things the way they are. |
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Tell him how you feel and go from there. |
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Why don't you ask yourself truthfully why you are attracted to someone twice your age who is totally unavailable and inappropriate for you? |
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Dear Panel, I have this great friend that I've been sexually active with and I think I might love him, the only problem is that when we started hanging out he and I both said that we only wanted to be friends and that we were not looking for a relationship. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but at the same time I don't need to have contact with him if I'm going to get over these feelings. Please Help! – CoCo Female, age 25, USA
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You can always re-negotiate your agreement. |
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Dear Panel, How can I get my ex-girlfriend to talk to me about what happened between us? I broke up with her because our long distance relationship became unhealthy and put me under a lot of stress. I want to sort it out, but she thinks we'll only ever be friends now and won't talk to me about the subject. Thanks. – Timster Male, age 29, Scotland |
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Y'know what, sort it out yourself you selfish guy. It's probably painful and boring to her. Do the naval-gazing solo. |
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She probably thinks that a breakup is unhealthy to relationship talks. Live with it. |
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Dear Panel, I have been with the same guy for 2 years. I want to get married. He says he does, but holds back. Is this bad? – Boolovely Female, age 22, Washington State |
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Yeah. |
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He has a commitment phobia, if he can't commit, ditch him. |
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Not "bad" in relation to nuclear war. In relation to getting married, "bad" is probably in the right range. |
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I dunno. What is he holding back? Do you want to get married now? Maybe your timetables are just different. That's not bad. On the other hand, maybe he wants to get married, but not to you. That's bad |
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Dear Panel, I am a writer and a very sensitive person. I have been told that I am very caring and compassionate. Sometimes I feel bad for others and then neglect myself in order to make them happy. She is very ambitious, I guess a type A personality, a leader, in control. I think she is just too critical and controling for me. I have been involved in a relationship for three years. I have always had doubts about our compatibility and have even tried to break up with this woman twice. She cries and pleads and begs me to stay and says she will try to be less critical and demanding. I feel so bad for her that I give in. Then the problems we are having persist and I feel uncomfortable and resentful. I know I need to break up but it is so hard when she starts crying and begging. Any sugesstions on how I can finally break up with her once and for all? – San C. Male, age 40, New York |
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She'll get over it - just do it and walk away. |
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Maybe you think you need her just as much as she thinks she needs you. She's type A, youre type B, so C your way out of this situation. |
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Imagine yourself breaking up. Now imagine yourself getting married to her. Which sounds better? |
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Write a story in first person about some strong heroic guy who dumps a girl that he is incompatible with for very good reasons. Then be the guy. |
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Send her a really nice card in the mail. Change your phone number. Then you won't have to listen to her cry and beg. |
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Dear Panel, Does age count if you're in love with a younger and/or older person? Are they just there to use you? – Christina Female, age 17, Clanton, AL |
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Someone your own age can use you just as easily as someone older or younger. |
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Love is love; regardless of age...only you know for sure. |
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Dear Panel, There is this gurl who I have quite a fancy for but I dunno how she feels about me. We are going to a formal dance together and I dunno how to apporach it. I was thinking about kissing her there, and I dunno what her reaction would be. All I want to know are some signs women give out when they are interested. – Phatty Male, age 16, Mid-North-Eastern USA |
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You mean signs like when we let guys take us to formal dances? |
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One sign is that she's going to the dance with you. What the heck do you think that means? |
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If she lets you pin the corsage on her dress, instead of placing it on her wrist. |
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Dear Panel, I did something that felt so right but I think was so wrong. I just met a guy off the Internet. We talked on the phone for 3 weeks, and decided to meet. We went out and well we had a good time, then we went back to his house and got down and busy *wink*. Afterwards the next morning when he took me home I felt very attached to him. The bad thing is I'm moving in a week to a different state. How should I handle this? – Bittersweet Female, age 21, Las Vegas, NV |
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Say, "Goodbye"? |
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Love & Learn: Relationship advice from a panel of non-experts.
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