Dear Panel,

I've had a boyfriend for over a year now, and my independence is really important to me.

Can I be independent and be in a meaningful relationship at the same time?

– Jessica

Female, age 19, North America

You ask about being independent, yet you depend on a bunch of strangers with no profesional training to tell you what to do – well in that case, sure you can.

Sure, depending on how independent you want to be. Part of "meaningful relationship" is interdependence. How meaningful the relationship, is up to you.

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Dear Panel,

When I go out with girls, my feelings for them seem to end within months each time, and I end the relationship. I have never been dumped.

But then my feelings come back.

This time I am really thinking of begging my ex back after 5 months, she was very much in love with me and I broke her heart, and I don't want to hurt her by my feelings disappearing again. She is so special to me and I've never wanted anyone as much as her.

Should I ask her back or not?

– JRV

Male, age 21, England

No -- let her find someone who is mature enough to deserve her!

Do you have any "just" friends who have lasted more than a couple months?

Maybe something to practice on first.

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Dear Panel,

I was in a relationship for almost 3 years and then he moved away (from Michigan to Montana)!! It's been a year since I have seen him, but I am going to visit him in about a month. We had the perfect relationship, and we love each other very much.

So when I go there should I expect more than a friendship, or just go thinking we are over for good?

– Tina G.

Female, age 13, New York

I don't have a clue. But you can get one. Why don't you call your friend and ask what he's thinking before you get there. Let him know what you want. The best visits are ones with no unpleasant surprises.

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

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Dear Panel,

I consider (or some guys consider me) to be sexy or pretty, however, whenever they approach me and we talk, they change their minds.

I know you might think that what might come out of my month is stupid, but I have learned one thing – not to talk about subjects that I have no idea about.

Neverthless, they don't ask me out again.

My friends say it is because I'm too spontaneous, hyperactive and honest, not a mystery girl that guys usually search for. But I am stubborn in the sense that I want a guy to like me for who I am, and not what they want me to be, which is, I believe, like most of the girls in my home place.

I am right or should i change?

If so, in what way? In a sense that I will still be able to be myself without worrying about what to say or do?

– Reem223

Female, age 25, Lebanon

Most 25 year-old guys I know would consider sexy and pretty to be good for more than just 1 date. Other guys I know think that being spontaneous & honest are good qualities. Keep being yourself and find a nice guy.

Be yourself! If you try to be something else, they will eventually see through it, anyway!

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Dear Panel,

There's this guy I like, and I've been asked out by him before, but I said no.

Now I really regret it and I want to go out with him.

I guess I could ask him out and all, but I don't want to look like a loser if he says no. I'm also afraid that I'll mess up in a relationship with him.

What should I do? Should I ask him out or do nothing?

– LP

Female, age 14, Canada

So...you think nothing of making him feel like a loser when you say no to him, but don't want to look like a loser (and possibly make him feel better) by telling him you would like to go out with him.

Maybe this is an opportunity for you to mature a little more.

Gee, you're jumping ahead a lot. What will you name the kids?

First step: Ask him out. If he says no, no one will think you're a loser unless you tell all your friends before you do it. If/when you're in a relationship is the time to worry about messing it up. Not now.

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Dear Panel,

My boyfriend's ex is still in his life.

She's always at his house, she answers the phone, when I call she's rude to me. She knows about me.

They have three kids together, and I realize they have a history together, and I respect her for that.

But shouldn't he tell her to respect me? She's said some really nasty things to me.

Female, age 39, USA

I don't see how she's his "ex" if she answers his phone.

Three children make more than a history – they make a future. Take her to lunch and make friends (or family, as it may be). 

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Dear Panel,

My daugher Tina is 14 years old, and I just found out she is pregnant by a guy who will be 18 in one month.

Can I get him for statutory rape?

Please, can you tell me what I can do by law?

– PDFriend

Female, age 48, Kentucky

Aren't there more important things to consider here, like your daughter's well-being? Have you even discussed abortion or other alternatives yet?

ANYONE can press charges against him for the statutory rape of your daughter.

But unfortunately, what you "can do by law" won't allow you to tar and feather him, even in Kentucky.

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Dear Panel,

Four years ago, I met someone just before my wedding, and am still attracted to him. We talk frequently and about our poor timing. He is not married, and neither of us has children.

My husband is loving and would be shocked and destroyed if I were to leave.

What do we do?? The situation gets tougher as I approach wanting to have children. I hear about those stories of lost loves finding each other late in life, and am afraid I could be one of them!

– SJK

Female, age 26, North America

The lost love you look for later in life could very well be your current husband.

I'd be more afraid of the realities of life than some fantasy ideal. Try taking a big dose of reality.

Attraction is one thing. Love is another. If this guy weren't in the picture, would you be unhappy enough with your husband to leave him? If not, grow up and stay put.

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Dear Panel,

Me and my best friend of three years have a new found attraction to each other.

Is it a good idea to date?

– Giggle Girl

Female, age 17, USA

Sure, but first talk to each other about feelings that you might have if it doesn't work out.

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Dear Panel,

My name is Trevor, I am 19 years old and very frustrated. I live in Northern Utah.

My girlfriends name is Michelle. She is 18 years old. She lives in Southern Utah.

My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. It's very hard for us to communicate. I can't call her on her phone because we racked up the phone bill pretty high. She and I are constantly busy so it's hard for us to sit down and write to each other. I am also struggling financially.

What I was wondering is if you could give me ideas on how to move down there for cheap, ways to be able to see her more often, better ways to communicate, and just all around how to make this last.

I love her and I'm not going to let her go.

– Trevor

Male, age 15, USA

Long distance relationships are very difficult to maintain, for these reasons. But it shouldn't be too hard to sit down and email each other, basically for free. If that's too much trouble, then it's definitely time for a new relationship.

Use the Internet to communicate – no long distance charges. Most of all believe in the love you have and you'll make it.

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Dear Panel,

I have been involved with a gentleman in the military. During our relationship, he was given orders to get additional training in another state, then onto another country for at least one year. We both feel good about the relationship.

He does not feel it is fair for me to wait for him. I don't really want anyone else. Do you think it could work?

– Lonely And Hurting

Female, age 39, East Coast

Do I think what can work? He could very likely find another, since he's not waiting. Then you won't have a relationship. I say, do what he does, and if you get back together, consider yourselves well-fated.

Aren't military personnel allowed to relocate family?

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If he is ashamed to tell everyone about you two, then you shouldn't be together.

There's a reason he doesnt want anyone to know: The Cops.

Let's see... being with him is forcing you to compromise one of your important values – being honest with people. And it's only been a week?! Honey, break up with this dude and find someone who you can be with without losing yourself or the things important to you.

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Dear Panel,

I am engaged to a wonderful guy and happier than I ever expected to be. The problem is that I am very attracted to his brother, who is a lot better looking and has a few personality traits my fiance lacks. I am not asking advice on what to do, because I know that I need to forget about the brother.

My question is HOW. Although I am completely devoted to my fiancé, I cannot stop staring at his brother and acting like a goon when I'm around him. I am worried that if he ever made a pass at me, I wouldn't be able to resist. Although I'm sure he would never do that, I don't want that possibility out there. I also worry that my fiance or his family will pick up on the attraction. I am convinced of what I need to do, but how can I just stop being attracted to someone? Help!

– Lorna

Female, age 24, Northeast

Every time you see the brother, slap yourself on the cheek. Explain you have a very nervous tic. The brother won't come around that much.

You can't, call off the wedding, NOW!!!!!

Can you really go through with a MARRIAGE with feelings like this? Get some integrity and end the engagement.

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Dear Panel,

I've been with this guy for a week.

I was supposed to call him on Saturday, and I did, but he never called me back, and its been 4 days. He used to call me 3 times a day. I really miss him. I called him a couple of times over the last few days, but there's been no reply.

What should I do?

– Confused 34568

Female, age 20, USA

I think he got your messages. Now you have to get his.

Let it go and find someone else, don't make yourself look desperate.

This guy really must have left some impression on you to miss him after seeing him for ONLY a week. Honey – when they don't call you back - STOP CALLING.

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Dear Panel,

I am torn. I have been married 16 years, two kids, etc, fairly happy, but my husband won't hardly kiss me. It gets worse as time goes on, barely a peck on the cheek. Sex is good, but sometimes getting in the mood is hard without much in the way of kissing.

Now the hard part, I am attracted to a guy at work. I have kissed him and it feels wonderful. I don't want a relationship, only the physical attention that I am craving. He is leaving his job and the area in a few months and I enjoy his company.

Help! I don't want to lose my husband, but I am deparate to be kissed, which I have told my husband.

– Shut Up And Kiss Me

Female, age 39, Midwest

Tell your husband what you need, and kiss work-guy goodbye.

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Dear Panel,

I feel awful. Rarely do I find myself terribly attracted to someone so much that I want to pursue or date them. I am fine with being alone but every 2 years or so this happens.

Recently I met someone in my building. He is beautiful and unique and sensitive...and taken. Last week I ended up sleeping at his place-and with him. When it was too late I asked the question and did find out he has a girlfriend. I broke down in tears--I said because I felt bad for his girlfriend.

I have an unsettled feeling and think I need to go talk to him, but I have no idea what to say. He sounds like an awful man, but that isn't the case. It's been only a few weeks (their relationship) and I do believe he acted on feelings that could develop into something with me. It didn't seem as though he regretted it (and there was no alcohol invoved).

That is certainly what I want but I am afraid and confused. What do I do?

– Vick

Female, age 26, Chicago

Of course he didn't regret SEX! He's a man!!! and a loser....move on.

Leave him alone. He has a girlfriend. You were used!

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Dear Panel,

I am 17 years old and so is my long time girlfriend of a year and a few months

She is bi-sexual.

Me (Wesley) and my girl (Eli) have been going out for a long time.

During the summer of last year she cheated on me with a girl because we weren't really talking, but we were not broken up. I just found this out a few days ago. After the summer we got really close and our relationship became a lock that would not break.

Untill now I was so hurt I did not know what to do so today I told her we need some time apart so I can think of what to do. I still feel hurt and don't know what to do.

Given this new information, should I stay with her or break up with her?

– Wesley

Male, age 17, New York City

If she had cheated with a guy, would that have made a difference?

So your girl still likes you and also has a thing for having other girls... what was your problem again?

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Dear Panel,

I have been friends with a guy, call him John, for 6 years and I have no interest to be in more of a relationship with him. He recently asked me to attend a wedding with him and I went just as a friend. I was getting mixed signals from John and I am now thinking that he might possibly be interested in me. I really just want to be friends with him.

So, here's the point: At the reception, one of John's friends invited me to sit at his table (because my friend was with the wedding party) and we started talking. We talked about the general things – school and work. We found out that we would both like the same kind of career and we have some common interests. I thought that he would be the kind of person to motivate me to do a little more in my life.

My question is, how do I ask my friend John about possibly getting in touch with his friend without possibly hurting my friend if he likes me? And also, he lives 2-1/2 hours away from me – is it worth it?

– T.

Female, age 24, USA

You probably should clear up things with John before you start moving on his friends. Then you can worry about the details.

Isn't it funny how you can find love at a wedding!
Go for it! Just make sure you invite John to YOUR wedding with his friend!

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Dear Panel,

After two years my girlfriend decided to break up with me. I feel so lost and I'm so hurt that I feel like life has no meaning for me.

I also know that she's hurt too. Well after over a month for the first time I had the chance to talk on the phone and basically explained that from her point of view we're not compatible.

I tried to explain her that when you really love someone you'll try any way to find a solution to the problem and that really our relationship sure had ups and downs but overall we're really made to be together. Am I in denial or it's her that pushes it away.

I'm desperate. It's so har to let it go when you've finally realized how important she is.
I also know that I should leave her alone but at the same time I want to tell her what i feel and why.

Please help me!!

– It

Male, age 37, USA

It takes 2 for a relationship, and sometimes one just doesn't want it. Work on getting over it. .

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Dear Panel,

I'm falling for a married man & I think he's starting to fall for me.

We met on a vacation tour group & although we've only known each other 2 months, we've become nearly inseparable friends. I haven't met someone I've felt so close to for 15 years. We talk or email several times a day. He's been married for about as long and has two young kids.

He's a good person who truly believes in doing the right thing. He loves his kids, but his marriage seems to have been unstable from before I came into the picture. I care about him too much to let him hurt himself & his family with this infatuation.

I guess my question is how can we remain friends without it going too far? I don't want to insult him by bringing this up -- what if he'd never do anything, regardless of how he feels? I find myself aching for him & maybe it's me that can't handle it.

Is ending the friendship the only way to prevent something bad from happening?

– Kari

Female, age 18, USA

Yep.

No, ending the relationship is not the only way, but it IS an effective way.

Something bad has already happened. You love another woman's husband.

You can't stay friends without going too far. End the friendship and DON'T look back.

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