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Dear Panel, Why do men get paranoid about their partners cheating? – Kerry Female, age 30, Australia |
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Probably because they consider it and do it so much, they assume women do also. Foolish ducks. |
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Insecurity. He probably thinks you're gorgeous and that every man can see it and will try to take you away. |
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For the same reason that women get paranoid about their partners cheating. |
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It took too much work to find the first one. They don't want to start over. |
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I don't know. When did you start cheating? |
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Dear Panel, My boyfriend and I have been dating nearly three years and are both 27-years-old. I am aware that he is still making career and personal decisions and is not ready to get married, and I do my best not to pressure him about the subject. Lately, however, he has been asserting some pressure of his own for us to move in together. I don't think that is the next step, until we are at least engaged. Though emotionally I like the idea, and it makes sense financially, it just doesn't seem smart. In terms of marriage, he wants to be very sure we are right for one another - and just isn't sure. Am I making too big of a deal about living with my boyfriend? There are no religious concerns or morality issues for either of us. I am just worried about the emotional issues and about him never being "sure" and six years from now still being in the same situation. How do I refuse to move in with him without slowing the progress of the relationship or asking him to propose before he is ready? – Free Milk Female, age 27, Colorado |
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Let him read this letter. |
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Living together is a big deal. If you want to split up, it's like a divorce - dividing joint things, etc. The time to figure out if you're right for each other is before you move in, not after. Trust me. Explain that for you it's a big emotional commitment, equal to marriage, and that if it's not connected to marriage you ain't gonna do it. |
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Stand your ground. Moving in will not change his position on marriage. In fact, it may prevent him from taking the leap. |
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I have been there and am doing this - living with my man and feeling completely married and fulfilled in our growing mutual commitment - minus that piece of paper with a state seal on it. |
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Dear Panel, I like a guy, who knows I like him. Since he found out that I like him, he won't talk to me anymore. Actually, I'm not sure if he still wants to talk to me or if I'm the one who's supposed to speak first. What should I do? Should I make a move? Or is he supposed to make a move first? – Betsy Lee Female, age 12, San Diego |
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I tend to think there's no "supposed to" in this kind of thing. If you want to know what's going on and he's not talking, you need to ask him. If you wait for him, you could be wondering for a whole life time. |
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Since he knows you like him, he is probably uncomfortable talking to you. |
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Talk to him. Make the first move. |
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Move on. |
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Dear Panel, I need to know how to make out. I am a boy and my girlfriend wants me to learn how. I don't know who to ask. Please help! – Urgrandma Male, age 14, USA |
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Did you guys ever think of figuring it out together? |
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And she hasn't volunteered to help you learn? |
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You can't learn how to make out, just practice with your girlfriend a lot. |
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Dear Panel, It has been 2 weeks since I've started going out with this girl. She's a real nice person and likes to have fun. For the last 5 days, I've been trying to spend some time with her, but when I try to reach her, she's either out or doing some activities with her friends. She claims that she's a real busy person. It frustrates me because I want to spend some time with her to get to know her better. Am I jumping the gun or should I just give her more time? – MarkMale, age 26, Canada |
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Seems to me like she's a real busy person. Too busy for you. |
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You're jumping the gun. It's been 2 weeks. She's not going to cancel things that she has had planned for possibly months. Call her, ask her when you can get together with her. It's called a d-a-t-e. |
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Do not pass "Go," do not collect $200, go directly to |
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Dear Panel, My husband and I have dated for the last 8 years. We got married 2 months ago. I was very unhappy the day after the wedding. I felt trapped. Now I'd much rather spend time with my friends than be alone with my new husband. I don't understand it. Am I not in love with him anymore? – Confused Female, age 25, USA |
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Nah, you love him and feel trapped by the idea of marriage. Talk to him, not us. Find ways to balance time with him and your friends. |
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You are a lost cause but let this be a lesson to everyone else. Think about consequences before you take action and not after. |
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If you've never been with anyone but him, I can understand why you are frustrated. Too bad you couldn't have figured that out 3 months ago. |
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Maybe wedding stress got to you. I suggest some time with yourself. |
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You should have thought about that before the wedding. |
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Dear Panel, My girlfriend always hangs out with my best friend. She takes his side on everything. She never wants me to be around her when she's with him. and she is always saying how much fun he is. This isn't good, what should I do? – Jason W. Male, age 17, USA |
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Nope, ain't good. |
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Dear Panel, I've been best friends with Guy #1 since we were 11-years-old. We didn't date until we were 14 and its been on and off since then. But I've always assumed I'd end up with him. Now Guy #2 has come along, and although he lives a very long way away from me, and I know my feelings for my best friend will never go away, I'm beginning to love him more than Guy #1. This scares me because I didn't know it was possible. I can't imagine life without either of them. Should I cut Guy #2 loose before it's too late to get my friend back, or forget Guy #1 who I've always thought was my soulmate, and give a new true love a chance? I want all three of us to be happy. What should I do? – Scared of Losing Them Both Female, age 19 |
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Couldn't you stay friends with the friend and lovers with the new true love? |
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Break it off with both guys. It's obvious your not ready for a 1-on-1 relationship. Besides, whether you date Guy 1 or Guy 2, its never going to be "pure". YOU STILL TALK TO OTHER GUYS WHILE IN A RELATIONSHIP. Grow up and then decide what's best for you and everyone else. |
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Dear Panel, There's a special boy I like. He told me he liked me, but I denied that I liked him. What should I do? – Jahna Female, age 14, Saint Lucia |
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Tell him how you REALLY feel. Be honest. |
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Take your hand and connect it with your head, repeat if necessary. |
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Dear Panel, I had a boyfriend for two years. It has been a year since we broke up. I am still in love with him and want to get back together with him. What is the best way to try to go about doing this? Should I just talk to him about it? Or not try at all to get him back? – Rachel Female, age 20, United States |
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There's no harm in trying. Talk to him. |
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Just talk to him about it. Listen to him, too. |
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Have you forgotten why you broke up yet? |
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Dear Panel, I recently lost my virginity to a close friend, but he wasn't my boyfriend. The problem is, he has a girlfriend. She's not my friend, but I see her all the time and say hi and all. I really like him, and love him as a friend, but nothing more. I don't know how to act around the girl now. Should I stop all communication with her now? Act like nothing happened? Or send her an anonymous e-mail stating that I did the horizontal boogie with her man? – The Friend Female, age 17, New York |
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Let him tell her. Then let her decide what she should do. |
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Dear Panel, I'm 23-years-old. I met a girl who told me she was 17. When I started getting interested in her, she told me she was only 15. Should I give it a chance or just wait until she's 18? Also do you think age is that big of a deal? – Anonymous Male, age 23, USA |
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Dishonest AND underage. Sounds like a bad combo. Find someone your own age to play with. |
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Age is very important if you don't want to be called a rapist! |
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Dear Panel, I've been dating a girl for about four months now. We're very close, and I am developing very strong feelings for her. Should I tell her how strong my feelings are? And if so, how? – Nolan Male, age 23, USA |
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Yes, please do. A nice card with flowers, a sit-down chat in a quiet restaurant. Use your words. |
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Dear Panel, I've been in a relationship for 2 months. I have fallen in love with my girlfriend, and I told her I love her yesterday. I am afraid that I goofed, and moved too soon. I know how I feel, though, and I wanted her to know too. Do you think I damaged things? – Sdguy Male, age 31, California |
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Nope, because it's mutual love or it's not. Life's too short not to swing for the bleachers sometimes. |
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Doesn't matter what I think. If she's still with you, you did the right thing. And anyway, it's better to know than to not know. |
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Dear Panel, How can I break up with a man without hurting his feelings? – Anonymous Female, age 33, North Carolina |
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It can't be done. Now share the pain. |
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Dear Panel, What should I do if someone really likes me, but I don't like them? – Maria C. Female, age 12, United States |
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Tell them how you feel. |
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Dear Panel, All my friends are gorgeous and skinny, and I am this big fat loser. They've all had boyfriends and I haven't even kissed a guy. They all have like lost their virginity. I really want a boyfriend, but I always attract the wrong guys, guys who I end up dumping cause they're such dweebs. Could you just tell me what is it that guys like to see in girls? And how can I bring up my confidence level? – Tinkabelle Female, age 15, North America |
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If the definition of a loser is someone who has not lost their virginity
by 15, then I used to know a bunch of losers. But I |
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If you see yourself as a fat loser, what makes you think you deserve better than dweebs? |
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And this may sound sappy, but you need to love yourself before you decide to love some else. |
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You need to remember that popularity isn't everything. Be yourself, and the right guy will come along. |
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Dear Panel, I love my wife more than my wife loves me. It hurts a lot. What should I do? – Dave V. Male, age 29, California |
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Measure exactly how much she loves you, and then only love her that much. Or figure out that different people love differently. |
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Buy some board games. Compete with your wife over those, rather than who loves who more. |
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Sorry, that's the last question. Read the 19 Snappy Answers again
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What do you think of these Snappy Answers? |
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Love & Learn: Relationship advice from a panel of non-experts.
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