Dear Panel,

A few months ago, I broke up with my girlfriend. We were broken up for 2 weeks.

We both missed being with each other, but I broke up with her for a reason. At the end of the two weeks she told me I had to propose to her or I had to get out of her life. She has a 11 month old baby and it was all or nothing for her. Well, I chose to get engaged.

Now, 4 months away from the date I am unsure if I made the right decision. Things haven't changed, but she has assured me that when we move in together things will change for the better. She currently lives with her dad which makes it difficult to have any intimacy. Help!

– Eric

Male, age 22, USA

You want to marry her? Why?

Marriages and/or living together will not change things for the better.

If you're unsure now, back off or back out. Trust me, once you're married it doesn't get better if you start out unsure. It just gets more uncomfortable and more difficult to get out. Be sure before you commit.

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Dear Panel,

I am interested in knowing whether you think it's OK to be dating the same man for over 4 years, while still keeping an eye open for a possible "Mr. Right".

– S.S.

Female, age 40, Ohio

If Clinton can do it, so can you.

Sure it's okay. But I wouldn't marry this guy unless/until you're ready to have eyes only for him.

After four years you should open the other eye too.

Four years? Are you sure he's not Mr. Right?

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Dear Panel,

I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 and a half months and we are very close. He has come over to my house many times.

However, he has only briefly mentioned me going over to his house. He has brought me out with his friends and he treats me like a princess, always giving me affection and pampering me. We are both close to 30 and it appears we are both searching for a future partner, not just someone to hang out with.

I can get a little shy about meeting new people (especially his family) and I know he is aware of this but I get afraid that maybe for some reason he is unsure about us and that is why he does not feel comfortable about bringing me home.

I also get insecure and think that I will not meet up to his parents standards, he is very serious about his job and has a lot to offer. I'm not ugly or anything but there are definitely prettier and smarter girls out there.

Once again, he has come over many times and had dinner with my family. Is it simply that the opportunity hasn't really presented itself (no specific occasion has come up)?

I must also mention that he does speak in terms of "when you meet my brother, when you meet my father". Tell me, am I being insecure, does he feel I'm not good enough or has it simply been too short of a time that we've been together (although he has already met my parents)?

I'd really appreciate your expert opinion.

– Anonymous

Female, age 26, Canada

I think you're being overly insecure. However, you can ask your boyfriend outright, or even ask him to invite his family over to your place for dinner or something. See what he says.

You need to cut down on the caffeine. This is much ado about nothing.

I think you just need to be patient and understand that new relationships take time - and speaking of time 26 is not even close to going on 30 - slow it down sister!

Maybe he's embarrassed about still living with his parents.

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Dear Panel,

I am in love with a married man.

Sometimes he acts like we are the best of friends sometimes he doesn't. He has gone to my friends and told them that he cares very much for me, and he has called me at home and told me the same thing.

What should I do?

– Candiecane

Female, age 35, Virginia

Being in love with a married man is always ultimately lousy for the "other woman". That's you. If you're just friends, keep it that way and look for someone appropriate to fall in love with. Quit being so foolish.

Told you. Told your friends. Told his wife?

Prepare yourself to be heartbroken.

What does the word "married" mean to you?

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Dear Panel,

I have been seeing a wonderful guy for about 2 months. We get along great and both want a long-term relationship.

However, I worry that he is losing interest and doesn't have/make enough time for me. I don't want to suffocate or pressure him, but it seems in his busy life there is increasingly less time for me. This is especially true when his family is back in town.

I know it's only 2 months, but don't want to get hurt. Should interpret this as time to let go of him? I really care deeply about him.

Female, age 30, North America

Don't you think he maybe needs to spend a little time with his family when they're in town?

Ask him. If he says "I'm losing interest.", Believe him. If he says "I'm not losing interest" without looking at you, don't believe him.

You don't want to get hurt? Then stop dating.

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Dear Panel,

I met this guy a few days ago. We went out once already, and he called me the next day.

How can I tell if he is going to call me back? He seems to like me, but he lives an hour away from me. Do you think the distance will scare him?

– Confused

Female, age 19, USA

It would scare me. Unless you like driving.

Would an hour of travel scare him? how lazy is this guy?

The best way to tell if he is going to call back is.... when the phone rings and it's him. If he calls more than once... that probably means the distance doesn't scare him.

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Dear Panel,

I have been going out with my girlfriend with about four months. I can tell she wants me to become more sexual with her but I am afraid I will mess up. She is more experienced than me. I really want to become sexually active with her but I am afraid and just have no idea what to do.

How should I go about the whole thing?

– Shaun

Male, age 15, USA

I think 15-year-old girls have changed a boat load since I was 15.

Talk to her about it! Be confident, Darling.

Have her lead, she won't think less of you.

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Dear Panel,

There is a sexy guy in school who keeps on looking at me, and it's so obvious. What can I do to show him I am interested, other than talking to him?

– Andy

Female, age 16, England

Look back at him and smile. Try a wink, too.

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Dear Panel,

I've liked this guy named Aaron for almost five straight years now. I've asked him out a number of times, because I thought he was too shy to ask me out.

Every time I ask him out, he says "no". I am heartbroken about it. He will never tell me why he won't go out with me. I need advice about what to do about him.

– Katherine

Female, age 15, USA

5 months? Move on sweetheart.

Move on.

He's not too shy to say no. Just start ignoring him and maybe he'll want you. And you can get heartbroken over someone else.

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Dear Panel,

My girlfriend is a virgin and does not want to be. How and what is the quickest way to de-virginize a virgin?

We have had considerable problems in getting this accomplished as she appears to be built very close.

– Screaming Eagle

Male, age 45, USA

In women's magazines they always suggest the female visit her gynecologist for help. It could be a medical issue.

Key word: lubricate. The rest should take care of itself.

Perhaps you should let another "eagle" do the honors, as you sound as though you are asking for directions on how to cook
a ham. Leave this work to the experts where deflowering is a gift and a pleasure rather than a chore.

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Ask her opinion on the topic. That's all you can do.

Don't tell her. You will lose a friend if she isn't interested.

See Also: Do I tell my non-lesbian friend that I love her?

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Dear Panel,

I have recently told a good friend I love her. However, she recently got out of a relationship and she keeps seeing her ex-boyfriend.

I feel like he is interfering in our relationship. How can she get him to stop seeing her?

– Matt

Male, age 19, USA

It sounds more like her feelings, rather than her ex, are interfering with your imagined relationship.

If she wants him to stop seeing her, she can just tell him. But if she'd still like to keep in touch with him, you shouldn't try to make her stop- it is her decision.

She may be having second thoughts about her ex. Keep away.

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Dear Panel,

I have been sleeping with my best friend who is married. He and his wife are temporarily split up and I have found myself becoming very emotionally involved with him.

I can't stop thinking about our affairs and I often fantasize about us as a couple. He says things about how he should have married me and how I'm the only one who is true to him.

I'm scared that I'm setting myself up for heartache and when his wife eventually decides to come back that will be the end of our friendship.

Should I end our affair now or continue with hopes of a relationship?

– Sad and Desperate

Female, age 24, USA

Did you ever consider how his wife might feel? And what would be the difference between you and her sometime in the future?

End the affair now. It's a bad relationship. You can fantasize all you want, but you need to live with reality.

End it. Now. You will be more hurt by this the longer you allow it to continue. 

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Dear Panel,

How do I know that I am in love? How do I know that it is real? How do I know that we will be together forever or at least a long time? How do I know he loves me? Are there any signs of true?

– Shante

Female, age 14, USA

There's no sign that will pop out of mid-air, just follow your feelings..

At age 14 I hope these are hypothetical questions. You shouldn't start seriously obsessing about them until 15.

"Forever" is an unrealistic goal. That's just too much pressure, at any age, but certainly at 14.

Try asking, "Am I enjoying his company right now? Does he seem to enjoy my company?" If the answer to both of these questions is "Yes," that's enough for right now. As for the future? Ask yourself again tomorrow.

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Dear Panel,

I am 29-years-old and married. My man is in jail for a long time. I'm half of the reason he's in jail.

Now I'm stimulated by my best friend of two years who is twenty. Is this wrong, am I in need of help, or what?

– Shibby

Female, age 29, California

Not wrong, just lonely. Have you taken any action about it?

Run to the therapist. Do not walk. Do not pass go. Just RUN.

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Dear Panel,

My boyfriend and I been together for 3 years. We love each other very much but he has a fantasy. He wants me to have a threesome and I'm scared to. I feel like I would lose him if I do.

He tells me that he loves me and he's not going anywhere. I don't understand why he wants me to this? What should I do?

– Scared of Losing Him

Female, age 25, Iowa

Speaking from experience, a threesome is a very selfish sexual act and IMO should not be done with your boyfriend. Someone is bound to get hurt.

Remind him that fantasies are always better when imagined and not performed. Or, tell him you'll do it, but with him and another guy. Then see how he feels about the idea.

Simple. Don't do anything that you don't want to do. If he loves you, he'll understand.

It's a guy thing. Most women don't understand it. If you don't want to, don't. If he loves you, your saying "no" won't change anything.

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Dear Panel,

My boyfriend doesn't think it is going to work. He wants to end our two year relationship.

I really don't think that we are better off apart. I believe we have some problems to work out. We are still living together for the next two weeks.

How can I try to change his mind in such little time? Thanks for your help.

– JenLove

Female, age 24, Canada

Put on your sexiest outfit for him and give him a night of wild passion. Then ask him in the middle of all that if he still wants to leave.

You can't change his mind if he's determined to end it. Wake up and start packing.

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Dear Panel,

I am 22-years-old and I met a girl. She is so nice and very funny. She has a tight grip on life and is very mature.

The problem is, she is only 15. Should I just walk away?

– Anonymous

Male, age 22, USA

Yes, walk away for 3 years, then maybe you'll be more mature.

Sorry, that's the last question.

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