Snappy Answers

Week of August 26, 2002: Here are short answers to 14 of the questions that we found in our mail box.

For more serious answers, please click on any of the other questions on the main page.

Dear Panel,

Should I worry about my virginity or pregnancy ? Me and my boyfriend made love with our swimming suits on.

– Lamma

Female, age 20, USA

Lefty

Were your swimming suits made of latex?

Becky

Penetration equals sex..... period. Learn about sex before doing it.

Sara

Um, no, that's physically impossible.

Read more Questions About Virginity

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Dear Panel,

I had sex with my boyfriend but on the clothes. I'm afraid I lost my virginity because it was painful and I'm afraid of pregnancy.

– Hena

Female, age 21, Africa

Brian

Did you use full-body condoms?

Diva

If there was no penetration, by most definitions you're still a virgin.

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Dear Panel,

I got curious about an unzipped small bag by the bed my live-in boyfriend and I share. Seems there are three small pictures of his ex-wife in there (they have been divorced 1.5 years).

I feel I can not ask why he keeps them so close to him since I was snooping. How should I cope with this situation?

– Chick In Texas

Female, age 28, USA

Spanky

It's a piece of his history. Let him keep them (if they're not dirty pics).

William

Curiosity killed the cat. I still have photos of my ex wife! That doesn't mean anything.

Lefty

Ask him what's in the unzipped small bag that's so close to your bed.

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Dear Panel,

I have been with this guy over 10 years. He cheated on me a few months ago and I left him.

We still talk and his excuse was that he was on drugs and didn't know what he was doing.

He is now at a place to clean him up and calls me asking me to wait for him. I don't know if I still love him, how do you tell?

– Kris

Female, age 49, USA

Lefty

You can tell by dating other people who do not use drugs, and see if you can love them before this guy gets out.

KP

When he's clean, tell him you want to start "slow", as friends. If he
cheats again, you'll have your answer.

Mamala

Don't punish yourself further. MOVE ON.

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Dear Panel,

Is there anything I should be worried about if my long time boyfriend wants to start having more female friends?

My boyfriend and I have been together just about 7 years. We're both young, I'm 24 and next week he'll be 23. So, I am his first relationship. Well, now he's beginning to change and be more independent, for example, he doesn't want to see me all the time like he used to which is fine with me.

Anyway, we had big problems over the past year or so, but we seem to be getting through them OK.

– E-Dub

Female, age 24, USA

Lefty

You both should have friends. Get some.

Linda

Friends come in all genders. Normally, girlfriends get to meet and hang out (occasionally) with the boyfriend's friends. Your fears will be put to rest if you all get together occasionally. You'll either see there's nothing to worry about, or you'll see you're losing him to her.

Kalia

You HAVE had the poor boy tied down since he was 16! Let him be HIS OWN person.

Jimmy

My motto is: you can trust somebody, but not 100%. Always keep your guard up!

Sarge

It's all cool providing he still treats you well.

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Dear Panel,

I just ended a month relationship due to the fact that he told me he was moving out of state this September.

I did not want to take the risk and get my heart in pain. I was not included in his plans. I just didn't see any point in moving. Did I do the right thing?

You have to know that I'm modern with education and work but at home I'm very traditional.

– Compassionate One

Female, age 32, Texas

Lefty

I guess it depends on how much was right during the last month & how sure you are that his plans do not include you.

Judith

You gave the right amount of return on one month's investment.

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Dear Panel,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months and we're having trouble cause I'm not 18 yet and can't stay the night with him and do the fun stuff that serious couples do.

And my family doesn't really like his attitude ( by the way..he's 23) and it's causing some trouble between us.

I love him a lot and want to get through this together. Does anyone have any ideas on how we can work this out? I would really appreciate it.

– KDV

Female, age 17, Ohio

Lefty

I don't like his attitude either. If he can't abide, leave him aside.

Sara

For now, listen to your parents. If the guy is true and loves you, he'll cool down and stick by you.

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Dear Panel,

Why am I so jealous of their friendship? My husband is friends with a girl we both know (I used to work with her husband) and they are constantly talking on his phone (cell). She talks to me but much more to him.

He says there is nothing going on and so does she and after some digging I really don't think there is. But I DO think she has a crush on him. She just left her husband this past weekend. She is a nice person. I just don't know why I can't get past this.

– Unreasonably Jealous

Female, age 27, USA

William

Because you're smart. Beware of those who are on the rebound.

Aaron

You said it yourself: You're unreasonably jealous. If you can't figure out why, you could probably benefit from some professional therapy.

Clove

Your jealousy MAY be justified. But unfortunately there is nothing that you can do about it. You just have to trust your husband.

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Dear Panel,

I was seeing this guy and everything was going good. He left my house one morning and said 'I love you and I will see you later'. I talked to him later that day and everything still seemed fine.

Then the next couple of days he avoided me. It's been about two months since we stop talking. His brother told me that they were talking and he said that he messed up and he should call me and talk to me and say that he is sorry.

What does this mean?

– Tiny23

Female, age 22, USA

Linda

Time to find another guy.

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Dear Panel,

I am seeing a man who is 20 years older. He came into the place I work and we hit it off. Right in the beginning he told me about his two year relationship Joan. He told me they met and she went after him for a year. He says he has never loved this women and there is no intimacy between them.

We have been planning to continue our relationship but I find it hard that Joan is still in the picture. She will not let him go, stating that she loves him.

I know the best thing would be to move on and if he is true to his feeling he will do what is right. What do you think?

– Merry

Female, age 40, USA

KP

Go with your instincts. They are usually right.

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Dear Panel,

I am so fed up of being single. How can I make a boy like me? Pleeeeease help!

– AJ

Female, age 14, UK

Lefty


Oh please. You're fed up at 14? Gimme a break.

Corey

You can't make somebody like you. The time will come.

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Dear Panel,

I love a boy. He tried to kiss me but I turned my head away.

I'm not sure if he still loves me. A week a go I told him my feelings but now he pretends that he doesn't know me anymore.

What do I have to do?

– Heartpain

Female, age 16, Belgium

Lefty

You have to quit using the word "love" when you describe a situation that has nothing to do with it. Try "animal attraction" or "deep lust" or "mutual admiration" or "teenage heat". And then we'll talk more.

Shyann

Go kiss his cute friend, then you get to watch em' fight..

Morticia

Find a way to make it up to him after making him feel humiliated and rejected. A question- if you like this guy, why didn't you kiss him? Think about it.

Karmela

Kiss him.

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Dear Panel,

This guy loves me and I guess I kinda feel the same way. The problem is his parents and grandparents. They don't like me and I don't know why.

I am not a bad person. I go to church, youth group. What should I do? Please help me!

– Alice

Female, age 17, Texas

Lefty

Sometimes you can't please everyone so you gotta please yourself. And the guy who loves you.

Morticia

Ask him to talk to his parents and find out why. are there any age/religion/culture differences?

Mamala

ADVICE FROM SOMEONE MARRIED 30 YEARS: Forget him!

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Dear Panel,

Last night I was with my friend. He knows about the guy I have been dating for 2 months now and he asked me last night if the guy popped my cherry yet. I said 'no'.

Can you give me more information about popping my cherry?

– Maria

Female, age 16

Morticia

Popping your cherry simply means having sex! If you need information on sex, then hopefully you were telling the truth when you answered "no".

Sorry, that's the last question.

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