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Dear Panel, Okay, his name is Kenney, and I really REALLY like him and I'm ready to be with him in a relationship, but I don't know if he wants that or if he's just using me. He flirts with me all the time, but when someone looks he stops. Like when people aren't paying attention he'll wrap his arms around me and hold me, but once someone turns around he lets go. When people are around AT HOME he lets me play with his hair and stuff, but like at school he doesn't want anything to do with me really, he'll talk to me and stuff, he doesn't IGNORE me, but he won't touch me or anything. So is he just using me?? Or is he just ashamed or something? Please help me out. – Danielle Female, age 16, Maine, USA |
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Find out. Next time you're around people, YOU grab HIn. Should be informative. |
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Dear Panel, What is the legal age for dating a guy in New Hampshire? – AC Female, age 15, USA |
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Who is telling the teens of America that there are laws against DATING? |
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Please stop sending me all these questions about the "legal" age for dating and statutory rape in different states, and the whiny ones from 14 year-olds complaining "It's not fair that it's illegal. He says he luuuuvs me, and I would die for him". I'm not a legal advice columnist, and I'm getting depressed by all the young teens who think they're sooo ready for sex. They're not ready. There's no "magical" age when you are, but I guarantee you it's not under 16. Kids need to grow up before they have sex, and it's really clear that these questions come from kids who are sooo not ready. Thanks for letting me rant. |
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Dear Panel, I love a guy who is 3 years younger than me. He also loves me. Tell me: should I marry him? – Megha Female, age 24, India |
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This is not a lot of information to go on. Therefore, I recommend you wait until you're both the same age. |
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Yes. The older you are, the less age differences matter, in any direction. |
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Marriage is not only about love. Wait. |
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Dear Panel, I am a stay-at-home mother of two (well, three if you count my husband). I feel like I am a very loving person. But I have been very stressed out after our second child. My husband works all the time. Generally he is a fun-loving guy and would do anything for anybody – except for his wife and boys. I feel he has no time for us. Our children, they need a father to spend quality time with them not just 15 minutes a day. We have been married for 5 years and the first 2 years were great, until we started having children, and then everything fell into place of arguments, not communicating, no sex. My desire is gone and he doesn't even try to do anything that used to work. How can I make him see my side that we need his time and attention and LOVE? – Heather Female, age 30, USA |
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Get a regular baby-sitter for Saturday nights (or alternate with a friend if it's too expensive). Go out on "dates" again, just the two of you. Talk. If that doesn't work, insist on couples counseling. If it's any comfort, you're not the only one to go through this. But it's a miserable way to live, and life is too short.
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Let him come home to an empty house for a few nights – it may sound drastic, but you've got to make the move to remind him he wears that ring for a reason. |
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Dear Panel, Do I have to return the promise ring he gave me now that we're broken up? He says it's a family heirloom. – Stacie L. Female, age 16, Minnesota, USA |
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Well, dear, it would be the kind thing to do. And you are kind, aren't you? Not some jealous, petty, vindictive twit? |
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Dear Panel, I am a male born in Yugoslavia. I am now 15, I am the kind of guy with the high standards, basically because when I find a girl I gotta have her. Also because it will prevent me from getting hurt. I really can't help it, it's just me. Let's call her Angel, for to me, she is one. Angel goes to my school. She is 3 years older than me. She has a younger sister one year younger than me. Angel is in OAC. I am in grade 10 on the second day of school in grade 9 (last year). When I first saw her she took my breath kind of like love at first site. And since then she drives me crazy. At night I cry for I know I have not a chance with her. Every night I wonder how can such beauty exist among us. Every one I tell this story to tells me to forget about her. But no one understands that easier said then done for I know I truly love her and never forget about her. When she graduates this year I will
be shattered knowing I will never see the angelic face and the eyes
so beautiful you cannot even turn away. So if someone please give
me some advice to help, I believe you will thank you! :) Male, age 16, Canada |
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You have the soul of a poet. Or at least the keyboard. Thank goodness you now have your bout with unrequited love, so you have something to write about. |
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Dear Panel, I have a huge crush on a girl I met a few days back. She is a party-going type of a girl, not one that has yet decided to be steady with a guy. She is coming to my birthday party on Friday and I want to ask her out. I want her to be my girlfriend. How do I convince her in being steady with me? What do I say to her? – Pollok Male, age 16, Asia |
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Don't waste your heart on a wild one, she's got a soul that won't settle on one thing. |
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Dear Panel, I am a young, outgoing , loves to party and have a good time girl. I have a 9-to-5 and go to school. He is a wonderful person (inside and out). Smart, responsible , good looking , educated , fun, respectful guy. But he is also always busy and hard to get a hold of. I met him at a wedding. I knew who he was because I had seen him in other places. I have always had a little "crush" on him but nothing serious, anyway I am the type of person that doesn't have a lot of courage but that night I was determined to get his number or something . Well I got the courage to give him my number instead and sure enough he called me the next day. I got to know him more and more and my feelings towards him grew. It's been a year and we're still in "Phase 1" (we have had our romantic times here and there). The thing is he's always busy and hardly has time to do stuff . He doesn't know that over the time my feelings have grown. I don't want to tell him because I have so much pride and because I am scared of rejection. Am I wasting my time ? – Claudia Female, age 18, USA
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No. Some things take time. Some people move slowly. Keep going, just don't close yourself off to someone you may like even more... |
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3 step plan:
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Dear Panel, HOW COME YOU NEVER ANSWERED MY QUESTION????????????????????????????????????????????? – KAT Female, age 13, Canada |
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Are you talking to me?????????????????? |
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I don't have to answer that. |
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Dear Panel, I am shy and never really gotten to close to anyone before. I usually keep a cool head through things even the bad but this is bugging the hell outta me. I met this girl a while ago and we
were sorta friends. She always seemed flaky and went between guys
like a game of volleyball. She is still hung up on her ex and gets
ticked at him for going out with other people (they are still friends
so they hang out). She has like a list of guys she has went out with
or screwed and I end up hearing about every single one of them. Well, we never actually went out (alone), we were technically boyfriend and girlfriend. I was there while she flirted, when she went out with other guys and when she got hurt. She asked me if I liked her and I said
"yes" – I even said I loved her. She still did all
the same stuff – going out with guys and ending up telling me
about it even though I don't want to hear it. I felt like her plaything
and all she wanted to do is make me and her ex jealous. I was acting kinda down one day because
I was kinda tired. She starts asking whether I was down because of
her. I said "No". Next day she phones me and complains about
me not talking to her (it's been one day!!!) She asks if I still like
her and I told her "as a friend" because (I didn't say this
part) I don't want to be her stupid plaything that ends up getting
ignored and taken out when she is hurt, but I'm not going to hate
her for it. Now she's mad and won't even talk to me. Is this my fault??? If it is what should I say to her if she will give me a chance to talk??? – Really Confused Male, age 17 |
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Dear Panel, Is meeting a guy once enough to fall in love? – Jaz Female, age 13, Australia |
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Yes. Especially for 13-year-olds. |
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It depends. |
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Yes, it's called love at first sight. There is such a thing. |
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Are you ready to spend the rest of your life with HIM??? |
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Dear Panel, I am a very nice young man. I am also very polite (I think). I usually am in a relationship. I like to move pretty fast. She is very nice looking she has a great personality and likes to visit a lot, visits over at my house a lot. Well, we have been going out for about 3 months now, and by now I would have usually had my first kiss with this girl, but this one let me do other stuff, but not kiss her. We do a lot together and stuff. Why won't she kiss me but let me do other stuff? – Joe Male, age 15, USA |
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She doesn't want an emotional attachment to you, but she likes doing other stuff because the attention feels good. She's got issues. Or have you tried popping a Tic Tac? |
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Dear Panel, I'm 36 years old and my life partner is 43. We've been together for 10 years. We're happy and totally monogamous. Recently, my partner started a new job and made a couple of new friends. One in particular has become a very good friend to both of us over the past several months, a real friend. We've gotten to know each other quite well and the three of us spend a lot of time together doing various recreational activities. The problem is is that I find myself very attracted to this new-found friend but I would never act on this attraction – ever! However, I find myself thinking about this person continually. Would expressing these feelings to this person help me to move on with life or would this just complicate things and ruin three great friendships? If this wouldn't be wise, what would be a good alternative? – Unsure in New York Female, age 36, New York, USA |
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Do not tell the friend. Evaluate your current relationship. |
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A good alternative: next time you're "with" your partner, imagine you're with your new friend. Just be careful to exchange your friend's name with something like "honey" in the heat of the moment! |
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Dear Panel, I have a 16-year-old cousin dating a 19 year old guy. We live in Indiana. I know the current law is at 16 she can give consent, but if my grandparents (her legal guardians) don't agree, can he get in trouble? – Worried About Family Female, age 19, Indiana |
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It sounds like he can get it all kinds of trouble, and much of it has nothing to do with the law. |
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Dear Panel, I am a college senior. I have been in a relationships for three years. She is a college junior, and we are both from the same town. I have been dating this girl for 3 years now, and we were best friends for 2 years before that. We are both from the same city and are from the same church. I love her very much. We have had this long distance relationship the whole time, and see each other a lot still. All breaks and summer, plus at least two times a month we see each other. Our families are very close and our dreams and hopes are very much the same. I am graduating in the spring, and I am planning on moving to her city when I graduate, so finally we can be together. Last week she broke up with me because she said she had to "find herself". What does that mean? We have not been fighting, and things were going really well. It just came out of the blue. Do you think she is scared, and what do I do to get her back? Help... – Frank Male, age 21, North Carolina, USA |
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I uh...umm...hey look!! brownies!! |
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Dear Panel, My daughter is 15 and we live in Illinois. She wants to start dating and going out with an 18-year-old. Is it illegal to date at that age due to the statutory rape law? – Worried Female, Illinois, USA |
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It's only illegal if she has sexual relations. But tell me, mom, are you encouraging her to go out with 18-year-olds? Have you let her know that having sex at her age is more trouble than it's worth? |
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Dear Panel, I have been with this guy for almost two months and I really like him. I think he feels the same way, too. The problem is that I had sex with him after the second week we started being together. Did I gave it up too soon, or was it normal? He even told me that it doesn't matter to him because I love him regardless and he is planning on marrying me in the future. Do you think he is saying that to get some more, or do you think he is for real? – Confused Female, age 18, California |
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Early is fine if you're comfortable with it. No way in Hell is he marrying you, though. |
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Dear Panel, Is it right for anyone to date an 11-year-old if the other person is 17? – James Male, age 20, USA |
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No. Eleven year olds shouldn't be "dating", period. Going out with friends, having crushes, sure. Dating?! Too young. Where's your moral compass? Where are her parents? Where is their moral compass? |
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The word "NO" seems to leap to mind. See, there's this little thing called puberty. |
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Wait until you're 27! |
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Dear Panel, I am a 21 year old Christian female. My boyfriend is also a Christian, but has had some problems with depression, and impulse disorder and has been diagnosed with these. Everything was perfect, but Boyfriend is now going to court for an "indecent exposure" misdemeanor. Twice while answering the door for pizza, women have claimed he exposed himself to them. The first one, he just accidentally had his pants unzipped, but had a T-shirt on that he thought covered the problem. The second one, he went outside, thinking I was coming over, with his penis exposed. I believe that this was not intentional, and he has been crying about it ever since. I know this sounds like he is a sex maniac, but he is very kind, and I am virgin, and in all the 3 years we have been together he has never pressured me to have sex. I believe he was just careless, and I am not sure I want to throw this relationship away. Should I stay together with Boyfriend? – Confused Female, age 21, Texas, USA |
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Sure. Until you reach the point where you're ready to throw the relationship away. Life with someone who has mental problems is not easy. And martyrdom has definite problems as a lifestyle. |
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Sure, just make sure to dress up as a pizza delivery girl and he'll fulfill your wildest fantasies. |
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Sorry, that's the last question
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What do you think of these Snappy Answers? |
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Love & Learn: Relationship advice from a panel of non-experts.
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