Snappy Answers September 26, 2001

Dear Panel,

How many statutory rapes have there been this year?

- AnaLoya

Female, age 16, USA

Too many.

I'd estimate in the millions. Why do you want to know?

Also see:
"What is statutory rape?"

React to this answer

Dear Panel,

If I'm 24 years old and my girlfriend is 17 years old, does that mean I've committed statutory rape with her if I have sex with her?

I'm from Illinois. Also, if I had sex with a 16 year old and she turned 17, does it mean I've commited statutory rape?

- K. Washington

Male, age 24, Illinois, USA

Wouldn't you have less to worry about if you dated someone your own age?

Also see:
"What is statutory rape?"

Dear Panel,

I am a woman in her late teens attending high school. I have always been attracted to older guys and matured early on in life.

OK, so Michael is a family friend that I have known for probably 8 or 9 years. He is also 7 years older than me. We have always kind of been like a brother and sister to each other, but closer.

His sister, Katherine, and I are like best friends. She is older than me by 12 years but we still have the closest friendship. She tells me everything about everything - including Michael.

OK, so Michael and I have been EXTREMELY flirty with each other within the past 6 months.

Something else that you need to know is that we both sing. He and Katherine often sing in classy bars or cafes. I sing at various events around my state. So Michael has happened to "drop by" and has been getting Katherine's guitar while I am baby-sitting her children and we will just sit there and sing together. Often times, he sings to me, too. Also he sometimes comes from behind me and slaps or grabs my butt in a flirty way. Not totally sexually, but just playful. Well, he also picks me up and carries me around sometimes as well as playfully calls me his girlfriend or says what a cute couple we would make.

My question is...well...do you think that there is a chance between us? I'm not even 18 yet.

- Liz

Female, age 16, USA

Give it time – you are in two very different places in life right now.

Sure. I dated and thought I was in love with my cousin's good friend when I was 17 and he was 26. It lasted until I got to college four months later. No reason not to go for it.

But before you start monogramming towels, make sure he really wants to date you and isn't just being flirty for the fun of it.

Dear Panel,

A friend of mine and myself are considering dating. We live in Kansas. I am 16 and he is 20. I realize that the age difference seems to cause problems to arise.
Is it illegal for us to be together?

Also, would it be breaking any laws if we would happen to have sex? He wants to get into the police force and wants to keep his nose clean.

– Kansas Rose

Female, age 16, Kansas, USA

Jeez – don't they teach you anything in school anymore? It's not illegal for anyone to be with anyone in this country.

It might be breaking laws if you "happen" to have sex. Check your state law. Even if it's legal, you might want to abstain from sex for reasons that have nothing to do with clean noses. Think about it.

Illegal to be together, no, but if he wants to be on the police force, it's not only his nose he needs to be worrying about.

Also see:
"What is statutory rape?"

Dear Panel,

How do you know if you are in love?

I thought I was with my man of 4 months, but now I'm not sure.

He loves me. Can my feelings change so quickly?

– Marnie

Female, age 37, Australia

Only 4 months...feelings can change that quickly, it's called a "woman's prerogative".

Of course they can. All the books and magazines talk about the rush of the initial passion. That never lasts. Don't think there's something wrong if the passion dies down – that's not real love.

If you can't live with the feelings that are left after that point, then he's not the one for you.

React to this answer

Dear Panel,

I am 15 and my boyfriend is 20. We've been together 2 years and now he wants to start dating other people because I was his only girlfriend ever.

I am really confused because sometimes he can't get enough of me, and other times he can't stand me. What should I do?

– Aimee

Female, age 15, USA

He's 20 and you're his first girlfriend?

Grow up. And concentrate on other things besides boyfriends.

Dear Panel,

How do I tell my boyfriend I am not ready for sex?

– AP

Female, age 18, USA

You open your mouth and say : "I'M NOT READY."

Dear Panel,

Can you give me any advice on trying to get the love of my life back?

I think she knows she loves me, but wants to be a wild party girl right now, and hook up with different guys. This has happened before, but now she's going out with someone who she really is in awe over.

Should I try to get her back, or just wait and be here for her if she needs me?

– Steve

Male, age 15, USA

The odds are against her being the "love of your life" if she's 15 and a party girl. Don't be waiting around for some non-existant ideal.

You poor, deluded guy. Don't try to get her back, don't wait for her; she's not ready for you, she's not the love of your life. You're 15 for heaven's sake - look around some more.

Dear Panel,

My boyfriend just broke up with me because his parents told him I don't love him and care for him. He admits to loving me, but insists we can't be together.

His parents feel I hurt their son by leaving our rented apartment (I couldn't find a job in the area).

– Revig

Female, age 26, USA

If he can't figure out your relationship without his parents' help, what else can't he do without their help?

You didn't ask a question, but here's my answer anyway: Let's see... your boyfriend is over-dependent on his parents, his parents don't like you, and he's probably using them as an excuse to break up with you because he doesn't want to be together. Things are peachy!

As long as you're in a different area, why not start with someone who's not so messed up?

Dear Panel,

My relationship with my girlfriend has lasted for almost 9 years, we have been together for 8 years before I moved to Europe and worked here. I have been here for 3 months. She is in Asia. I am terribly in love with her.

I think she is not as serious as I am right now, and I am confused if we should continue with our relationship. I think she is not that honest with me. But she keeps on denying and telling me that she is serious.

We are planning to get married this September. Would it be a good idea to continue with our plan?

– Frank

Male, age 25, Germany

If it has taken you THIS long to get married, NEITHER of you are serious.

If after 9 years you're not sure, neither am I.

Dear Panel,

I am married to a very good person. I know he loves me and I love him, too.

Before our wedding he told me he is a incurable flirt, and at that time I had thought I would be able to handle it. But now 4 months after marriage, I find it hard when he flirts with other girls in my presence. I find it insulting, although he tells me it's just harmless flirting and I do believe it is in his nature because he flirts with every girl.

But I get very upset. I know he loves me, but somehow I have been unable to take it lightly. Please advise me.

– XYZ

Female, age 24, Asia

Flirting can be the precursor to something else. Maybe that's why it bothers you.

You need counseling. Sooner rather than later.

Dear Panel,

I have a male friend who I just got to know very well. I got to reach the inside of him and I was surprised that he is so different. Now, we are pretty close. We hang out together every weekend. He celebrated my birthday with me and he was more open with me than when he was in the first place.

Now, my friends all say that he likes me. I find it hard to believe and let nature take its course, but it keeps me thinking for quite some time as I got a dream that he ask me to be his girlfriend.

Please help me what to do! I am really scared and confused.

– Confused^Gurl

Female, age 15, Asia

Why would you be really scared about having a good male friend who you dream about?

Dear Panel,

I'm 14 and I'm sad and confused about a guy that I'm totally obsessed with.
Gavin is the guy that i'm obssesed with. He's very shy, but gives me mixed signals.

In the beginning of last year, I liked him a lot, and even thought he liked me too, because of the way he looks at me when I'm not looking, and teases me and stuff. So I got my friend to ask him out, but then I got rejected!

But then this year, he still acted like he liked me, so I asked him to talk to me as a friend, and he says no, too!

And now, he's still giving me signals, like sitting next to me when there are other empty seats, looking at me while I'm not looking, and deliberately walking behind me.

I am so confused!!! Does Gavin like me???

– Kat

Female, age 14, New Zealand

Yes. In a confused, 14-year-old kind of way.

Flirt with others – you're bound to get a more positive reaction.

Dear Panel,

I am a woman and about 2 years ago I met a couple and became good friends with both the man and the woman. I stayed in their house and they helped me in many ways. Eventually we all had sex, her and I, he and I, all three of us at once.

The trouble is that their relationship was not in good standing before or during this entire time. (About 1 year) They had problems and were not happily married. So the man moved out of the house and I have since continued to see him. I love his company as a friend and lover, but every time we make love, I end up feeling guilty. Like I am the reason that they broke up. The wife and the husband have both acknowledged that there were problems before they met me and both of them have expressed that they DO NOT hold me responsible for their breakup.

Are my feelings of guilt justified?

Signed

– Girl.......Guilty

Female, age 38, USA

You're guilty of being in a chaotic situation. Assuage your guilt by seeking something a bit more stable.

Dear Panel,

I was wondering about what you think about threesomes. I would like to bring another female in with my boyfriend.

Is this a bad idea?

– Vixen

Female, age 20, Canada

Probably not to your boyfriend.

What I think about threesomes is irrelevant. All I can say is that when my kindergartener tried to have playdates with three total, someone was always odd man out. Two or four worked better for her.

As long as you won't be jealous in the long run, why not?