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Dear Panel, I am from Saudi Arabia, but my parents moved here to America before I was born. Everyone looks at me like I'm a terrorist. Even the girl I have a crush on. What should I do? – Ben Male, age 17, Annandale VA |
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Nothing. You have no reason to apologize for who you are. Be proud of your roots, and be proud that you are an American. |
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You should try talking to them, and just remember that it was not your fault in any way. |
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Tell them you're Israeli. |
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Dear Panel, OK, so here it goes: I like this guy and he likes me, but I'm too young for him. But I really want to get his attention. We kissed a few times, but I really like him. How do I get his full attention? I want to dress sexy – but not "sexy" sexy – like "nice" sexy. – Megan Female, age 15, USA |
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Most 15 year-olds look sexier than they know in blue jeans. Just be cool. |
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Slutty = showing too much skin, too tight, too sheer. As long as you don't do that, you should be OK! |
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Dear Panel, How does one know if a girl is not a virgin? My mom and I go to the same OB-Gyn, and I am scared that my mom will discover that I am not a virgin anymore. Would the OB-Gyn know about it, if
ever she does a regular checkup of me? – Bluntbaby Female, age 18, Philippines |
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The OB-Gyn might know. However, in this country, they're supposed to keep that stuff between you and them. And if you're 18, you're legally an adult, and so no doctor should be telling your parents anything without your permission. At least here in the US. But if you're worried, find a different doctor. |
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Dear Panel, I am in the market for an engagement ring. What is the norm for the amount of money any given person should spend? – Mike C Male, age 24, USA |
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Probably proportional to how much it means to you. Or $500 max. |
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Do we look like DeBeers?! They say one month's salary. I say, buy something you can afford that you think she'll love. And remember, she'll be wearing it forever, if you're lucky. |
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Less than a luxury car, and more than the amount needed for a box of Cracker Jack with a prize inside. |
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Dear Panel, My boyfriend wants me to tell him how I know I'm "in love" with him. I tell him I care about him and that when I'm not with him I think of him all of the time and want to be next to him always. But that is not what he is looking for. Any suggestions what he wants to hear from me? – Confused Female, age 26, USA |
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Yeah. Ask HIM what he wants to hear. How would we know? |
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Yes, dear. Whatever you say, dear. Jump? Certainly, how high dear? |
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It sounds to me like he's looking for a way out. |
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Dear Panel, How do I get him to have sex? – LexxieFemale, age 23, Africa |
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He is a guy right? Just ask. |
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Dear Panel, I've just met a guy a week ago, and we had sex the very first night we met. We had sex only one time a few days ago after that. We said we were going to be "beneficial friends". But I want more-how should I handle this. I don't want love right from the start, just something else-more of a real friendship. – Mandy E. Female, age 17, USA |
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You screwed that up when you had sex the night you met. |
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'm so confused – and so are you. What's 'beneficial friends'? And what is more than that? Is real friendship more than "beneficial friends"? And is love more than that? Is being sexually intimate with someone lower on the scale than all of the above? If so, your values are whacked, you've messed up with this guy, and you should start all over with someone new and a better set of priorities: one with sex AFTER love. |
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You should tell him what you want. |
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Next time you see him, watch a movie while having sex. |
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Dear Panel, Me and my boyfriend try not to have phone sex, but we can't help it. We agree that the whole relationship isn't based on that, but it's hard to tell and I don't want it to be just based on that. What should I do? – Confused Female, age 16, USA
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Hang up. |
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Stop having phone sex and see what happens. |
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Phone sex is safer than a lot of other sex. |
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Dear Panel, I've got a boyfriend for 6 months now. Until now we only kissed each other. I like to go further, but every time we get the chance to do that kind of stuff, he is too nervous to do anything! He says it's because he has no experience at that area. But on the other side, he also wants to do more than kiss. Now my question is: 'How can I relax him so we can
make out?' – Caroline Female, age 18, Europe |
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I find a blindfold and handcuffs work. |
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Be patient and teach him slowly - without any pressure. |
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Dear Panel, Is it wrong of me to expect that a girl who is cheating on her fiancé with me, but now wants a real relationship with me, is going to eventually do the same thing to me with another man? We have been having an affair for almost a year, and feelings have turned to the more serious side, but I'm afraid I would never be able to trust her. And that eventually she would mess around on me. She claims that I'm "like no other", but if she is capable of doing it, then she'll do it again, right? HELP! – Untrustinglove Male, age 29, Eastern USA |
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Gosh, I really feel for you. What a messy bed you've made to sleep in. |
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Yep. Once a cheater always a cheater. |
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Dear Panel, How should I propose to my off-and-on boyfriend of the past two years? He and I have talked about marriage, but he doesn't want to actually tie the knot for another few years. I want to ask him the question when he comes back from Boot Camp in November. – Hopelessly Devoted Female, age 20, USA |
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Usually when someone says that they do NOT want to get married (no matter what their excuse is for it), they are gonna say "No". |
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Don't propose – if he wanted marriage, he would've asked already. |
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Dear Panel, I am a young woman who has been dating her first love for a year. His name is Jim, and everything was great, until we went on vacation together. We went with his family and I thought we had a good time. We were so close and he was my first love. When we got back from vacation he broke up with me 4 days after. He said he realized after vacation he realized we weren't as close as he thought. Now he says just for us to be close friends and see what happens. I really want to be with him. Should I wait for him, or move on? – Renee B. Female, age 18, Pennsylvania |
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Move on, he doesn't plan on ever getting back together. |
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Talk a while, if you think it's going to work out, then go from there. |
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Dear Panel, I propsed my friend whom I know from 6 years, but she said I am mad. What shall I do? – Ashley Male, age 21, India |
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Take a hint. |
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Never, ever propse her again. |
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Dear Panel, My girlfriend and I recently split up, but she keeps coming back . I really love her, but it hurts when she comes back into my life wanting to be friends. I can't, as it hurts too much. Now her mum is telling me to leave her alone for the second time. The last time I left her alone, but ended up coming back and her mum ended up phoning me to tell me to phone her daughter. I need to get on with my life, but just when I start, she comes back into it and screws me up again. How do I stop this? – Cas Male, age 24, Britain |
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Keep the mum out of it, and drop her. She's already dropped you. |
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Just say "no". At this point, you're doing it to yourself. Develop some will power, change your phone #, remind yourself how much it hurts to be with her, and get on with it. |
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Dear Panel, The problem I have is that I'm too good. I'm too devoted, too understanding, not much of a challenge at all. I can't help it, when I love someone I love them. I get really hurt when I start being taken for granted. What can I do? That's where I'm at now. How can I change this pattern? – Anne Female, age 44, Connecticut |
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Develop an edge. Read my snappies.
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Why would you want to? Remain true to who you are, heart on your sleeve and all.
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Get off your high horse. You've got issues you aren't even aware of. |
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Dear Panel, I am 18 years old, dating a 20-year-old guy. We both still live at home. I am extremely jealous and possessive. I have trouble controlling my emotions at times. We've been dating 2 years. He Works at an All-Girls CampMy boyfriend, Jay, and I were doing great until he started working at an all-girls academy summer camp. He is very flirtatious and leads girls on. He craves attention. Last summer we broke up because he started to work at this camp and he got "confused", didn't know what he wanted. He ended up going on a date with a girl from there, and it wasn't all he expected. We ended up back together after 2 weeks apart. He called me back. So far since last July, we've never even threatened to break up until he started working again this year. He says it'll be his last year, but I don't believe him. It pays well and he has a school debt to pay. He tends to make friends with these girls and I don't understand his relationship to them. He acts like he cares about their feelings or their reputations more than mine. He Called Me a PsychoFor example, one of the girls stripped at a club. I called her a slut, and he got all defensive, called me a jealous psycho bitch, and told me to leave. When I started to cry he called me a cry baby. I don't understand why he defended her so much. He calls me later than normally, which leads me to imagine only bad things happening, but when I ask him where he has been or what happened, he says I ask too many questions or I'm grilling him. How do I cope with a flirtatious boyfriend? – no signature Female, age 18, Louisiana |
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I guess I missed the reason you two are together at all. |
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Dear Panel, I am a 22-year-old female and a full-time student. "Tom" is 26 years old. My relationship with "Tom" began when I was 16 years old. In the beginning, everything was perfect and I felt he was the love of my life. He Battered MeAfter a year and a half, everything began to change. He became very possessive and violent towards me. Gradually, he began to batter me to the point where I could not go to work until my face healed. After three years, our relationship finally ended with him going to jail for three years. This was in 1999. He Says We Should Be TogetherThis past February, he was released and I ran into him, but I refused to talk to him. I just saw him yesterday and allowed him to speak to me. He apologized for our past relationship and said he is a different man today. He told me that at the time he used drugs. (He never did this in front of me, so I was clueless). He feels that we are soulmates and that we should be together. I should also mention that during the last year of our relationship, he was very promiscuous and we both knew what was going on but I continued to stay in the relationship. He told me he did what he did because he found out I cheated on him once. Since he's been out of jail, I've seen him with about two different women, but he didn't see me. When I talked with him, he told me about one of the women but told me it didn't work out. I'm very confused right now. It may be hard to believe, but I still love "Tom" with all my heart. I would love to be in a healthy relationship with him, but I fear that my family will never forgive me if I return to him and I'm not sure if he is trustworthy or not. I want to know if I should believe that he has changed and should we start again or not ? – Young, Dumb, and Confused Female, age 22, California |
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Is there anything we could possibly say to affect your self-destructive attraction to this ex-con? |
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You said yourself you're not sure if he's trustworthy. Why subject yourself to the possibility of more violence at worst, uncertainty and angst at best? Isn't there another man out there you could love who hasn't battered you to a pulp? |
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I don't think WE'LL forgive you if you return to him. MOVE ON! He sounds like a loser – sorry to break it to you! |
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Dear Panel, I met this girl about 4 weeks ago. I'm crazy about her. Sex has been beyond belief. I haven't really put too much pressure on her, but recently she told me that she thinks things are going a bit fast, and that she needs to focus on work, etc. I told her that we should take it slow, but I'm afraid that our short-lived relationship is on a downward spiral. I'm afraid to call her, but don't want to lose her. What should I do? – Dazed Confused Male, age 30, Northern California |
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Call her, but dial slowly.
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You met four weeks ago and are already having sex. I agree with her – you're going too fast!
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Taking it slow is relationship doublespeak for "I don't know if I really like you", or it can mean "I'll buy some time". Either way, the best approach is the direct approach. Call her and ask her what her intentions are, you will feel better once the cards are on the table. Good Luck my friend!!!!
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Dear Panel, My sister-in-law stays with us at least three times a week. The thing is that she is a very atrictive girl. She my wife's older sister. When she is at the house she likes to ware very confortable clothes, and it is driving me nuts!!! To the point that I want to be with her. There are times when we spend enless hours together alone, but nothing happens. What should I do??? – ADAYL8 Male, age 24, USA |
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Take a cold shower and stay away from your sister-in-law. She's YOUR sister now!!! |
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Learn how to spell and get a divorce! |
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Get her out of your house or GET DIVORCED! Do your poor wife a favor. |
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Sorry, that's the last question
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Love & Learn: Relationship advice from a panel of non-experts.
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