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Dear Panel, I am 15-years-old and my boyfriend is 18. He is in prison for statutory rape for 4 years. I really love him and I'm going to wait on him. Am I stupid? – Lover Female, age 15, Georgia |
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Duh. |
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YES! |
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Not really. You're mostly just 15. Sometimes it feels the same as stupid. But if it were me, I wouldn't wait for him. You've got four great years of meeting and dating guys before he gets out. Perhaps you can do better than a convicted felon who at best has poor judgment and at worst is a sexual predator. |
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Dear Panel, When I was younger, I dated a guy who became my first love. We ended up breaking up, and he moved with his family 5 states away. Since then, I haven't really been able to move on, and get over him. Lately, I've been fantasizing about being with him. As far as I know he's still in another state. I wish he would call me, but should I take the initiative and call him? – Julie Female, age 20, USA |
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Everybody fantasizes about their first love. Some people actually contact them again. If you do, odds are he won't be who you remember. But lots of people play the odds too. |
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Take the initiative, take action, call him. |
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Don't call someone who has obviously moved on. It's long distance money you can spend on other crap. |
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Dear Panel, I am an eighth grader. I am deeply in love with this girl in my grade. This is not just lust. I asked her out once, but she said no. She doesn't know that I love her. I plan on asking her out again. Should I tell her that I love her? – John Male, age 14, United States |
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Don't say "LOVE", then you'll loose her! |
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Dear Panel, Is premarital sex safe, and why? – Dea Female, age 18, East |
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The less partners you have, the safer it will be. Abstinence is the safest way to go. It's not a race, so wait for the right person to come along; that makes it all the better. |
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No. Why? Unplanned, unwanted children (it can happen even with birth control), STDs (condoms are only effective against AIDS, not the rest), emotional trauma, disrespect for your future spouse... I could go on, but I'm out of room. |
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Dear Panel, I always get the feeling that my girlfriend will cheat on me. Is that healthy? I am 21 and she is 18. I feel like it's inevitable that something will happen . She's a very outgoing and attractive girl. On top of that she just returned from Europe with her mother. They went on a tour to Spain and France with kids her age. How should I ask her if anything happened and how will I know if she is telling me the truth? What are the signs that she's has cheated? – SeanMale, age 21, USA |
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It's called trust. If you don't have it, you need to learn it. |
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Dear Panel, My girl is too insecure. Should I continue to reassure her as many times as she needs, or should I teach her a lesson to take my word for it? – Lizzo Male, age 19, Zimbabwe |
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I'm generally not in favor of "teaching her a lesson" whether it's a dog or a person. Sounds hurtful. Better to talk and be honest than to play games and tricks. |
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Dear Panel, My ex-girlfriend and I just broke up after 3 years. I've realized that it was my fault because I wasn't really paying her much attention. I know in my heart that she is the most important thing. Is there any way I can get back with her? – S.L.
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Nope. Too late. |
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If she IS the most important thing to you, treat her that way and see what happens. |
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Dear Panel, My boyfriend and I are very close and very much in love. We have been dating for one year, and feel mutually that we have met our match. Our sexual life has been wonderful and intimate, although we have never had intercourse and aren't in any rush to do so. We recently shared our past sexual partners. While he Is a virgin, by choice, I have had six partners. My experiences all seem very far away and in the past, but I wanted to be honest and tell him the truth. He is having difficulty with both the inevitable "images" and knowing that I didn't covet my virginity as he did. What can we do to get through this together? – Help Needed Female, age 25, USA |
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If he holds those experiences against you, and experiences are what
form the total person, then I guess he hasn't met his match yet. |
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If he can't get over it, move on. Even after 3 years, when Jake and I broke up he told me that once a slut, always a slut. People think about sex in different ways, and if he can't accept your past, he never will. |
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Got six friends to help him level the playing field? |
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Keep talking. Consider couples counseling. |
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Dear Panel, Should you hide your true feelings from another? – DWASD Male, age 20, USA |
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If you want the other to know them, DON'T hide them. |
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It depends on the situation, but in general, no. |
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Generally speaking, it's a bad idea. Causes confusion, mistrust, frustration, anxiety. And it goes down hill from there. However, there's a difference between sharing true feelings and being so brutally honest that you cause irreparable harm you'll regret. |
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Dear Panel, I am 15-years-old and my man is 20. We really are in love. I took all the precautions but I think I may be pregnant. How much jail time will he get? Will he be able to be there for me and our baby? – Ashley Female, age 15, Ohio |
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No, it's not okay! If you're pregnant and 15, you missed a couple of precautions, like not having intercourse until you're old enough to be able to care for a baby without hurting either of your lives. If you're pregnant, he'll only get jail time if someone files charges
against him and he's found guilty. As to the question about whether
he will be there for you and the baby, that's the big question even
if he's not in jail. Will he be? |
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Talk to a parent now! |
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Dear Panel, My teacher seems to like me a lot and always tells me I am his favorite student. But is it normal for me to have more than just student/teacher feelings? I think about him all the time. – Kathy Female, age 15, New Mexico |
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15 year-old hormone normal. |
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No, you are too young and he WILL take advantage of you! |
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It is normal to have a crush on someone who has authority, like a teacher. It Is NOT normal, however, to actually act upon it. It's a fantasy, keep it that way. |
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Dear Panel, I have a boyfriend who I care about, but I'm not in love with him. He's a very nice guy, smart, great personality, very funny but he's got a lot of emotional baggage that I don't want to deal with. It seems he wants to be around me 24/7, like he's very dependent on me. If I go somewhere with my friends he calls my cell phone every 20 minutes. It drives me insane. He complains every time I spend time with my friends and not him. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. I have to get out of this relationship. He gets depressed very easily, and sometimes he scares me. One night for example, I very politely told him that I was busy and asked him to leave. He stormed out of my house and rang the doorbell 3 minutes later. He would not leave. I'm afraid that when I break up with him he'll do something crazy. I don't want to hurt his feelings when breaking it off with him, and I don't want him to do something to hurt me, my family/friends, or himself. How do I go about this? – Scared Female, age 17, USA |
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Hurt his feelings. Please. And take care of yourself. |
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You're right to be worried. He might do crazy things to you. So, enlist the help of your family. Break it off cleanly, without double messages ("I still want us to be friends and see each other...") and make sure your parents know what he's like. If you feel bothered by him, let them help you find ways to keep him away from you. |
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The longer this goes, the higher the chances he could do something rash. Break it off sooner rather than later. If he causes any trouble, you can file a restraining order. |
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Help him find another girlfriend. |
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Dear Panel, My boyfriend and I constantly argue over little things. I feel that it is making him less attracted to me. What should I do? – Shea Female, age 17, USA |
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Stop arguing. |
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If you can't agree on anything else, maybe you should try agreeing to see others. |
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Dear Panel, I am soon to be married in six months to a lovely girl. We have been together for 3.5 years and because of my previous hesitancy to propose we broke up. After 6 months of personal hell I concluded that she was my answer to stability and structure in life, which Is very important to me. It has been incredibly rocky from the engagement point till now and we're 5 months into it. We haven't yet dropped too much money into the costs, but in two weeks we'll be obligated to make the first of 3 hefty payments. One issue is children. I feel I am nowhere near her timeline to have kids nor do I really want as many as she dreams. The other issue is, I am just not sure this is right. And I feel that I haven't established myself as a person and I am not mature enough for a life time commitment. Whenever the wedding plans come up I become extremely irritable and nasty. It's to the point that my involvement is only 5%. I become frozen at the thought of breaking up, and the backlash of friends and family. I also feel extremely guilty and overwhelmed at the thought that I am living a lie and I am keeping her from achieving all the dreams. I feel completely paralyzed. Advice please. – Snowball Male, age 29, Massachusetts |
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I guess you just have to drop your cowardly immature victim persona and try to figure out what a responsible adult would do. |
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Couples counseling. Fast. |
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First, define "personal hell". Is stability and structure worth spending forever with the wrong person? |
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DO NOT GET MARRIED! Tell her. Yes, she will be hurt but she will thank you five years from now. Trust me. I know. |
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Dear Panel, My boyfriend and I are both 19. We have been to together for six months. We have been intimate but never had sex. I want to know when is the right time and what shall I do? I am a virgin, he isn't! – Dark Angel Female, age 19, Trinidad |
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When it feels right to you and you can handle all responsibilites |
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You will know when the time Is right. And when you do, I'm pretty sure you'll know what to do. |
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Dear Panel, I still love my ex and I know that he still has feelings for me However, he has begun a new relationship with someone else. Should I tell him how I feel or back off and let him make his own decision on this one? – Jen Female, age 20, Canada |
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There's really no decision left for you to make. That's why we call it "ex". |
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All is fair in love... |
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I'm in the same situation and I can tell you, just back off. Nothing good can come of you telling him. It's time for you to move on too. |
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Dear Panel, Every time I find a guy I really like, I get very shy around them. I don't know why. I really like this guy and I want to get his attention. He's older than me and I'm not sure what he likes. Any tips to over come my shyness? – Lindsay Female, age 15, USA |
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If you want them bad enough, you'll talk. (BE BRAVE!) |
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Try smiling at him. That will usually get him to overcome your shyness. |
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Dear Panel, My husband walked out on me after 9 years. He keeps telling me to move on but still pulls me back at times. I'm very confused. I have one friend telling me that he is in just as much misery as me, but when I try to talk to him, he just gets angry. I don't want this to be over. Help. – Broken Female, age 32, USA |
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He should grow up and decide what he wants. You should wise up to his controlling crap. Otherwise, it is over and move on. |
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Dear Panel, I was in a relationship, but he broke up with me just because this other girl would give him what he wanted. Did he really like me? – Stephanie Female, age 11, USA |
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Depeneds on what she offered him. |
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He probably really liked you, and now he likes someone else better. It happens. |
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Dear Panel, I'm 19-years-old. What should I do if I want to do sexual activity while my parents are going to be home? I am having a party at my house (we're going to watch movies). My parents will be there, but I want to do sexual stuff with my lover. What should I do? – Mister Sensual Male, age 19, America |
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Trying to do something sexual at a party while watching a movie with your parents home is a disaster waiting to happen. Don't do it. |
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Well, you could always hop in the car and "Go get some pizza". |
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Sorry, that's the last question. Read the 21 Snappy Answers again
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What do you think of these Snappy Answers? |
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Love & Learn: Relationship advice from a panel of non-experts.
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